For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Tax day come and gone

2011-04-16T07:17:00.000-05:00

Tax day came yesterday but they were not due!! Because of a holiday in Washington DC we get until Monday. I actually worked a bit on mine and am finally finished. I owe big time as 2010 is the first time I have filed as a single and ouch!
Travis arrived Wednesday noon and stayed until yesterday early morning. It was fun having him here. Terry and I usually do not eat out much but did the while time Travis was here as we wanted him to eat local foods in restaurants which are kind of fun. I think his favorite was the grouper basket Thursday lunch. We had the Wednesday evening lobster special at the Ale house but I think Travis felt it would be too much work or maybe too messy to have that so he had a shrimp dish.
I did have my MRI last week and then went over the results with the dr. Wednesday AM. There is a muscle tear in the right calf and today I will go in for my third day of PT. They are using a cold laser and ultrasound on it and the place we go does PT with the idea that it should be pain free. I like that. The PT person is a bit concerned about the long drive to MN but I will have Terry drive a lot and I will drive mostly when I can use the cruise so I do not need to use that leg much. I probably will need to do more PT when we arrive in MN but in the end it should be fine. The therapest said NO physical use of the leg for sports for at least 4 months because if I would injure it again it may just completely tear away from the bone and then surgery. She said that would not be good.
We now have 3 days to get things done here as we head north on Tuesday. It would be nice if we had 2 weeks but will have to try to get things done in a hurry. With the climate in southwest FL a person has to do much before leaving a place for 6 months. If the air would go out and the home was not checked it would be full of mold in a week or so. That happened to one of Terry's friends and they had to have the entire home cleaned professionally twice and still not sure they got it clean. One of the things that needs to be done is the driveway needs to be sprayed with bleach so that it is not black in the fall.
I almost forgot to mention that Travis is driving the 1987 Cadillac Allante convertible to MN. We tried to sell it here but there are just too too many expensive cars and we did not get one call. This car is in pristine condition and has 105,000 on it but we now have 4 vehicles and we need to down down scale. We are hoping Travis gets home without incident and after Easter the car sells quickly.
We are looking forward to spending a couple of days with Aaron/Amy and family over Easter. I am really excited because Aaron said the WI Easter bunny brings good beer to the men.
Leo turned 4 yesterday. Those kids are getting just too old. My in a very short time, before the end of the year, those grandkids will be 8,6,4,3,3,2,1. I think I got that right.
No--work to do today and breakfast sounds like a good deal so will sign off.

Amen

2011-03-14T19:56:00.000-05:00

You can look at this picture as a sunset or a sunrise. Actually it is both for me. A sunset--this will be my last entry on this blog. A sunrise--I will be moving on with a new blog and a new life.
All things must end at some time. After countless entries, hundreds of pictures and I know many many hours of writing it is time to move on.
January 26, 2009 Gail discovered a lump on her chest. We were in the middle of a renewed life, a weight loss schedule and life was good but-----the doctor said she was pretty sure it was only a strained muscle but we needed to come in and be sure. January 30th life took a turn that would lead to eternal life for Gail and a journey that I would need to walk with the help of family and friends. On March 23 Cynthia and Mike encouraged me to start a blog, that was over 600 entries ago and almost 2 years past.
From February-September 14 Gail and I prayed, worked, changed how we ate and pretty much focused 24/7 on Gail's health. We prayed and hoped with all our energy and faith that Gail would be physically healed and live a long life. However in God's mysterious ways it did not come to past and September 14, 2009 Gail met our Lord and I embarked on a journey that has been lonely, full of family and friends, difficult, life changing and of course many more adjectives could be used.
So here I am 18 months to the day that Gail left us. I have focused on home, I led Servant Camp in 2010, I have welcomed Ruby Gail Lee into our family, have given my blessing on John/Mary to move (I am not saying they needed my approval but I am saying it was the right thing for them to do), I have turned Servant Camp over to new leadership, my house has become to some degree my home and not Gail's and I have seen all those wonderful grandchildren grow and grow and grow. Oh yes, I have also explored entering into a new relationship. I am currently in Naples Florida enjoying the sun and activities and talking to a friend to see if we may want to live our life together into old age.
Before Gail died she and I talked about my life after her death. She said I should not live alone and I said I would be happy with my wood shop and family. I found out something about myself that was a complete surprise to me. I grew up in rural ND and spent countless hours alone. Everything from shooting baskets to bouncing the ball against the barn (I was Johnny Logan when I did that!!), to making wooden guns to fishing to whatever I did much of it was alone. So for sure I would be happy alone. Well Cynthia pointed out that I did that because of my environment but really that was not me. Well for you men you probably know what it is like to get wisdom from your daughter!! However it was true and I have found that I am happiest when I am with others.
I feel that my grieving is behind me. Gail will always be missed and in talking to people who have lost loved ones I know that is true but I know it is time for me to focus on the future and what God has for me in the months and years ahead.
With that I say good-bye to my grandma Gail blog. I have started up a new one that anyone is invited to look at but it will focus on family and new adventures in my life, something that many of you may find boring. The blog has peaked my interest in writing and I want to continue to do that.
If you are interested here is the new blog: http//www.carmenjlee.blogspot.com
I know that many people over the past two years have read my blog. I cherish the many comments that were made and I appreciate the advice and insights that were given. I know that God has used the blog to lighten the burden of grieving and to heal the wounds of my loss. To each who came into my life through my blog I am most thankful.
Amen

Halloween?????????

2011-03-13T16:15:00.000-05:00

Well it almost looks like it could be October but really it was an hour and 45 min St. Patrick's Day parade yesterday. O my there were thousands of people sitting along the route, many many entries and a great time. I think next year Terry and I may bring 2 chairs, put a life size doll between us and see how much candy we can get!!!!
Actually the candy came in handy for energy as today it was a 30 mile bike ride which raised money for the blood bank. Well I would say maybe the candy did not help a lot but for sure we needed energy to get to the end of the 2 and 1/2 hr ride. It was a fun time and the weather certainly was perfect with temps a bit cool at start time of 8:00 AM but really with a sunny 70+ there were no complaints. I do not know how many entries there were but my guess would be maybe 150 or so. The rides could be 10, 30 or 60 miles.
It was the ball machine at 2:30 this afternoon and I think the sunset needs some attention tonight. That should be a nice ending to a rest full day or should I say a fun day.
I have discovered something else which begs a question. I have mentioned in the past that I have lost some weight and that is good but I do need to find out something. I think the stores or companies have a scam going as they must make clothes bigger now and or put the wrong size on them. I feel so good when I buy a new pair of pants or shorts as I am down two sizes but really I think I may be down only 1 size and the "relaxed" fit is really a size larger than they say. I am wondering if anybody else has that feeling or if by some stroke of luck or hard work I actually am down 2 sizes. On second thought I will believe I am and that will make me feel good for a while.
We plan to catch a buger and fries at "Five Guys" before the sunset. I love that place but not too often. A person can order a small order of fries and after they put the burger and container of fries in the bag they throw an exra scoop of fries in the bag. My kind of place!! However with that I may need to start a schedule in the exercise room here if I stop there too many times.
I forgot to mention that Terry and I drove to the Catholic Community Ave Maria last Tuesday. An interesting place to visit. An artist is putting the finishing touches on a 54 ton marble sculpture which will be the largest of the Annunciation in the world. Very very impressive. We went on an hour trolley tour which was free and very nice. It is about 30 miles from Terry's house. The dedication of the sculpture will be March 25 on Annunciation Sunday.
Read in the Naples paper today about 800 people who needed to be rescued in ND as they were caught in a storm. Brother Dave in Jamestown said that Gail's brother Mark and Mary stopped in Jamestown as they were on their way to Bismarck to catch a plane. They needed to stay over night and so they called and stopped over for a nice visit. No snow here !!!!! Enough

A bit chilly

2011-03-12T06:26:00.000-06:00

As I rolled out of bed this morning I was reminded of a couple of things. The first is the fact that I was on a 21 mile bike ride yesterday and my body made sure I knew it had been some time since I had ridden that far. The second thing was we are in kind of a cold spell here in Naples and the temp was at 51.
I think the day will bring a trip to downtown Naples where there will be a St. Patrick's Day parade. I do not know if I have any green but will try to find something that is close. Maybe Terry and I can find some green beer afterwards but not sure about that either. Anyway it has been a long time, maybe never, since I have taken in a St. Patrick's Day parade so should be fun.
I forgot to mention that after the bike ride yesterday it was an hour with the ball machine on the tennis court so maybe, just maybe, it was almost too much exercise yesterday. This old body had better recover soon as it is onto a 30 mile ride tomorrow for the cause of giving blood so the legs need to be in shape and the behind needs to be OK.
I have not finished my french press coffee so will sign off for now.

Famous

2011-03-10T13:22:00.000-06:00

I know that nobody realized it but I have become famous. They have now named the county that Bonita Springs is in after me. Bonita Springs is on the north border of Naples. I am not sure why unless the locals feel that my Bentley bike is something that may attract many visitors here.
It is a day for projects and catch up things as we have gotten much rain today. It came about a half hour before the tennis clinic so that was rained out. At 6:00 AM it was 69 degrees and now at 2:00 PM it is still the same temp. I know if you are in MN you have no sympathy for me but it is a bit chilly!!!
Here we are near the end of the first week in march.
Terry and I are signed up for a 30 mile bike ride this Sunday. It is a ride that cost $20 and the money goes towards a blood bank. It should be a fun time. The rides are 10, 30 or 60 miles but we felt that we have not ridden enough to go the 60 mile one. It will be interesting to see how many people are on the ride.

Am thinking of making some changes on the blog soon but will share that in the next few days.
We are coming up on a couple of important birthdays in the family. Amy and Mary will be celebrating in a few days and for those who live close to either of them you know that each gets better with age so bring on those birthdays.
Back to projects.

It may get boring

2011-03-07T18:51:00.000-06:00

As I have said so many times I get mesmerized by sunsets on the gulf coast. Here I caught the sun with my 300 lens and it looks like the sun is on a small stand. Later a boat went past.
Not a lot of news. Did the tennis ball machine yesterday with Terry and that was fun. Spent time at the beach tonight which is always relaxing and fun. Tonight the waves were maybe bigger than I have seen them and that was fun.
My calf muscle is getting better ever so slowly but every little bit helps so will be thankful for the progress. Can not ever remember having a muscle be so sore for so long but it is not the worst thing in the world.
Terry has 7 windows in her home and the screens were in terrible shape so I repaired all of them last Saturday and that was good. I have those old old wooden screens and storms in St. Paul and these new kind of screens are so easy to repair. Makes me wonder about my old house!!!!!!
The weather continues to be "hard to beat" here. Today it was sunny and mid 70's so can not be unhappy with that. Sounds like weather in St. Paul is too cold/snowy yet.
Time continues to fly by and here we are into the first full week in March. Before I know it the Lee family reunion in the Black Hills will be on us. I think I have some work to do on that so need to get some e-mails out about it.
Will sign off for now.

A long time

2011-03-04T19:20:00.000-06:00

Here are some pictures that will show a bit of Naples FL. The sunset and people who come to watch it. As I have said in the past I have fallen in love with sunsets on the gulf coast. Terry and I go to take the sunsets in about 3 or 4 evenings a week and it never is boring or the same.
The flowers happened to just be near the road as we were driving alone. Actually the first time we saw them we were on a bike ride and we just had to go back with my camera.
We have seen a couple of movies that have been great. We saw "The King's speech" and it was great. Having been a stutterer in my childhood I could really relate to many things in the movie. I would highly recommend it to anyone who likes movies as it is very very good. Also saw "The fighter" today and really enjoyed that too.
I continue to play tennis and continue to have some difficulties with my right calf. It is getting better but still gets sore when I use it a lot. On Thursday went on an hour walk/run, then played a tennis clinic and then Terry and I used the tennis ball machine for an hour and by evening it was hurting a bit. I know, I used it too much in one day but it was a fun time.
I continue to enjoy the warm weather here and all of the new activities. Never in my life have I done these things and it has been a wonderful time. I may be becoming a friend of warm winter weather and a foe of cold and snow!!!!!
Here it is well into March and the time seems to have flown by so fast. My tan is a sign that things are going well. Each time I blog I promise to do it more often but oh my the time goes so fast.

The sun is going down

2011-02-24T20:34:00.000-06:00

Here is a sequence of pictures I took of the sunset a few days ago. The sunsets on the gulf are really beautiful and inspiring when one can see the sun disappearing into the water.

I did a tennis clinic today and my calf muscle held up fairly well. It is about 80% and I say that because it makes me sound as if I know what I am talking about. Just like the big boys who are pro!!!!

Terry and I had a fun evening. We met friends of Terry's for dinner. They are from Connecticut and I would say they are close to 80 or maybe even older. They are down here for about 3 months each year. They stay very active and are fun to be with.

I actually did some work today. I fixed some holes in walls that needed repair and then spent a couple of hours cleaning out the back rain gutters. I needed to invent something that I could reach about 15 feet so taped two long pieces of wood together and then taped a small garden tool on the end to clean out the junk. I got all the debris out and they should be good to go for some time.

Other than that the only news is the weather is warm, sunny and fun. I think I am beginning to get a real sun tan. It is not great but enough to make people in St. Paul jealous!!

A fun visit

2011-02-22T14:57:00.000-06:00

The picture is from grandma's birthday party. From left to right are Dale, Deb, Deb, Allen, Carmen, Mary and Mark. Allen is the oldest, Deb is next and Mark is the youngest.
We had a fun time today. Amy's parents, Jeanne and Dick, are in Florida for this month. They are just a very short distance from Terry's place so we invited them to come for a visit today. We took the shuttle to the beach and walked for an hour. When we arrived back we had lunch at the club. It was a fun time. The weather was perfect and the food at the club was great. One can not complain about temps in the high 70's and sunny skies in February.
I am excited for this afternoon. I will pick up my new tennis racket at 4 and then of course I will for sure have a great tennis game. My inexperience and my age have nothing to do with my skill level, it is all in the racket. I am planning to take another tennis clinic Thursday as my calf muscle is healing nicely and I should be good to go in two days.
The bike remains in netural but with my calf getting better maybe the bike is next to get a work out. I HAVE to get more exercise as my weight is up a few pounds and that just can not be so more exercise, less food are in order.
Enough for now. I do hope that friends and family in MN, ND etc are enjoying the winter wonder land.
Sister Joan sent a picture of someone sitting in a frozen outhouse. I wonder if that came from our growing up on the farm!!!!!!!!!

Better late than never

2011-02-20T15:59:00.000-06:00

Here is Grandma Saunders with most of her great grand children. This was taken on her birthday weekend, February 5/6.
There were some missing but many are in the picture.
I have been lazy in writing on the blog. I did return to Naples FL last Monday. I arrived to weather that is certainly much much different than St. Paul. Today it was pleasant sitting by the pool in the sun as the temp was right around 80. I guess one can not want better weather than that in February.
I have spent my time playing tennis, walking the beach and in general enjoying things. I am staying with a friend, Terry, who was a high school classmate. We have reconnected after many many years. She has a home in Naples. At this time my timetable is open as to when I might return to MN. The longer one stays in this nice weather the harder it is to think about returning to winter in MN. I have found that it is easy to relax, enjoy and just be here. Now that I have decided to step out of Servant Camp things seem less hurried, less stressful and more relaxed. For sure I will miss the excitement of camp, of the staff and most of all the campers but the other side of life outside of camp is also exciting and alluring.
I did slightly injure myself as I was warming up to play tennis last Friday. I hurt a calf muscle, didn't even know I had a muscle there!! It acted like a bad cramp but it just did not go away so I have been limping around a bit the last couple of days. I am hopeful that I can be on the court and on the bike in short order but will see. I guess the bottom line is this body really is not what it used to be!!!!
No maybe it is time to catch some sun again.

The old and the new

2011-02-12T09:53:00.000-06:00

Here are pictures of grandma's family in 1999 and then again last weekend. Of course in our celebration last weekend there were some missing but you can see that time marches on. Many many more little kids now and of course there are some not with us now that were here in 99.
We are beginning to come out of the deep freeze in in St. Paul. After several days of way below normal temps we are now at or above normal and they say we will remain this way through the coming week.
I need to get up on a ladder (I will be careful) and get some ice off of my north roof. The ice dam is large, I have yet to get any water in the house but I do not want that to happen. I will either chop or melt a valley in the ice dam so that any water that tends to dam up behind the ice can run off the roof. With the temps mild for the next days maybe some of that ice will disappear.
I have enjoyed these last few days as there has not been much happening so it has been a time to relax, do some paper work and just kind of be.
I made a huge decision last week and it is good but with mixed feelings. After 33 years of doing Servant Camp I decided it was time to step down and see what God has for me in a different way. So for the first time since 1979 I will have a spring and summer without the concerns of staff, campers, budget and all that goes with it. I am really excited but of course one does not do something for that long and then forget it so I suppose I will miss it but I know it is in God's plan for me and because of that I am excited.
I am expecting and hoping that this time can be a time of new life, new direction and more exciting things in my life. Even though I have tended to do things for a long time all my life I also feel that I have done well in putting things behind me and moving on so here I am waiting to see what happens.
I will end today with much saddness as little sister Helen is experiencing so much cold and snow I just feel so sorry. Helen, maybe you and Mike need to move north!!!!!

Grandchildren

2011-02-08T21:14:00.001-06:00

Many of Grandma Saunder's family were able to make the trip to Fargo ND last weekend to help her celebrate her 90th birthday. It was a fun weekend. Here is the picture of her grandchildren. Four of them were not able to come and two of them have passed away. It is quite the group. It looks like the men are greatly outnumbered by the gals but the four who could not come are men so the number is almost equal.
It was a fun time as it is always great to see family and spend time together. In my family John/Mary were not able to travel what would have been a round trip of 1500 miles but everyone else came. I enjoyed Aaron/Amy and kids here Friday afternoon and again on Sunday evening. Sunday evening Cynthia/Mike and family along with Travis came over to cheer the Packers on to Super Bowl victory.
We are experiencing very very winter weather with a -9 temp this morning and about the same expected tomorrow morning. I guess winter really is not ready to say good-bye.
Not much new on my end. I am having a bit of remorse with this cold weather as I did enjoy the warm Naples FL weather. I am a bit envious as I see they are having 70's and 80's there which if my math is correct is about 60-70 degrees higher than we had yesterday and today!!!
Enough of that as it is almost depressing.
Will get some paper work finished before I get to sleep.

Home

2011-02-02T13:58:00.000-06:00

I spent the weekend with John/Mary and family. Monday morning at 4:15 I got on the road with the idea that I could get to Madison early and in the process I could drive through Chicago before the AM rush hour traffic hit. All went well and I arrived at Aaron/Amy place about 8:30 AM. After unloading my things in their basement I called Aaron to tell him I was there. He asked me if I had looked at the weather and I said no. Well after looking at the forcast of perhaps 20 inches of snow in Madison Monday-Wednesday I loaded my things in the car and headed home by 9:00 AM. Roads were OK but not great and I finally arrived in St. Paul about 2:15 tired of holding on to the steering wheel tightly and maybe also tired after driving 5000 miles in the last 4 weeks. I knew I was coming back to winter but the snow kind of surprised me. The 4-6 foot banks at each corner seemed to stare and and smile at me at each intersection. My car was fine but it did complain a bit when I started it in -2 temps this morning. AND the wonderful pillow I purchased for my back while I drive failed to tell me that if I left it in the car in cold weather it would turn to being stone hard!!!! So much for it's usefulness.
Here I am with blood a bit thinned out, pants without legs, short sleeve shirts once again hung in the closet and hands that let me know you can not answer your smart phone with gloves on. Well I guess it is what it is and life is all about changes and adjustments.
I am now doing some work for grandma's 90th birthday bash this weekend. It will be fun to have much of family together but we will miss John/Mary and family.
No, I need to get something warm on my feet.

Progress

2011-01-28T21:40:00.001-06:00

Here is one reason it is fun to be in Naples. Each Wednesday night this one place has lobster special. ($15.95) This is the first steamed whole lobster I have ever eaten. It was delicious and as you can see eaten to the last morsel. The dark cold beer sitting on the side certainly helped the entire evening.
I am now over half way to St. Paul. Am sitting in room 314 at the Hampton Inn in Horse Cave KY. I think it will be kind of an early to bed, get up for their breakfast and arrive in South Bend tomorrow maybe by 3 or so. Today I traveled through some places I had not been in the past. Drove through Nashville TN and happened to do it during rust hour so was not a lot of fun but not too bad either.
It is noticeably cooler here then 2 days ago in Naples. I forgot to bring a jacket in so will be cold in the morning before I get to the car. I am sure as I arrive in South Bend the temp will again be down from where it is here. I tend to forget it is still winter!!
Not much more to say. Driving, thinking, stretching, driving, thinking etc etc get a bit old!

It's almost over

2011-01-26T07:30:00.001-06:00

As I sit here with my french press coffee I can not help but think that tomorrow, after a 10:30 tennis lesson, I will settle in the car and head back to the frozen tundra. Of course on the way there will be John, Mary, Henry, Liam, Audrey, Aaron, Amy, Leo and Ruby Gail but then next Tuesday will come and reality will set in--cold--cold--snow and what else?? I am certainly looking forward to seeing family again and can hardly wait to see Travis, Cynthia, Mike, Faustina and Jude in St. Paul too but as one looks at the picture the cold north seems too extreme!!
As I sat in the sun by the pool yesterday I had to think that this month of January has maybe been the first time I have felt relaxed in many years. I then went to Wal mart to check my blood pressure and wow it was better than it had been in a long time. I guess the wear, tear, stress and everything else in life does affect health too. I sat in the sun for almost an hour and felt God was giving me a massage even though I have never had a real one!!! Well things will change soon.
Need to see if I can find some Naples keepsakes for the kids today before heading out tomorrow. Not sure I am looking forward to 1900 miles behind the wheel but actually coming down it was not too bad. It may even be good practice to do all of those mind games that one can do to pass the time.
I have some work to do for grandma's bd party so will be busy with some of that when I arrive home.
My heart is heavy today for the Tigan family. David's services are today and tomorrow. As I read his obit in the paper I was surprised that he was only 62. I have many memories of him and his family. I know God's love and grace will abound with Barb and family but oh my it is so terribly difficult, lonely and it leaves a person with a very heavy heart.
Brother Dave is having surgery tomorrow and we are expecting God to heal him quickly. Lord come with your healing angels and pour your spirit into his every cell to make him well quickly.
Time for a bite.

Burrrrrrrr!!! I know it is wimpy!

2011-01-23T06:51:00.000-06:00

Woke up to a temp this morning of 45 and it feels like it is really cold! I also stuggled to get out of bed at first as this middle age body wanted to tell me that my first ever tennis match yesterday was hard on some of those muscles that never get used. Well OK I admit the muscle word may be a bit strong in describing my body but it is what it is. I think the last time I picked up a tennis racket was maybe in the 70's when Dave/Marlys came to visit and Dave played a bit of tennis. Well here I am about 40 years later and it seems that this body knows the score better than my mind. However my mind is getting the idea fairly quickly. Yesterday was fun. Got a call in the morning and I think the guy thought he was calling a lady as when I arrived the foursome included 3 men and a gal but that is fine and the match was fun. All three of the others were at a skill level higher than mine but I did ( a few times) hold my own and I managed to not make my partner too upset. Actually they were very gracious and put up with me the entire time. BUT I am kind of paying for it this morning. Not sure I could get my leg over the seat of my bike but then who wants to ride in 45 degree temps??
I am beginning to plan my trip back. Will leave this warm (?) sunny place next Thursday and arrive in South Bend Saturday, get into Madison Monday and then arrive home on Tuesday. I will get to see Ruby Gail for a short time on her 1st birthday before I head towards the west on that Tuesday.
I do have some things to do at home before I and the kids head up to Fargo for Grandma Saunder's 90 birthday bash on February 5 & 6. Of course I am keeping up with how Jeanette K is doing and if the Lord decides to take her home in the next week I will change my plans. She has been amazing these last 3 weeks and I know her family is so so greatful for this special time with her.
I am going to have to be sure and get some more sun before I leave as I do not want to arrive home and have people ask me why no sun tan. I have not seen the sun here in a couple of days but maybe today.
Need to get some things done.

A certain change from Minnesota!!

2011-01-19T19:19:00.000-06:00

The pictures are from today. Drove to the beach to watch the sun set. It was wonderful. The beach picture are people who come to the beach, bring drink and eat and just sit to watch the sun go down. As it disappeared in the horizon people clapped! The houses are right on the beach and I can not imagine what a person would need to buy something like that. For the family and friends in or around MN I thought you may get some winter relief by looking at the pictures. I guess one can enjoy them or get upset with them!!!!
Not a lot to say. I am certainly enjoying warm weather activities, enjoying the sun, enjoying the warmth, feeling great when I dig my toes into the warm sand on the beach and the list could go on and on. Woke up to a temp of 70 this morning and by mid afternoon it was only 75 but a bit humid. I saw among the fancy cars down here a deep blue Bentley converible and wished I had one but instead decided to name my fancy bike that Aaron built Bentley and will settle for that. So tomorrow when I finish my tennis lesson and get on the bike in the afternoon I will say to myself "OK Bentley lets go for a nice warm ride!"
I almost shiver when I look at the MN weather but then I say to myself it will not be long and I will be in it again.
Enough for tonight.

Exercise, sun, beaches and more

2011-01-16T15:32:00.000-06:00

I continue to enjoy warm weather, sun shine, beaches, and much more. Not a lot to say other than to say that I have never experienced this kind of weather in January except when Gail and I spent much of Janurary in Hawaii. I have experienced mostly sunny skies with day time temps in the low to mid 70's. I have enjoyed walks, tennis, biking and much more. The other night I almost inhaled some lobster tacos and then for lunch yesterday had a crab spread on crachers that was almost to die for. Well it may not have been that good but it sure was something one could not get in MN and it tasted really good.
Will close for today but will leave with the thought that warm weather in January is pretty nice!!

Another first

2011-01-12T13:08:00.000-06:00

Spent most of yesterday in Fort Lauderdale on the east coast. Drove on alligator ally over there and then enjoyed the ocean and beach. No biking yesterday but did get in a nice walk.
The weather continues to be nice here. Woke up to 62 this morning and as I was on a walk a lady looked and said you sure are brave to have shorts on!! I thought it was warm. I think the temp will end up being about 72 or so by mid afternoon. Hard to complain with that.
I am keeping in touch with the Krauses and how Jeanette is doing. I plan to fly back if the Lord decides to take her home soon. At this time the fares are in the $140 range which is doable. There was a note this morning on her Caring Bridge and it sounds like she is still up and around a bit and doing somethings for herself which is good.
Not much more to say for now.

I DID IT

2011-01-10T20:48:00.000-06:00

I did it. Went out and found some spandex. Not the $130 ones but the $35 ones. They actually felt great and I think they made me faster!!!!!!! I will not share a picture that could show any bumps or lumps of unwanted fat that do dwell on my slow body!!!

A fun day

2011-01-10T19:17:00.000-06:00

It ended up being a fun day. Drove over to Jim and Judy Clasen who are in Fort Myers for January. Went on a 18 mile bike ride, sat in the pool and hot tub and then out to dinner. I think that beats the cold and icy weather one would have in MN.
The weather continues to be low to mid 70's here with mostly sunny skies. It has been great for bike riding. I really really like the bike Aaron made for me. Each time I ride it I learn to appreciate it and like it better. On the ride today it was windy and over several bridges. On the way out the ride was hard but on the way back it was wind at the back and as we approached one high long bridge I decided I just had to open up a bit. It was so fun to ride (fast for me) 26/27 mph over the bridge. Never would have been able to do that on my other bike. It certainly shows thata slow body needs a fast bike!!
Will head over to the east coast tomorrow and most likely only for the day but should be fun.

I finally did it

2011-01-08T20:19:00.000-06:00

I finally got my first bike ride in. I think those legs are a bit out of shape but the 18 miles were fun. I even had to shed my light jacket after 9 miles as it was too warm!! It was really not to difficult to wake up to 62 degrees this morning.
I am in a bit of culture shock. The culture, the cars, the money, the weather and pretty much everything is very different than I have ever seen. It seems like most of the cars one sees are high end Lexus or BMW or Mercedes or some other expensive car. The weather has been so so nice and the food has been fun. I had a lobster salad for lunch today that was very good.
I hope all is well in MN and the cold is not too cold!! This warm weather could be habit forming!
I am so excited for the Krauses and the time they are having with Jeanette. Come Lord to heal her.

Warm weather??????

2011-01-06T07:40:00.000-06:00

I am not sure I like warm weather!! Yesterday I asked myself if I needed to wear a coat as I left Memphis and decided I did not. 137 miles later I decided it was time to stop and put in gas. Well my wallet was in my red coat which was still in Memphis!!! So it was turn around and drive back and then turn around and leave again.
I ended up in Birmingham for the night at 9:00 PM having driven about 500 miles but really only about 240.
I guess one can be upset or say it is what it is and it is nice to see country that one has never seen before.
I am keeping up with how Jeanette K is doing and have not decided what I will do but my prayers are with her, John and the whole family. Brings back many many thoughts of 2009.
No I best get going here as I plan to take my wallet and get to FL today.

On that road again

2011-01-05T07:41:00.000-06:00

I have now driven about 1200 miles and have not seen snow for some time!!! Stayed with sister Helen and her husband Mike for a couple of days and that was fun. Helen of course is a bit crazy but in a good way. She also makes a mean potato salad but I didn't eat much of it. Well actually I ate most of it!
Stayed in Memphis last night. Have never never been in this part of the country so it has been kind of fun. I did get a call from the Krauses and also read the Caring Bridge entry so I do not know what I will do. I know the Lord is with them, the family as well as Jeanne and John. It is such a difficult time and the only thing that carries one through is the Lord.
No the hotel has a breakfast so will enjoy that before I hit the road again.

Happy 2011

2011-01-01T09:10:00.000-06:00

You can not go wrong starting the new year with these two little gals!!! Faustina, on the left, is 2 yr 7 months and Audrey is 2 yr 2 months. I would say they are the cutest!
As we start the new year here the temp is +2 and there are snow flurries in the air. I think winter temps and conditions have come back to say you live in the north and expect it to be cold and snowy.
I practiced being a bit lazy this morning as I woke up, said good morning to Wallace, had a cup of french press coffee and went back to bed for a time. I am planning to hit the road to warmer places tomorrow so thought I could use the extra sleep as I will be driving for about 10 1/2 hr tomorrow. I must get to Helen/Mike's before it is dark and they live in Holiday Island AR. Helen has promised me potato salad so that is exciting. I am mostly packed but need to do some things around here before tomorrow morning. I am bringing Wallace to Cynthia/Mike's and actually have begun to be a bit lonesome. I usually sit in the kitchen at the computer and he likes to stick his head through the doorway and put it under my right arm. He is so good as he does not have the run of the house so he stays in the back entry way. It would be so much fun to take him with me but he is big (80 pd) and he just does not fit into the car. I would have to drive the truck if I took him and that is just toooooo much gas!
No, I had best get the dishes washed, put a load of clothes in and get the house in better order. The work is never ending when there is nobody here to help pick up!!!
As I travel south and enjoy the warm weather I will blog some but not every day.

Good Bye 2010

2010-12-31T07:49:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow as we wake up it will be a new year, perhaps a new beginning, maybe new excitment but whatever term will define 2011 for us one thing is certain. Life will go on, change will take place and we need to hear the Lord and act. I am wondering what he may want me to change this year, what he may want me to do, where he may want me to go but of course time will tell.
I put the bike on my last blog of the year as it kind of sums up my year. It was an item that I spent more money on than anything for myself in my life. It was something that Aaron in such a special way guided me through so that I could get what I desired and then he ordered and built it for me. I realize that "things" are not really important but for many reasons this bike is special for me because of who made it, how it was put together, what I can do with it and it surely sums up my life at this point. The only thing that it does in a wrong way is it is such a fast bike and I still have this slow body!!!!
This year was really not too eventful but yet was special in many ways.

Our family was able to all be together July 4th weekend at a camp ground. That was special. Even when I ended up in the hospital with a bad back it was great to be together as a family.
Servant Camp was again so powerful in how God worked. It was inspiring to be part of it.
For sure the highlight was February 1st when little Ruby Gail Lee arrived in Madison. I just can not believe that a little female Bucky Badger can be so cute!!
Christmas Day was special this year as we were again all together. We almost did that earlier in June but Mike was out of town so we were all together minus one then.
Perhaps the most difficult part of 2010 was to see John/Mary/Audrey/Liam and Henry move to South Bend IN. No doubt it was what God intended for them at this time but for me it was very difficult to see them move 500 miles away. In our world now that may not be very far but when you desire to stop in for a cup of coffee on a cool rainy day it is too far!!
On a personal level biking and exercising was a highlight. I have not gotten to my desired weight but I was able to lose weight, in fact I am now 35 pounds less than when I retired 3+ years ago. Carrying less weight makes me feel better, makes me look better, helps me be more spiritually tuned in to God and it also gave me several new shirts and pants that had been too small!
Getting my bike was another highlight. It may sound crazy that a 63 year old guy would be so excited about a bike but it was wonderful and I am so thankful to Aaron.
I would say that I did not accomplish 2 of my biggest goals this year. Those were to get the electrical redone in the house and to paint the garage BUT I did finish round 2 and 3 of cleaning, ordering, throwing, and recycling. The biggest of that was to completely clean the front attic of the garage. In doing that I found a few things that I needed to find but really most of it was tossed.
My "down" of the year was my inability to do much woodworking. I tried and tried and tried to get out into the shop and mostly all I could muster up was some clean up, some ordering and then emotional turmoil would set in and I would sit and think of times past. I have not given up on my woodworking so will try again in 2011. Little did Gail know what went though my mind that sunny June day in 2009 when I brought in part of a project to show her. She looked at me with those eyes and said, "Carmen I can not die yet because I want to see all of the beautiful things you will make in your shop".
I did get a new car this year. It is always fun to have that but it was not a big deal.

So what will 2011 bring?? We do not know and would not desire to know ahead of time but for sure change will happen. My hope and prayer is that I can embrace and know what God has in mind and of course my free will enters into that in a big way so Lord give me wisdom and grace to live and act according to your desires for me.
I intend to spend a quiet last day of this year. I may stop over to some friends for a short time this evening but for the most part I will be quietly ending this year and spending time in prayer and thought about what tomorrow and next year may bring.
For those who read this I pray that 2010 has been a good year and that 2011 will be full of "Godly" things.

A day of contrasts

2010-12-30T18:20:00.000-06:00

Gail would have turned 65 today. I visited the gravesite and of course in the winter it is desolate and lonely feeling. I remained there for a time just to remember some of her most happy birthdays. The one where we gave her the table and chairs, the one where I gave her the special coat, the one where we surprised her at the Dodges, the one where we went out with Al/Deb and about 40 people came over and where here to surprise her when we got home. Yes there were many times to remember BUT here I am looking at 2011 and it seems so strange that we lost Gail in 2009. I am so thankful for the time with her.
The day was indeed strange. We received rain most of the day and one could see that the snow went down but there is still much much left. I spent about an hour and a half taking ice off of the two areas on the north side of the house. I was able to get maybe 20% of the ice off but more importantly was able to make a path so that water will not build up but will drain off of the roof. I expect and I hope that will take care of any problems before they start.
I now have ALL of the Christmas things put away and it looks kind of stark in here. I put all of the things in the attic as they were in my closet in the past. Before I took the tree out yesterday I still could smell it which was interesting as it had gotten very dry.
I had to think to myself as I came in this afternoon that really my body at times tells me that things are different than 10 years ago. I really did not like to be on the ladder near the roof line and when I got in the house I knew that I had worked for some time chopping. What is this, am I really getting to middle age????
I just finished eating and as I ate I watched gunsmoke---a show from the past.
I think it is time to do dishes.

A visit--a tear--a smile

2010-12-29T13:58:00.000-06:00

Not a whole lot to say today. Family gathered at the gravesite at 8:00 AM to remember Gail as it would have been her birthday tomorrow. After a short time we motored to Starks where we enjoyed breakfast as a family. We missed A/A/L/RG who of course are in Madison but be it Gail or other family members who are not here life continues to move oh so fast and change at a pace that is almost breath taking.
It has been kind of a difficult day for me so far. Thinking back on Gail/my life as her birthday approachs is difficult and then saying good-bye to John/Mary and family as they head back to IN has made the day a bit sad. I will be OK but maybe will need a small amount of time to recapture God's grace now.
The title is about the morning. A visit to the grave site, a tear for the sadness one feels and a smile for ALL the memories Gail gave each of us. Liam said he remembered grandma actually being unhappy with him one time when he threw something in the living room and it went on top of the fireplace. Of course he remembers all of the love that grandma gave him the most!! The example Gail was to us for what she gave to family, what she gave to each individual was amazing and something one is so so thankful.
I have much to do as I plan to head out in a few days to get some warm weather, visit family and friends and just take some time to be "me" as I did not get a vacation this past summer. I have decided to forget work at home, forget getting more order in the house and just be. I also have some important things to get done while I am gone as I need to try to find out what I should do with my life. I think it will help to get away, pray, visit, talk and just think about my future. Will D just stopped by to get something and I said I plan to take bike rides and maybe fashion a sign that says "I am Carmen and let me know if you have any ideas what I should do" but then as I thought about it that may not be a good idea!!!!!
Enough

A future rock star!!!!

2010-12-28T11:10:00.000-06:00

Here is Liam on Christmas Eve playing his new guitar and rocking to Christmas music!!! He fashioned a new hair style just for the song and I have to say he looks grand!!!! For a 5 1/2 year old guy he is certainly a hoot to be around and observe. He has a heart of gold and a mind that I dearly love.
Here we are only a short time away from a new year. What will it bring, what will happen and how will God appear in our lives daily?? They are questions that only time will answer and we wait, pray and hope each day.
Today we have a wonderful weather day. It is about +30 with bright sunny skies and no wind. I see where it is supposed to be warmer tomorrow and Thursday with maybe rain! How can that be when we have at least 3 feet of snow on the ground? We have had record snows for the month of December and there really is not much space to put more. I should get out to clear out the driveway again. It was all clear before the last snow but when it snows all one has to do is drive on it once before the shovel hits it and it is packed down.
In about a half hour there should be a dozen or more people here and it will be time to have hot dogs over the fire in the fireplace and then sit back and enjoy smores for dessert!! The fire has been stoked since 8:30 so grandpa is ready. Tonight a friend of John/Mary's is coming over and then the sad part---tomorrow morning the whole crew packs up and heads to IN again. I have told them time and time again that it is a BAD idea but to no avail. No I believe they are in the right place, the place God wants and intends for them but it is really too far away for grandpa. So what do I do??? I guess I make the best of things and stand proud that they so carefully listen to God and what he desires for them. It is indeed a wonderful thing when anyone of us can pray, listen, hear and obey our Lord. It sounds like God is blessing John in his work and their family in many ways so Thank you Lord.
I need to check the fire and get things ready for the hot

Here they are!!!!!

2010-12-27T07:59:00.000-06:00

Here are the munchkins in the order of their age. Of course it goes without saying that they certainly are the cutiest, smartest and best grand kids in the world. Each has such a personality that it is wonderful to observe and see how God creates all of us in such a different way.
Here we are on the last Monday of the year. Have a great day!!

Thank you Lord

2010-12-26T18:42:00.000-06:00

Liam-5, Henry 7, Audrey 2, Jude 1, Ruby Gail 11 months, Faustina 2, Leo 3
I guess I forgot to say Grandpa 63!!!!
It was a day to thank God for the wonderful gift of his Son. A gift that is unsurpassed by nothing. However it was also a day to thank God for family, for friends, for blessings and for the entire year of 2010. There were so many changes but will get into that at a later date. All of family came yesterday and it was a good day. We thought about Gail, we remembered Gail but yet we all know that she is in heaven and we must and we have moved on. She will remain in our hearts forever and the gifts of love and family that she demonstrated daily we try to live out daily. It was a day with some sad moments but a day to rejoice for so many reasons.
Now, December 26 we already begin to think and pray about 2011. What to do, where to go, how to use the blessings that God gives us and the list goes on and on. We already started things in a good way by all meeting at the place where Travis hangs out. There is a wonderful water park there and for 2 hours we swam, talked, played and enjoyed ourselves. John/Mary and family then went to friends for dinner, the rest went to Travis' for pizza and I came home to relax and go to bed early. Life has been busy and good the last few days.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T06:13:00.001-06:00

Here we are at Christmas 2010. May our mighty God continue to be with us, continue to love us, continue to be patient with us and protect us from the wrongs of our world. Thank you for your Son, Jesus, who came to save us, love us and be an example for us.
It has been a busy place round here. John/Mary/Henry/Liam and Audrey make for a full and fun home. Better company, better food, more fun and all the rest when the home is full and busy. Not much time to blog as this wireless is still giving me trouble and do not like to have it sitting in the kitchen with kids around.
I forgot to put out the stockings last night so had to do it at 5:30 this morning but you could guess Henry and Liam were up!!!
No I need to go, put the french press coffee on and spend some time with those guys. They are getting so so big. They each opened one present last night and Liam got a guitar. He is such a performer!! He may be the rock star some day. His moves already can rival the best----at 5 years old?????

Christmas's past

2010-12-19T21:21:00.000-06:00

Here is Leo (2 years ago) modeling his Grandma made PJ's which turned out to be Gail's last sewing project and the only project she did on her fancy 40th anniversary sewing machine.
Today was one of those days that one wants to just put behind them and not think about things again. I had 2 situations where I just came away as an emotional wreck. I do not know how people view me but I am kind of thinking that many friends would be surprised to hear me say that I absolutely hate conflict, disagreement or any kind of confrontation. Gail would always tell me that I could not see reality some times and I just wanted everything to always be happy, fine and never have disagreements. That may be a fairly true picture of me. Anyway today was not one of my banner days. DETAILS---well there will not be any here but it is enough to say that I feel batted down, stepped on and then left for fodder!! Not that anyone did anything wrong, no that is not the case. I just hate it when I know people are sad, upset or bothered in a big way and that happened today. Of course things will be OK, life will be fine tomorrow and if half the people in the world had no bigger problems than me it would be a greater place than it really is. But the truth is my day was not good. It was more a product of who I am and not related to others. Sometimes I just wish I could be different or have less faults or just was able to put things aside without attaching emotions to things but I often seem not able to do that. So when I fail it seems to me that I fail big time. Anyway I do need to gather my wits about me after a good nights sleep as Christmas is getting near and the focus needs to be on our mighty God and how he gave us his only son to be our savior.
It seems early but I am spent so will try to see if the pillow gives some relief.

A ride down memory lane

2010-12-19T12:31:00.000-06:00

Here is our family picture of 2008. Since then we have lost our Gail and gained Jude and Ruby Gail.
As I was riding my 30+ minutes on the bike this morning I listened to Christmas music to help the time pass but I also spent the time reflecting on life over the last many many years. Some of the thoughts were:

Life just moves way to fast
I have always been one to say I don't want to go back into the past I just want to move forward with my life and I guess I still say that but with the Advent Season here and Christmas fast approaching it is difficult to really have that in my heart.
I remembered the presents at home on the farm. Mom and Dad always put them above the kitchen cupbroards. I remember the reflectors on the tree lights.
I remembered my all time favorite present which was a clock radio. I knew I would so enjoy listening the Harry Cary and the St. Louis Cardinal baseball as I fell asleep in the summer time.
I remembered Gail's and my first Christmas together with our Charlie Brown tree.
One of the most fun Christmas presents in our family was when we gave a computer to the kids. Each one had a present to open and it was maybe the printer or the key board or another part and the screams of delight still ring in my ears.
Of course the many many times we would go and cut our tree. One year Gail decided she wanted 2 trees, one for the living room and one for the basement. On the way home one of them fell off the top of the car!!
The first 2 Christmas' we were in St. Paul most of my family came. We had aunts, uncles and cousins sleeping every place possible. It was one of our most fun extended family times.
All our Christmas times after grandchildren arrived were special
I thought about the Christmas we gave each of the boys a tool box that I made. I think they may still have them.
There was the time we drove to CA to be with grandma/grandpa Saunders

The thoughts went on and on and on. As I glanced at my timer and saw that my 30 minutes was up I was ready to reflect just a bit more on today. Here I was riding my bike at about 11:30 AM. I had been to church, had read the paper, had a bite to eat, spent time praying and now was finishing some exercise. As I went to take a shower I glanced at the guy in the mirror as I passed. My what a life can do to a person. It was not visible but I knew that in the back of that head was a bald spot, the arms did not look so strong, the neck had some wrinkles, the stomach was a bit too big, those biking legs were actually not bad, the chest didn't seem to be as broad as I think I remember BUT---with my best effort, with the attitude of a brave guy I smiled, held my head up straight and said in a voiceless tone, "God I am happy to be alive, I am happy to be here, I am thankful for a wonderful family and if I ever forget to be grateful please forgive me. Thank you for the gift of your son and I promise you that I will always try my best to love and serve you."
Well it is on the a couple of things before a 3:00 Christmas program I will be going to.

Picture

2010-12-17T23:15:00.000-06:00

The new picture on the blog is of the Nativity scene that I gave Gail for her 40th birthday. It has stayed fairly nick and damage free for the last 25 years. We have used it almost every year and it has been in many different places. One year it was on the deck protected by plastic. It still is bright in color and of course has many memories attached to it.
It is hard to believe that one week from tonight will be Christmas Eve. The season is here and it certainly is a time to rejoice for how good our God is.
One really nice thing this year is I have received many pictures in Christmas cards. Actually I have not gotten that many cards yet but many of the ones that have come have pictures which is nice. It is always fun to see friends, their families or their places.
I think it is time to go to bed

I love that dog

2010-12-17T00:55:00.000-06:00

Here is Wallace showing how much he loves me. He is sound asleep using my shoes as a reminder that he loves to be near me!!
Not much new on my end. I have been kind of marking time in some ways. Can hardly wait to see everyone for Christmas, especially those little ones from South Bend. It has been 4 months so I may not know who they are as they probably are so big now.
I have gotten some work done in the house in preparation for Christmas. I will share the details later.
It seems like yesterday day that I had the open house and here it is a week ago so there again time flies when you are having fun. I finally got the last of the things put away yesterday, things that are used only for parties etc. Of course I again will get them out when Christmas comes.
I did drive down to Burnsville today as that is now the closest woodworking store. Well actually there is one in Bloomington but I like the one in Burnsville better. While I was there I stopped in at the Burnsville shopping mall. I think that is the first time I have been there. I remembered our friends Marty and Dick Weber while I was there. For some reason that was Marty's favorite place to shop. Both of them died at a fairly young age several years ago. Marty had some illness that caused her finger to just shrink and disappear kind of. I remember how brave she was and how difficult it was for her to go places but she did get to all of her son's soccer games etc. Times past, wow the memories are there for sure.
I did get over to John Krause's place tonight as some of us helped him get much junk out of his garage. It is in my pick up now and will drive it out to the junk place tomorrow. It was nice to help him get some of that stuff out of the place. As I was driving home I thought about the attic in the garage and the fact that it is now clean--- so so thankful for the energy and means to get that done this fall.
Enough for now as it is way way way past my bed time.

A new day and all is white

2010-12-13T09:43:00.000-06:00

Here is Niles Ave looking east towards St. Kate's. The snow ended about 4:00 PM or so on Saturday and this picture is at about 4:00 PM Sunday. No sign of snow plows yet. As I write today there has been some plowing which means one can drive (carefully) on Niles. The day is bright and COLD. Not really as cold as the forecast said but at about -7 with a breeze it reminds one that winter is here.
Not much planned for the day. Will have to get out and about later today as I have been home since Friday AM and it seems like I need to get some fresh air and new scenes. Not that I don't like my home but enough is enough so will venture out later this morning. Maybe I can find something to shop for even though I am pretty much finished with Christmas shopping. Fleet Farm sounds kind of inviting. I enjoy looking at the sporting goods and farm toys. Maybe I should pick up an international M tractor just like the good old days!! No I guess I am beyond that so will look at something else. Anyway my driveway is shoveled and the street is kind of passable so will get out to rid myself of this "closed in" feeling. It actually would not be a bad idea to go for a walk but I think I will ride bike inside for exercise today.
I did finish picking up the house yesterday as party things were all over the place. Got the table back in place, the card table down, the dishes washed and now it is what do I do with the left over pop and candy?? I could save it for when John/Mary come but I kind of think they may not want the kids to feast on that kind of stuff. If I do that they may not want to come back to visit and that would be bad.
I think I may jump on the bike for a while, shower after that and head out to Fleet Farm to see if I can spend a dollar or two.

A party--A storm-A time to relax

2010-12-12T08:21:00.000-06:00

Wow so much in so little time over these last 48 hours.
To start out the open house was a success. I am guessing about 40 people came to enjoy goodies, the season spirit and wonderful conversation. We had too much food but why would one complain about that?? Cynthia's lefsa was again a hit as the picture shows. Faustina and Mary Oberg became great friends and I did not get a picture of Jude but he had to be the hit of the party. With his chubby legs, his famous smile and then running around in his diaper showing off his figure he was a hoot!! I was happy the storm held off as 40 people over night---I don't think so!!!
I woke up to much snow yesterday. I am guessing the yard stick is pretty much proof that we got about 19 inches. I put the yard stick down until I hit the old hard snow so it is real. As I write this morning, Sunday, I am the only one with a shoveled walk on my side of the street. I have my driveway open but the street is about impassible so it is once again home alone for the day. Wallace was so good as he did not want to venture out into the snow to do his business but he did and you can see that he and I could play house out there as the path to the garage is deeper than he is tall.
The storm is kind of nice. No mail, no paper and no company. That means I can do computer work, read, watch TV, sit and think, pray, take a nap and all is fair play as the outside is off limits for now. Don't start the car, don't venture out in the -30 degree wind chill, just hang out in the house and pretend that one is on vacation. I did forget but maybe I should turn off the ringer on the phone. I do know without a doubt that this kind of mini-vacation makes sisters Helen and Joan want to live in the midwest again!
With this snow and cold I am beginning to think about a possible vacation in January where I could stop at Helen/Mike's for a time, go to Flordia and visit a couple of friends who spend part of the winter there and then drive back and spend time in South Bend and Madison. If I do that I would need to be back for Grandma Saunder's birthday February 5 but 4 or 5 weeks in warmer weather sounds kind of fun. Maybe?? It would be pretty exciting to put the bike in the car and head out to places one could ride. Oh I almost forgot I suppose I would need to see if Helen/Mike are going to be home as they travel sometimes. Anyway it is nice to dream and we will see.
No I had better see if there is any food in this house.

A party today

2010-12-10T09:26:00.000-06:00

Here is the picture of the shoes from our open house last year. We will see who comes this year. I hope some neighbors and friends show up so we can laugh, share and get to know each other better. Last year I met some people I had never talked to and that was fun. If only Gail could be here to enjoy---but we will have fun and we will share memories of times past. As I look at my life today and look at it a year ago I feel that I am ready to move on with happy memories and an excitement for the future. I know that I will have to do that with dishes in the sink sometimes, dust under the table for sure, a bed that is made but looks like a man made it, grand-kids who love grandpa but miss grandma so much even though they do not realize it and perhaps most of all a heart that is healed to the point that only occasionally does it seep loneliness and emptiness.
I do think it may be time here to get some more work done. The den is still a mess, the living room is not ready for a party and in general the entire house shouts with a loud voice "A man has prepared this place for Christmas and it is lacking MUCH!!!" I had better be thankful for that "whoever" that left some goodies, some Kona coffee and some beautiful wreaths that are now on the front of the house. I guess to be honest I am happy with what is done in the house and I know that the people are the most important so all is good. Anyway it is what it is and tonight should be a fun time.

Happy Birthday John

2010-12-08T10:01:00.000-06:00

Forty-one years ago John came into our lives and of course things were never the same in a good way. He always had a way of reving things up, making things happen, exploring the new, doing things differently and in general making family interesting, fun, loving and new. Today of course he has a wonderful family, is practicing being a super husband and father and as always makes his dad (and of course in the past his mother) proud of him. Each of my children, in their own way, are creative, fun, loving and precious but today I salute you John as one of the BEST!
I continue to prepare for the open house Friday. I brought some coffee to Cynthia this morning to thank her for the goodies on the deck but she said they were not from her. So someone out there thinks I need help in Christmas goodies and decorations and they may be right. Who ever left things on the deck for me a huge THANK YOU and next time let me know who you are so I can thank you in person.
I put the lights on the tree this morning so now must arrange them and get some decorations up. I am not making a big deal of Christmas decorations but need to do a few things.
I pray this Advent season will be great for all.

A relearning of a life lesson--AGAIN

2010-12-06T06:39:00.000-06:00

Here we are on a Monday morning. Another weekend is in the books and we are ever so close to Christmas. Seems that Christmas now comes more than once a year the time flies by so fast!
I had an uneventful weekend but I did relearn a life lesson. One should not have expectations of others for many reasons. I went into more than one situation last weekend with expectations. Of course when a person does that more often than not the other person or persons do not know what is on your mind. When that happens of course things will not happen as one wants or thought they should. Let down!!! What I am talking about was not life changing, not terribly disappointing, not really that important but still when things happen like that they tend to be a bit of a downer. So as I was in bed last night thinking of the day I was able to realize that what I had experienced was really a short coming on my part. I know and I realize that I should go into social situations or family situations or what ever with things in mind that I need to give or things in mind that I need to do but to have expectations of others is a recipe for failure as all too often expectations are not met or not even possible. And even more they many not even be right! So as I slept last night I asked for grace to change, to realize that my shortcomings come all too often.
I am looking at some work that needs to be done before my open house on Friday. Not a lot but some cleaning, some decorating, some ordering of things that need to be done. It will be interesting and fun to see if the open house this year is as successful as last year. I hope it is as people who came last year seemed to have fun and enjoy gathering, talking, sharing and having treats and eats that went with the season.
I do have a breakfast get together this morning at 7:15 with Jim C. It seems like we have not gotten together for some time but we have tried to do it monthly.
In the family we have John's birthday Wednesday. It is so hard to believe that Gail's little red head and my little boy arrived 41 years ago. Gail was so so ready to be a mother and oh my goodness she did such a wonderful job.
Maybe I will make myself some french press coffee before I meet Jim as we are going to a place where the coffee would be a B- at best.

Time goes just too fast

2010-12-03T11:10:00.000-06:00

Here it is Friday and it seems that I blogged only yesterday but it really was Sunday.
The week has gone very fast. What have I done???

I have been able to ride bike indoors each day for about 30 min or so
Had 2 breakfasts out with friends
Had 5 guys over for meditations Thursday at 6:00 AM
Cynthia/Mike/Faustina and Jude have been here since Wednesday afternoon as they are having some work done on their wood floors. The smell is too strong to stay there. They may be here tonight again.
I totally finished my Christmas shopping
Have gotten out the invitations for my open house next Friday
Have gotten out about 15 Christmas cards so far. At this point I will send out cards as I get some

I guess that is the bulk of what I have done. I can not believe how fast the time flies. Here we are at December 3 already and almost finished with the first week of Advent.
Not too much more to say. I do need to do some serious work in the house before my friends/neighbor open house next Friday but that is a week away so do have some time. Before that I need to get the tree in and put up some decorations so a person knows that Christmas is coming. Of course that is a VERY strong point in my skills so I am sure when all is finished it will look really really nice. NOT Really it is not that bad but it always was Gail's thing and I never helped too much but one can always learn new things. I think last year it turned out not too bad.
Enough

It's OK to pretend

2010-11-28T13:55:00.002-06:00

I hopped in the pickup this morning and drove into Wisconsin about 45 miles to cut down my Christmas tree. BUT the picture you see is not from today. It is from 2 years ago! WHY?? Well the story is in 2005 Gail and I drove to get a tree at Wagon Landing Tree Farm. In 06, 07 and 08 John/Mary and kids came and we stopped on the way home each time for lunch. Last year John/Mary/family and I went to get a tree and then there was 1!!! The 1 is "I" so I felt why not do the same thing even if I go solo and so I did. However I did not stop at the family cafe as we always did but rather there was a fast stop at McDonald's on the way home. My my how things change quickly. I did get a Fraser Fir again but decided not to get such a large one. Mainly because I am not great at making it look pretty and the smaller the better for me. I decided not to go too far back so I did not go to Gail/my first Christmas when we settled for a Charlie Brown tree that was about 2 feet tall nor did I go back to the next year when we lived in Old Main on campus of the North Dakota School for the Deaf and our ceilings were 12 feet tall. We picked out the tree that was left in the lot which the local church did not want and it reached to almost the 12 foot ceiling!! Anyway my tree is now in the truck in the garage and I will have to decide when to bring it in and put it up.
The last few days have been busy busy busy. Aaron/Amy and kids arrived Wednesday afternoon and were here until Friday late afternoon. Cynthia/Mike and kids were here for Thursday and again some on Friday. Also for Thanksgiving were Lizzia, Betina and from Mike's family Jeanne and Jordan. It was a fun day, good food and great conversation.
Yesterday I was out and about for a while and finished the little shopping I need to do. Well I do have to figure out stocking stuffers and actually I am sure I do not have enough stockings so not sure what I should do about that. I find it difficult to pick out things for little girls so struggled a bit with Audrey's and Faustina's presents. Ruby Gail's was a bit easier as she is not yet 1 so a stuffed animal is fine. Getting something for Jude was a slam dunk as he loves to throw the ball and I had purchased things for the 3 older boys some time ago. For them I probably went with things that are a bit old for them but it should be OK.
I spent some time yesterday getting rid of about a dozen things that are now too large for me. I do not like things to fit tightly but some of the shirts and pants were beyond the loose fit and well into the baggy tag and that was not good. Goodwill here I come tomorrow. I also was able to clean up my bedroom as I had let things slip a bit and it looked like a room of disaster. I have now made my bed so many days without missing that I am almost ready to say it is a habit. NOT yet but soon can I say that.
I have been able to get on my bike on the trainer Aaron left here but am finding that I am out of shape big time. I rode for only 20 minutes yesterday and 25 minutes today and I was sweaty and tired. I did get the seat adjusted and I think that helps me much so I do sit better on the bike. I think the resistance in the trainer makes riding a bit more taxing than if one were on the road but I do not think that is all bad.
The weather is glorious for late Thanksgiving. As I sit here it is sunny and in the high 40's so can not get much better than that. Keep it coming Lord.
The Binde's will be stopping by this afternoon as they used my I Pass on their trip to DC and will travel back this way today. Will be fun to hear of the good times they had.
Need to get going so that is enough for now.

Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-24T06:41:00.000-06:00

My title is a day early but with company here much of the next 2 days it may be my only time to wish people, who may open my blog, a happy and blessed Thanksgiving. You may say what a goofy picture to wish someone a happy Thanksgiving BUT I view the tree as a symbol of love, hope, things past and things to come. As I looked at this picture I could not help but think of the summer. Things had been green, the tree had new growth and it was a thing of beauty--life sure parallels that I think. Then the tree turns to a golden red and people forget the summer foliage and say what a thing of beauty--really it is not any more beautiful than the summer, just in a different way, kind of like life can be. God is always with us and in us but really we need to look at ourselves in different ways at different times. In a short time it will be bare and then people will not notice it or make any comments. In fact they may walk or drive past and think what an ugly tree that is. But really it is the same tree but only in a different stage. Could we be like this tree in many ways? Sometimes I do wonder if people look at me and put me in the "beautiful" stage (I know you can laugh if you want!) or if they put me in the ugly stage. Whatever they may do it is only as deep as the bark, I mean skin. Of course the next thing is the tree will change as buds come and it will again be a thing of beauty and at that point it will be bigger, stronger and perhaps more beautiful than ever before. I hope I and you can be like that tree in some ways. Always being the same on the inside but yet growing, changing, improving, loving God more, serving God more and being an instrument of His change here on earth. I feel that I am a changed man over these last 15 months. I hope I have remained the same on the inside but on the outside I hope I have become an instrument of God's kingdom here on earth more than in the past.
Travis is coming at noon to help me a bit. Aaron/Amy with Leo and Ruby Gail are coming this afternoon and then tomorrow we will all enjoy each other, the food and all that goes into special holidays. Of course we will miss our Gail so much but yet will also rejoice in the knowledge that we had her with us for some many special times and were so blessed my her. I am sure she is enjoying maybe a Thanksgiving EACH day in heaven and perhaps having something much much better than turkey and dressing!!!!
I still do not have my wireless fixed so I will take this computer out of the kitchen and may not have it set up for a couple of days.
If you happen to read this have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day, remember where all of your blessing really come from and pray for the many many people who have so little.

My get up and go has got up and went!

2010-11-22T09:30:00.000-06:00

The picture is of my recycling a week ago. Today I also had 3 large boxes of things out. It is good to have so much of those things out and gone but of course there is so much more to do. I often ask myself why did I keep so many things so long? The answer is unimportant but never the less I do ask it. Yesterday day I spent much time in my wood shop. I found things that I have not seen for a LONG time. Why why why?
Perhaps it is laziness, or too much work, or lack of money or maybe just a matter of what have been my priorities over the last 33 years. Whatever the answer I want, I need to declutter, clean and have things in OK order. I am hoping to make another trip to the refuse place today but by the title of my morning write I may not get there.
I woke up with great ideas, great plans and a desire to "get it done". THEN I climbed out of bed and wilted. Even though the house was warm I was chilly, even though I was rested I felt tired, I looked at the temp and it said 30, that is warm but when I went outside I thought it was cold, I wanted a nice breakfast but settled for a cold slice of meat on a bun. The point is something left me from the point of waking up to the point of getting dressed and I can't find it!!! I am thinking a nap may help but that sounds pretty pathetic at 9:00 AM. Then again maybe I don't feel well and a rest would help:) I actually think that could be building a case for laziness.
Regardless of what I do or don't get done today I am thankful for good health, a house to live in, enough resources to live on and a God that is so loving, so forgiving and so protective that I feel like a king. Thank you Lord.
As I write I am sipping my french press coffee and it may be giving me some energy. I will sign off and see if the get up and go that got up and went is anywhere to be found!
I have an idea. As we look at this week we are marching towards Allen/Debbie's 34th wedding anniversary on Friday. You may want to pick out a card and send it to them telling them what a wonderful family they have and what a wonderful couple they are. They are responsible for me being in this house as we needed money for a down payment and they gave us $10,000 as a loan so that we could close. Thanks again Al/Deb.

Every little bit helps

2010-11-21T19:01:00.000-06:00

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Every little bit helps. I spent much of my weekend moving, sorting, throwing, recycling, cleaning and I have much more to do but as the pictures show some work was finished. The pile of wood is toungue and groove ash (300 board feet), hard maple and a log that could be used for a bench, fireplace etc. The bench is beginning to look like I may be able to do some work on it. I have not been able to get into the shop since Gail died. I still can hear her words when I showed her a table leg which I had made in May of 2009. She said, "Carmen I can not die yet because I want to see all the beautiful things you will make out of wood. Each time I walk into my shop I hear those words and the emotions just well up and take over any energy I may have entered with. This weekend was a bit different. I was able to do some things and I am hopeful that I will get some work done. I have a few projects to complete, that is if the people they are for still have the patience to wait for me.
The weekend has been a slow, peaceful, kind of a lazy time. Have not heard or seen any family or really any friends either so it has been kind of a "go it alone time" for me. I continue to try to focus on "decluttering", keeping the weight off, getting some exercise in and just being the kind of person I feel God is asking me to be. I did get a couple of loads of clothes washed and I used the dryer for the first time this year as I have been hanging things on the line.
I did enjoy having the Binde's stay over night Friday and then making breakfast for them Saturday morning before they continued on their way to Washington DC for their fall trip.
I also did have a follow up Dr. appt Friday morning and all is fine. Sometimes I feel they want you to come back for advice or whatever just to get their co-pay. I hope I am finished with Dr. for a while.
Not much more to say. I do have few things to do before Aaron/Amy arrive Wednesday for turkey day. It will be fun to see them again but for sure will miss John/Mary and kids. I am hoping to see them in early December but not sure yet. I want to travel down there but have not made final plans yet.
I need to do some paper work tonight. I received a call from Chase today saying that someone had tried to charge $10,000+ on my credit card. Wow, I had better do my homework to be sure things are in order there. Got to go.

Time flies

2010-11-18T15:04:00.000-06:00

Oh my how the time goes by so fast. It is now Thursday and it seems like it should be Tuesday or so. I don't really know if that is good or bad but for sure it means that I am not bored in any way.
Some things that have happened this week.

Enjoyed dinner at the Winds last night. Susan is such as wonderful cook. The stew last night was to die for and of course I ate too much.
Am going out again for dinner tonight and am looking forward to it.
Travis and I went out for lunch today as a belated birthday meal. Not like the birthday meals Gail used to so enjoy making for the kids but that is the way life is right now.
I took the last load of junk out today. That means that not only is the garage front attic clean but all the junk that was up there is now in junk heaven. After so many bags, so much recycling and $60 poorer it does feel good. I have already started to put some seasonal things up there to clear out the front of the garage. Hope to get that done and a car in soon.
Today was meditation day but instead the guys came and we enjoyed breakfast while sharing what God is doing in our lives currently. I over slept a bit but still the egg dish was ready by 6:20 AM so not too bad. We currently have 7 guys, including me, who come and it is always a rich time in the Lord.
Had a meal over at Cynthia's earlier this week. She made a dish out of kale from my garden spot. It was strong but I ate it all so almost feel like Popeye now!!
Have finished the plans for Thanksgiving day next week. Am looking forward to A/A coming but we sure will miss J/M.

It looks like winter is here to stay. Not much snow in the forecast but the temps will stay down so all the snow will not melt. At this time we probably have 2-3 inches on the front lawn. For this time of year not bad and really the weather has been nice.
Enough for now.

Sunday

2010-11-14T19:33:00.000-06:00

It has been a slow Sunday. It is the first day that we have woken up and gone to sleep to the sight of snow snow. Some melted but much remains and maybe it will go later in the week but am not sure.
The sunrise picture was taken during deer hunting. That is one of the reasons it is fun to go hunting when a person gets to enjoy God's beauty.
I did do some work in the garage attic and totally finished cleaning it. It has been a long long time since it was clear and it looks great. A very nice feeling to have that done. I wish I had taken a before and after picture but I did not. Tomorrow I will put out many boxes of recycle papers and then the front of the garage will be ready to clean so that the car or the pickup can go in. Last winter the pickup went in.

Travis is on the left and it is his birthday today. Way back in November of 1971 we went into the hospital late evening of the 13th and Travis was born about 6:00 AM on the 14th. Back in those days fathers could not go into the birthing room so it was wait and wait. About 8:00 AM or so Gail was doing fine so I left and bagged a nice little buck about 10:00 AM. Not sure I would do that if I had it over again but it was that way and Gail did not seem to mind or at least she did not say anything. When Cynthia was over here tonight we looked at some of the old movies and Travis was a cutie. Today at 39 he is such an outstanding guy and I am so proud of who he is, what he stands for and his outstanding character. By the way that is Aaron on the right.

No more Indian summer

2010-11-13T14:40:00.000-06:00

Here is a picture of the snow about 2-3 inches ago!!! It goes without saying that outdoor biking is history for a while and the order of the day for several months is probably indoor activities. No complaints as you either like Minnesota weather or you can move and I don't plan to move.
I see that the last blog was Wednesday. I can't believe that but I guess the computer does not lie. I say to myself that I will blog each day and then I sit down to do it and the last one was 3 days ago.
The weekend is here and there are no big plans. With the snow I think it may be best to stay home, light the fireplace and either read or clean the den. I know I SHOULD clean but will see if I do. I almost finished going through the garage attic. I started 23 garbage bags ago and am almost finished. More than once I begin to say to myself "Gail why did you keep this" and then I thought of all the things I could do better and I then changed my thoughts to "Gail you were so wonderful and I loved you so much". I may take a bit of time to put some things up there that are on shelves in the front of the garage. I think that would help me get the car in between the shelves on the west and the wood on the east. It may not be until early next week before the car goes in but it will happen for sure. I currently have about 4-6 large boxes of recycle things that are sitting there and they can not go out until Monday AM.
It will be interesting to see if the snow stays. I think it will melt as the temps are supposed to get into the low 40's or at least the high 30's in the next few days and there is still a lot of warmth in the ground.
My back took a turn for the worse a few days ago. Not as bad as last July but not real good either. I have been on IB and ice for a few days and it does seem to be a little better each day. As I move around it is not too bad but if I sit for a while getting up is a pain, really a PAIN.
Enough.

A great stand but no deer

2010-11-10T18:39:00.000-06:00

Here is Dale standing in my stand. It certainly worked well but I do think that if the weather had been cold I could not have stayed up there too long. I can see why many stands are enclosed.
We are getting rain as I write. I do not know how much we will get but for some time it came down in buckets.
I have gotten about 35% of the things out of the garage attic. I did not realize how much was up there. Clothes, clothes and more clothes. There are also some boxes of papers etc. I have no idea how this happened but in one box I found my SS card. I was sure I had it maybe just before I retired but could not find it for the last few years. Well there it was in one of the boxes. It now is in the safe. I really do not know if I will ever need it again but it is nice to have.
With the time change I am reminded how very long the dark hours are and I do remember how last year the evenings dragged on and on and on. I have to come up with some idea to prevent that again as that was very difficult. When it gets dark at 4:30 or so the evening stretches out for ever it seems.
Not much happening this week. It is nice to have kind of a slow week. I do have some things in the next couple of days but with coming home on Monday the week is shorter and time flies so fast.
I do have men's group in a few minutes so will close.

Home again

2010-11-09T09:54:00.000-06:00

Here is one of my favorite deer hunting pictures!! I know these are geese, not deer but it is what it is!!

The deer won again this year. Not many signs, not many deer but I will admit that maybe they were playing right below my deerstand as I took pictures. I sat in that darn stand for 11 hours on Saturday and again the same on Sunday. Then on Monday I sat there for about 3 hours and never fired my gun. I thought that maybe, just maybe if I sat there all week I may get off a shot and then I asked myself do I want to sit here for a week?? I decided that would not be a lot of fun so I came home yesterday afternoon. I really did enjoy most of the time there. I arrived in the stand about 90 min before sunrise and at that time the sky was clear and the stars were spectacular. I marveled when I would see a star shoot across the sky and wonder how God ever came up with such a creation plan. As the sun would peak over the horizon the sky would turn many many colors and it was fun to see the changes. I also enjoyed looking across the land and seeing only darkness then slowly, ever so slowly land forms, trees and all the rest would appear as the light came and it would look almost like magic.
That being said I really did have my heart set on a deer but it was not to be. I did have a deer in my scope twice and could have shot but it was so so far that I decided not to fire. Maybe another time or another place.
I do need to go get Wallace today. He is at the Obergs and he may not want to come home as he loves them and for sure those young kids. He will be spoiled for sure.
I also will get the bike trainer today as Jean Larken will drop it off this afternoon. I will not use it for some time as here we are November 9th and the temp is supposed to be 67 today. One must ride outside when it is that warm so will climb on the bike this afternoon and go for a ride. I am guessing that not often would a person be able to go for a nice ride this late in the fall.
I think I need to get my razor out too as I have about a week of stubble on the face. Most of it is gray and maybe if I leave it people will think I am old and smart or most likely they will just think I am old!!!
Enough

It truely is fall

2010-11-04T10:24:00.000-05:00

Here I sit writing a short short note before I head north to build, think, enjoy, visit and maybe, just maybe shoot at a deer. I always think at this time of the year about why I hunt deer. Is it for being outside, is it for the venison, is it for getting away, is it for the fresh air, the sunrises and the sun sets. Or maybe it just is tradition, family, dad, brothers as I meld all those into memories that I so enjoy. I would really like to bring home a deer this year if for no other reason to say I built this great deer stand and shot a deer from it. But if I come home empty of deer but full of mini candy bars, sausage sandwiches and honey crisp apples that will be fine. Of course it is always fun to visit with Deb/Dale and for the second time in 3 years I will enjoy lunch with Grandma Saunders on Friday. We made a date for 11:00 Friday so that should be fun. It will be interesting to see how much we talk about our Gail. I would be remiss if I did not mention the times Gail went with me and she and grandma made apple pies or we just sat around in the evening and chatted.
So here I be, a bit later than I had thought but I am ready to hit the road and go places for a few days. I doubt that I will sit at a computer until I arrive home which could be as early as Sunday or as late as Wednesday, whenever the spirit leads!

A great helper

2010-11-02T23:25:00.000-05:00

Faustina came with me to the voting place so she could let me know who I should vote for. She was a great help and I am sure between her and grandpa we voted for all of the winners!!
I will spent much of tomorrow getting the final things ready for deer hunting and then will leave later in the week. I am hoping Dale has that big buck tied up for me but then again maybe that should not happen.
I had a fire in the fire place for the first time this fall. It was almost too warm but really was fun and the little ones were here to help me enjoy it. I was wishing Leo, Liam, Henry could have been here to roast hot dogs. We will have to do that over Thanksgiving or Christmas.
The election results are pretty much in and it looks like we will have a split congress so can that lead to more cooperation and getting things done??? It perhaps is doubtful. The way our elected officials seem to think that it always has to be their way or the highway it almost wants us to go back to the "good old days" where they argued and argued and then at 11:59 PM they huddled in the back room and came out at 12:05 AM with a deal that was OK for all and not great for anyone! Those statements probably tell people that I am over 60! Whatever happens it sure would be nice if our elected officials knew how to argue, debate and get outraged but in the end knew how to compromise and get something done.
Enought,

Happy 30th birthday Cynthia-the mircle-God's gift to Gail

2010-11-01T01:15:00.000-05:00

First a baby who loves her mother so much--then a daughter who loves her mother so much and finally a mother who loves her daughter so much!!! God is good.

Today is a very special day. My Cynthia turns 30. The fact that she turns 30 is not special but the story of how Cynthia came into this world is a miracle, a gift and a blessing. The story goes like this:

In the fall of 1974 the world seemed to be so wonderful. We had John (5), Travis (3) and Aaron (1). We wanted more children and we wanted a girl. Gail was of course so happy with our family but she certainly looked forward to having a daughter, someone she could raise in the likeness of herself and someone she could relate to as a woman and mother. Disaster struck in the fall. I was asked to attend a conference in Fargo and I begged Gail to come with me so we could spend time together in the evenings. Grandma and grandpa Saunders agreed to take the 3 boys so we could enjoy some time apart from parenting. It would be the first time ever we had done that. The first night in Fargo Gail started to feel sick. In the next couple of hours she would say she was really sick and then would feel better. In between times as the TV was on Gail became frighten and said she saw the Devil on TV. We knew no doctors in Fargo but finally we had to go to the ER room. For the next 10 days Gail got sicker and sicker and they could not diagnose what was wrong. Finally we changed hospitals and she had surgery. She had been in the hospital for those days with a burst appendices and it was slowly slowly killing her. She ended up staying in the hospital for 4 weeks, she lost 25 pounds and would suffer for the next 2-3 years from scar tissue etc. The doctor also said that it was good we had our little family because there was major damage to organs and there would be no more children. This news was heart breaking for Gail as the dream of a larger family and the dream of a daughter was gone. For the next 3 years we lived with the idea of no more children but then in the summer of 1977 we decided to look into adoption. At this same time we begin to look into moving to St. Paul from our home in Devils Lake ND. In August of 1977 we stopped in Fargo on our way to St. Paul to discuss adopting a little girl from South America. In the end we felt that our move made things so busy that adoption would be put on hold. For 3 years we settled into St. Paul, the boys in new schools, me in a new job and of course we became very very involved in People of Praise Christian Community. During that time adoption came up infrequently and both of us kind of settled in to the idea that a family of 3 boys was fine. One morning in February I woke and in a strange but powerful way I knew Gail was pregnant and I knew God would bless us with our little girl. As I dressed for school I became excited to tell Gail. I hurried downstairs and announced to her that she was pregnant. She burst into tears and became very angry. She went on to explain how difficult it was for her to accept no more children and then when she finally had kind of accepted it here I was making a joke of it. I tried to explain but needed to get to school and I left with my wonderful Gail angry, frustrated and in tears. That day I came home for lunch with fear that Gail would still be upset with me. No she said she was fine but please no more talk like that. I said really honey you are pregnant. A week or two later she thought maybe that was true and sure enough she was expecting. No tests, no anything but we knew God was giving us a little girl so several times in the next months I would come home with pink this and pink that. Well 30 years ago today Cynthia came into our world and Gail's dream had come true.
I must say that for sure John,Travis and Aaron are just as special as Cynthia but to have such a wonderful God who was so generous as to give Gail a daughter is just a miracle. I could go on and on about the dresses the first few years, the refusal to wear them as she got older, the times that were so so special and of course the times that were not perfect!!! I would say that Gail's relationship with Cynthia really begin to come into focus as she graduated from high school and after that with each day it seemed to get better and better and more special and more special. Of course I can remember times when Gail was not that happy with Cynthia but mostly I remember how proud she was, how thankful she was and how much she appreciated God's gift to her. As I write this I do not mean to down play my relationship with Cynthia as having a daughter is very special to me too but for Gail it was the ultimate gift of life that God gave her. It certainly was another gift as she was able to be there during the birth of her first granddaughter.
I can not say a lot more. God is good, he is loving and for that I am so thankful.
Happy birthday Cynthia. You are special, you are such a wonderful mother and wife, you are beautiful and I am so thankful and so proud to say you are my daughter. I love you.

A day of work

2010-10-30T19:59:00.000-05:00

It was again a day of wonderful weather for the fall. I was able to get much work done outside. In the morning I got a load of clothes hung on the line, I was able to move all of my firewood, got somethings cleaned up in the garage and some things picked up in the yard. It was kind of fun.
I also was able to get in a short bike ride. The 8 1/2 miles was short and a little chilly. I was so happy as my shoulder did not bother me much so maybe that is getting better. I sure hope so as I just hate pain.
As I write this the time shows 8:00 and really that should be just the beginning of the evening but for some reason I am tired so will try to get to sleep early.

A first for the fall

2010-10-29T21:23:00.000-05:00

When I woke this morning the temp was 25 and there was frost all over. The first of the fall and here we are almost into November. Wallace's water dish was frozen so I know that we are closing in on our winter season.
I did get out for a short run this morning. My hands actually got cold and I was only out for 25 minutes. Have not been on my bike for some time and don't really know when or if that will happen. It certainly will not happen if we have more mornings of 25 or lower.
I had a fun evening yesterday. I came home from doing some errands about 6:30 with the idea that I would not do any more for the day. A friend called to say that some friends were going to a play in Burnsville and one person did not show up. I said I would take the ticket and it was a fun time. I may have to do more of that to get a little cultured!!
There really has not been a whole lot happening in the last week or so. I had wanted to and thought about driving to South Bend this weekend but then the thought of a short trip and over a thousand miles of driving just did not sound very good. I plan to go visit sometime after Thanksgiving and maybe around John's birthday.
I am looking forward to deer hunting next weekend. I may be out of town for a few days as I need to go at least a day early to finish the deer stand and then it would be nice to stay until I could shoot a deer. Of course that could be until Christmas or so! No the season is only 10 days but for sure I will not stay that long.
Monday will be Cynthia's birthday. My or my it just does not seem possible that she can be 30 already. Many many people know the story of her birth but will share it in detail on Monday. I do think that the day Cynthia was born was close to the happiest day of Gail's life and it may have been THE happiest day. God was so real, so loving and so close to us November 1, 1980 that I almost get goose bumps yet when I think of it.
I did make a trip to the dr today as my shoulder from the bike fall still bothers me a lot. The X-rays showed that there is nothing broken or fractured but it still is very sore. The dr said that I should give it another 3-5 weeks and if it still is very sore they could do an MRI. I am not sure what good that would do but will see what happens. I am almost beginning to think that the shoulder is fine and I just can not tolerate pain of any kind.
Time to watch the news and then maybe try to get to bed early.

Alone and empty

2010-10-23T21:10:00.000-05:00

OK so again it was one of those days that come and go and you want never to come again. It was the kind of day that shows me again and again how weak I am and maybe how empty I am.
It started out with a 7 AM men's meeting which was good but for some reason I kept having thoughts during the meeting of how OUR (Gail's and mine) life had been in People of Praise for so long and now of course it is no more. From there I went to a memorial service for Mary S who Gail knew. Mary died of breast cancer this week. Those functions are difficult and when I knew them quit well and breast cancer was involved it is more difficult. After a 90 minutes service and lunch after that I stopped at the Krauses to see how I could help John. His wife Jeanette has cancer. On my way home from there I stopped at Cynthia/Mikes but they had company so I did not go in. After working on some wood thing for John I returned to work with him. Later in the evening I decided I needed a Jude and Faustina fix but as I stopped in front of their place it looked like they had people over for the evening so I got in the car and drove home. As I sat at home thinking of the day I just could not avoid feeling sad and lonely. Having spent time thinking about Mary this morning, working with John whose wife is very very ill and then having memories flood my mind of time gone by when our family was younger, kids were at home, company came over and the whole world just seemed so much happier, so much more peaceful. Of course I know that much of that is not true. I know that Mary's husband Ken will grieve much but he will be OK, I know that John still has time to love and cherish Jeanette, I know that Cynthia and Mike were and are still having a great time with friends. Even with all of that and God's love and glory in it all I just could not help feeling lonely, sad and empty. So goes another day and I am sure as I go to church tomorrow and experience God's presence in a special way things will look up and joy will be there again. Often I wish I could avoid these times but I know I can not. I do believe there is good in them it just is difficult to see at times. I am thankful they don't come too often and when they do come it seems I can cope much better now than in the past.
I think I may take an early "out" for the evening and get some sleep.

The Last??????

2010-10-22T22:38:00.000-05:00

I went on the Greenway bike path for the first time today. The weather was great except it was very windy. I went as far as St. Louis Park and then decided that I could not answer a question. I could not figure out if the bike seat was breaking my butt or my butt was breaking in the seat!! With that unanswered question I turned around and headed home. With the wind making the work a bit harder my shoulder could feel the work out. All in all it was a good ride but a bit sad as well when I felt that it may well be the last outdoor ride of the year. We may luck out with some warm weather yet but when the temp does not get above 60 the rides are cool to say the least. Tomorrow's normal high is 54 so we are closing in on the last for us fair weather riders. Arrived home and after a hot bath sat on some ice for a while. Did it help, I am not sure.
Aaron sent touch up paint for the bike and a computer and will put that on tomorrow. I do not know if I can do this but I think I have ridden about 40 miles on the bike so far and it would be ice to set the computer on 40 miles. Travis said he expects me to put on 10's of thousands of miles so I should start at the right place.
I did forget about the work today for the sake of the ride. Well it is not accurate to say I forgot about it, I would be much more honest to say I just did no work today. I did figure the work can wait and the ride may not happen again for a long time so it was perfectly reasonable to ride and not work!!
As I sat alone tonight watching the baseball playoffs I did think that the house was unusually big, empty, quiet and as I looked around for sure kind of dusty too. I am sure I had a puzzled look on my face as I tried to figure out how one person can make so many messes, have so much dust and make the house so so so lived in! I then comforted myself by reminding me that I have actually made my bed daily for at least a week now. I think that is pretty great!
No after a windy ride it seems to be bed time.

Hanging In There

2010-10-22T00:20:00.000-05:00

This is a flower I saw on my walk with Wallace yesterday. I marveled that it was October 21 and still we have such beautiful flowers that have not fallen victim to our MN fall temps.
Our fall weather just goes on and on and on and it is such a blessing. Again today, Friday, our temps should hit in the 60's. I need to work but I think I HAVE to get in a bike ride. It may be the last of the fall.
I got more bags of leaves raked up today and they will go on the flowers when it gets colder.
Not a lot to say. Deer season is creeping up and with it the thought of field sunrises, fall beauty, maybe deer running around and for sure those sandwiches and candy bars that I enjoy while hunting. Sometimes I think the sunrises, the sun sets, the candy bars, the sandwiches are a lot more important than the deer. For sure I must get that deer stand more sturdy so I can climb up into it with my gun and my camera.
I think and I feel like it is bed time.

Happy Anniversary---4 times over!!!!!!

2010-10-20T23:48:00.000-05:00

Here are Cynthia/Mike almost a year after they were married. At this time there were no children, both were teaching at Trinity and life was great. Today they so enjoy Faustina and Jude, Cynthia is a stay at home mother and Mike is at a different job. Life changes so rapidly yet today they look as young, as happy and as great as they did 3 years ago.
I so remember 4 years ago today, the wedding at the Cathedral, the reception at the MN arboretum and all of the family and friends who were in town to celebrate our little girl's wedding. Gail was so excited to see her miracle and one and only daughter getting married and maybe, just maybe there would be the little girl arriving in the form of a granddaughter that Gail could rejoice in the same manner that she rejoiced when God blessed her with a daughter. I remember that I was stunned at the beauty that I saw when I walked Cynthia down the isle. The happiness and the sadness all melted into one big emotion as I tried to stroll so proudly with Cynthia at my side. As I approached the front of the church where Mike was waiting I could see out of the corner of my eye joy and tears in Gail's eyes as she watched her one and only daughter go from being mommy and daddy's little girl into the strong sure arms of this handsome man who Cynthia would promise to cherish and love for the rest of her life. It was a day of memories, of joy, of tears that was shared with so many many family and friends. Of course I am not the one to say but will say it anyway that the wedding and reception was one of a kind that would be impossible to duplicate. So today I sit here and with tears and sadness I rejoice without Gail but with the memories that God blessed us and Gail with that special daughter.
Cynthia and Mike---you are a great couple and your love of each other and of God is something that is for many others to want. I love you so much and mother is so proud of you and your family. Of course I too am proud of both of you but I want to remind you today that mother was so proud of the young lady that you grew to be.

Not yet completed

2010-10-18T19:21:00.001-05:00

Well it is not finished yet. I did not foresee the tall, slender and heavy stand well and I know it is a bit top heavy. I may have to shoot a really big deer early on opening day and then just lay it over one of the braces to weigh it down. NO What you see away from the tractor is the ladder up and the platform will go on the 4 boards 3 feet from the top. then 4X4 sheets of 1/4 " plywood will go around the top with 2X4's around the top to make it more sturdy and to lean on and shot that big buck. BUT before I venture on top there needs to be an X brace on two of the sides to make it more stable and then 4 more braces going out from the sides and staked to the ground. I will do that, which will take about 2-3 hr the day before hunting. Should be interesting to sit or stand that high above the ground. If nothing else I will be sure to take my camera to see if I can get some great pictures of the sunrise, sunset or maybe of the BIG buck that I missed!!!!
Got some more biking in this weekend and have decided that I need to read about the seat on my bike. I ended up with a sore behind and I kept sitting too far forward on the seat, I think. I will have to see. I did not fall off any more so that was good!! I did find out in a big way that I really really like the bike.
Also got some more time to sit, reflect, think and pray about the future. Sometimes I think I make life way to complicated.
I arrived home this afternoon. Went to get Wallace right away and he was so glad to see me. He has gotten more affectnate as he has gotten older and now when I leave him outside for a long period of time if I am not home he digs out under the fence and lays in the front yard waiting for me to return! Not sure that is good.
I think my agenda for the night is a hot bath, turn the TV on and fall asleep watching Monday night football. If If I go to bed early I know I will lay awake but the TV tends to put me to sleep fairly fast. Am I getting old, strange or just weird? I know, that last sentence is an invite for some smart comment from sister Helen.

A learning curve----YES

2010-10-17T10:13:00.000-05:00

I did find out that the new bike and the new shoes do have a learning curve!!! Later
Dale/Deb Binde were so good in helping me with the deer stand yesterday. I just had not thought through the stand enough to realize that something made of 4X4's and 2X6's is so heavy and then to have it only a bit more than 4 feet at the base and 16 feet tall---well it was a challenge to say the least. It took Deb, Dale, me and his trusty tractor and loader to get it in the air on a very windy day. It now stands in the north grassy area of their farm but I will need to go up a day early for hunting to put on more braces and more stakes. As it stands now I would not want to climb up and use it. It was fun to design, fun to build and fun to put up but there were some weak areas in all of my plans. Anyway I do plan to use it and we will see if it helps to get a deer. I suggested Dale make the bottom into a pen and put some salt in it but we decided not a good idea.
I arrived at Itasca State Park in the afternoon. It was a nice day but for sure a bit cool. By the time I figured out my shoes and how to get them on my feet but the shoes in the bike pedals too there was not much time left to ride but it was fun. Today I will spend doing some writing, some thinking and maybe some biking and then tomorrow on the way home perhaps more biking. It will take some time to get used to the bike as it rides so so different than my other one.
If you happen to be reading this today, Sunday, you have figured out that I decided to forgo the camping bit and get a hotel room. I maybe am getting soft in my mature age but the thought of warmth, of a bed and of a place to write with the computer just seemed so more inviting than sleeping in the back of the pickup.
No, it does look like a nice day so maybe just one more cup of coffee and then outside for a bit.

Short

2010-10-16T04:39:00.000-05:00

I spent most of yesterday building a deer stand. I should be able to put it up or take it down in about an hour. It was fun but now I will need to see if it works!! Maybe I should have built a cage on the bottom of it to catch the deer. That way I could take a nap if the day gets too long. I will be on the road shortly and hope I can stay awake. Hope to get to the Binde's by 9 or so.
Will not plan to blog for a few days as I will not come home until Monday.

An exciting and tiring day

2010-10-14T21:31:00.000-05:00

I drove to Madison today and Aaron turned over my new bike to me. We had the frame custom fit for me and Aaron ordered all the parts. Then he and his buddy Josh built it over the last two days. I am so excited to try it out. I do need to be careful as I also purchased biking shoes which attach to the pedals. I have never ridden with those and Aaron says there is a learning curve!! Last time someone told me there was a learning curve I found out the hard way so will see this time. I am hoping the curve doesn't lead me right into the ditch or down a steep hill where an old body like mine could get hurt.
My shoulder would be much better now but little sister Helen has no mercy and I am sure that is the reason it is not much better. That should make her feel a little badly!!! No, I am thinking I may not do the deer stand this weekend as the shoulder just does not want to do a whole lot. I will see tomorrow. I may must take off with my bike and try to do a bit of biking (limited at best) and then try to do some more thinking and writing like I did last spring. I think I need to make a decision tomorrow!!!

A remembance of the summer

2010-10-13T19:51:00.000-05:00

The rose bushes are a thing of the past for now but we still can enjoy them through these pictures. This rose bush was full of roses all summer and was so pretty.
I am having one of those days that one likes to forget. Went on a 2 mile run this morning and then decided to take a very short bike ride. As I turned into Cynthia's driveway I turned too sharp and me and the sidewalk meet up close and personal. Of course as one would expect I lost and the sidewalk was none the worse for the encounter. I came away with a bloody knee and a very sore shoulder. It got to the point this afternoon that I was a bit concerned so went into EC (ergent care) and they confirmed what I thought, a bad bruise but nothing broken. However it did make my day almost unless in terms of work. I was thankful for Cynthia who drove me to EC and then brought along dinner for me to eat while I waited to see the dr. As she waited she was able to access the internet on my new fancy phone and show a lady there one of her knitting projects. I would say that for sure now I am justified in getting the new phone!!!! :)
So I sit here tonight with ice on my shoulder, missing men's group and for some reason the house seems extra big, extra dark, extra empty at this time. I hate to admit it but as I sit here there is not a stream of tears but a little trickle of salty water running down my cheek, onto my chin and dripping on the TV tray that my computer sits on. As I glance at that little puddle of water it reminds me that there are times of joy, times of despair, times of gain, times of loss but always a time to thank our God for his goodness. For his love and goodness overcome much pain, much despair, much disappointment and much sadness.
I am thinking that if my shoulder is good enough tomorrow I will drive to Madison to pick up my bike and drive home. On Friday I may go up to the Bindes in the afternoon and take material for the deer stand. Then On Saturday and Sunday I will take time away to reflect. I did that in the spring and it was good. I will bring my thermorest, sleeping bag and covers in case I decide it is warm enough to sleep in the back of the pickup. If not I will bit the bullet and find a place where I can be alone a bit. I actually have thoughts about if I will be able to work on the deer stand as this shoulder is pretty sore. The dr did say tomorrow will be the worst and then it should get better. I suppose I could look on the bright side and say that I am now a "real" biker with road rash on my knee and a sore body!! Travis suggested this morning, jokingly, that I better get myself a spandex outfit and shave my legs. Well we will not go that far---the spandex maybe after I lose 10 more pounds.
Time for some more ice on that shoulder.

Fall colors have arrived in full!

2010-10-12T16:23:00.000-05:00

Fall colors are here. In fact in some places the leaves are already covering the ground. One must say colors because the fall temps certainly have not come yet. As I write it is 68 and we have yet to experience a killing frost.
Today has been just like the last many days. It is calm, warm, sunny and perfect for anything you might want to do outdoors.
I got an e-mail from Aaron and the bike is almost ready. The frame came and Aaron said the only problem is Amy likes it and wants it. Aaron and his friend will work on building it tonight and Aaron said it may be finished tonight. I was/am planning to go up to the Binde's to build a deer stand but will have to rething those plans. As of now I am not sure what I want to do. So many decisions and so little time to decide!!!!! It certainly would be nice to get some rides in before the cooler temps arrive which I do not know when that will happen. I am getting a little nervous as that bike becomes a reality I am thinking I may have to cave into the biking culture pressure and purchase some of those spandex kind of biking pants. Some of them look so tight that I think you could see a tiny pimple in the wrong place!! Kind of on the serious note I will look out of place on that fancy new bike wearing clothes that look like they came from Goodwill. On the other hand I can not really remember the last time I was concerned about what others thought of my clothes. Now if I was trim, fit and chiseled like a young man and those spandex would attract some pretty lady that may be a different story! But of course I am not fit, I am not trim, I am not chiseled (if you want to get real honest I am not young either) and there is no doubt that there will be no pretty ladies looking in my direction. I guess it is what it is and maybe I should start to live in the real world.
I have a camp meeting tonight. We will enjoy each other, eat out and sadly say good bye to Molly as a program director. That will mean that we lost Gail last year and now Molly is too busy with her work so will lose her as well. I am sure we need to add someone even though we received much help from many people last year. With that in mind it still is a good idea to have at least 1 more program director as we need many ideas.
I accomplished so much yesterday but not much today. I did enjoy a nice lunch with Lizzia who used to live next door to us and is such a good family friend. She and Gail were so dear to each other.
I should try to get some things done before dark.

It worked

2010-10-11T19:52:00.000-05:00

For the first time in many many tries I was able to down load a picture just like the good old days. That is great.
I think this may be the longest I have gone without blogging for a time or maybe since I started. It helps that I can now down load pictures again. I do not know why it would not work in the past.
This is a picture taken at the Gopher football game over 2 weeks ago when Travis and I went. The new stadium is really nice, the team is just not fun to watch. The highlight of the game was the pre-game and the half time show.
I have been biking a bit, not enough but some. I have also begun to run a little. I do not know if I will keep that up but I did purchase some running shoes and will give it a try. I did a 2.2 mile run/walk this morning and it was pretty slow. I am sure I can improve on it but will see. I do continue to lose some weight. I now am down to the weight I was at in the mid 80's. I have been at a stand still for about a week now but it seems to go in spurts so maybe I can head down a bit more soon. It is fun to be at a better weight.
I am hoping to get away for a few days later this week. Have not made any final plans as I want to wait and see what the weather is like. I am trying to get some work done around the house and the yard. Today I did get some flowers cleaned up, the tomatoes taken care of, some leaves bagged and then I ran some errands to return some things which I am awful at. I sometimes leave those darn returns until it is too late and then what is one to do.
It is Audrey's birthday Wednesday. I toyed with the idea of driving down but I know John is so so busy and to drive 500+ miles one way right now just was not in the cards. I sure am lonesome for the family and miss them so much. I know that I will see how fast they grow when I see them again. I did go down in August but now that is almost 2 months ago. Time does go so so fast.
I have been thinking much lately. That is one of the reasons I would like to get away for a few days. Last spring I went by myself for a long weekend and it was good. I am not sure I would do the same kind of thing but some how getting away, thinking, praying and just being seems to be very very good once in a while.
The past few days I have begun to do maybe round 3 of sorting, recycling, throwing etc. I think I must have put those darn emotions on ice last winter as I do not remember being too emotional as I did so many things but this time around it is not as often but still sad and teary.
Aaron may have gotten my bike frame today. Waterford said it may be finished today. He has all the components so when the frame is finished it will not take too long to build it and then get it!!! I can not believe that I am so excited over a bike. Way way back on the farm we had a little bike and a big bike and that was it. I am sure they were 1 speeds but they seemed to work fine. I remember it being so fun when I could ride up to the lake and back and never use my hands. The little joys of growing up. In the last many weeks I have been thinking a lot of growing up. It seems that it may be a good idea to put some of the stories down for history now when I can remember and I think the memory is still pretty good!!
One story that I think of often especially now as the cold weather seems just around the corner. We did not have a furnace in our house but it was heated by a kerosene burner in the living room. For much of the time Dad did not have a tank by the house but rather we got the fuel in 55 gallon drums and they were in the old run down granary. Well every day Dave or I had to go outside, pump kerosene into a 5 gallon can and then carry it into the house and pour it into the back of the stove. As I think about it now the house must have had a very strong oder of kerosene as I am sure we must have spilled sometimes. I can not remember if the stove ever ran out before we filled it up but I do know it was not one of my favorite jobs. And then for all of our work in keeping the stove full Dad never did put a register in the ceiling so there was NO heat upstairs. The cold cold bedroom will be another story at another day.
The Vikings are on Monday night TV so will have the TV on and while I do some things will watch it from time to time. I have not gotten into the Vikings much so far this year. I guess for that matter was not into the Twins in a big way either. It may be getting older or it may be losing Gail but some how those sports events have lost much of their appeal as I would rather do other things.
Enough for now.

Good Morning

2010-10-06T09:54:00.000-05:00

Here is a howdy bunch of bails from Prince Edward Island. I think I challenged Dale B to come up with something better last year but he declined!!!

I continue to have problems with my internet. I go wireless but some how it is not working. I am now plugged in!!

It looks like another wonderful day. I have several things planned for the day. Need to run around a bit to get some errands completed and then work in the garage. This evening will be taken up with a wake of a friend who passed away Monday. Each time I attend a wake or a funeral the emotions come out for a period of time but also with each passing month and event they become less and less difficult to deal with. Here I am almost 13 months after Gail's death and the emotions are so much better but yet still at times they are raw, on the surface and very real.

This will be short as I will get some things done today before I head to Prescott for the evening.

A Time of Grace

2010-10-03T22:57:00.000-05:00

Once again I am frustrated with adding a photo. I may have to get Mike A over here to see if I am doing something wrong.
It was an uneventful weekend. It was great to have family over this morning for breakfast. We have not done much of that since we lost Gail and for sure not since John/Mary moved. It is so so different now. Not bad, not sad just so different. But as I have said so often life marches on and changes each day. One can adapt and move on or one can stay in neutral and feel badly.
I took a rose to Gail's grave site a few days ago and then I brought one in this weekend and I would say they are finished for the season. So many beautiful and frangant roses have come out of the back yard this year. I am sad to see the end come but so pleased that I and so many others were able to enjoy them.
We had our first frost last night. Not a deep one but for sure a frost. I could see my foot prints in the lawn as I walked to the car this morning.
This may be a sign of middle age-----but I am looking forward to tomorrow morning when there will be no alarm to signal the end of my sleep. I tend to not sleep late but too I have begun to look forward to some mornings where I may be able to turn over and catch some additional zzzs for a while.
Enough as I did take something to get me to sleep so best try to get down for the night.
I hope and pray that this first full week of October will be filled with wonder, awe, work and excitement for all.

Still having trouble

2010-10-02T00:14:00.001-05:00

I am still having difficulties downloading pictures on the blog as they changed some things. I was able to download this, one of my very favorite pictures. It was taken in Prince Edward Island and I noticed this bike as Gail and I were walking along. For some reason it gives me a sense of real life and what it should be all about.
I have found it difficult to blog in the last few weeks. I am not sure why. I have been busy. I have built steps to the garage from the deck, have fixed the back door and have almost ALL of the storm windows on with CLEAN windows. The last time the windows were washed was the spring of 2008 so it has been a long long time. I finished in parts of two days and the job was not bad. In fact I kind of got into it and felt like I can do this and it could almost be fun. You will notice I said almost.
Most or all now know that I am embarking on year two of life without Gail. I have thought a lot about what I have gone through and what I have learned over these last many months. Here are some thoughts.

I now know myself much better than I ever did in the past.
I have found that to my big surprise I love to be with people. At one time I thought I could be a good hermit who would play father and grandpa while working in my wood shop but I have found that to be alone too much is very empty.
I have found that grieving is a life changing process.
There is no turning the clock back. If I ever thought that time could stand still or things could remain constant I have found that it is not possible. Life changes daily and one can not stop it from happening.
In difficult times one finds solace in God and strength in friends.
One can decide to be sad or be happy. In a given day a person may have no power to say which one you are but over time a person has the ability to be one or the other.
God is all important and family is close behind.
A person must make decisons daily and sometimes they can be right and sometimes they can be wrong but which ever they are YOU must make them and then YOU must live with them.
Nobody has the corner on truth or right, not even self.
I have become more tolerance and less judgemental.
I will always have a heart for people who have lost loved ones.
I will always have a heart for people who have lost someone to breast cancer.
As much as I desire to have a cure for breast cancer found I will never give a dime to the pink cancer program that advertises so much and does so much fund raising. This is a personal decision which I can explain only in person and not on paper.
The work of keeping up a home alone is almost overwhelming.
To live alone can be very difficult, to live lonely is a decision.
It is better to have loved and lost then never loved at all. (not my words)
A person can not avoid the race of life but it is up to each person whether they win or lose.
I have seen many times the saying about do not judge me until you have walked in my shoes. I now know that it is very very true.
One can no more keep life the same day after day than one could preserve an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. To hold on to life today as if it were yesterday is an impossible dream.
If someone would have sat next to me on September 15, 2009 and tried to explain how difficult my next months would be I would have not believed them. Would I trade this last year for anything, no. That is because it would have meant never knowing Gail and that would have been the worst.
Never in my life have I loved and appreciated family more than in the last 19 months. I would say that to have a loving and supporting family is a daily mountain top experience.
I have often asked myself what would I change over the last many years if I could change anything. I have come to believe that I would have loved Gail more. Did I love her? I tried to love her with my whole heart but I would liked to have had a larger heart.

In the last many months I have experienced much, changed much and accomplished much yet life moves on in a whirlwind of events and activities. I have made many many decisions during this time. Some have been easy and not so important and some have been difficult and very important. Some have taken hardly a nanosecond to make and some have taken months to form and understand. If I were to explain them this blog would become a book which would be boring, long and not important but I will share one here which was long in coming and difficult to make. I understand that I may live the rest of my life as a single guy who loved and lost his loved one but who still decided to live life to the fullest in the best way he could. But given that very real possibility I have decided that I will be open to a different life if God wants that. I would be open to entering into a new relationship, one that would could make my life more complicated, more involved and perhaps more meaning full. Will that happen? I have no idea and I certainly am not worried about it. If it happens I will be fine and if it does not happen I will be fine. I have come to believe that when a person opens their heart up to change it is not possible to imagine what God might do but whatever it is be ready and be engaged. I realize that when I am older I may look like the bike in the picture above but it is also possible that I may be like the bike I am excited to get this month which will be new, exciting and somewhat on the edge.

Monday

2010-09-27T20:20:00.000-05:00

I still am having trouble uploading pictures as it appears the blog has changed something so no pictures.
Today was a perfect fall day. About 70, still, sunny and just perfect. The trees are changing fast and I am guessing that late this week or early next week we will see peek colors.
I was lucky enough to get a bike ride in yesterday. Rode up and down the Mississippi River, down to Harriet Island and also to the cemetery. I think the ride was about 17 miles and it was so so good to get on the bike again and be in the fresh air. Even though it was mid 60's as one rode in the shade the air was cool. Not too many days left like that. I still would like to get down to the Cannon River Trail when the colors are out. I don't know if that will happen but will try to make it happen.
Aaron sent a note today saying my bike frame may be finished by October 11 and it may be ready to ride a week later. No promises but maybe!!
There is not much new on the home front. I don't know if I mentioned that I did get new steps from the deck to the garage finished and today I started working on the back door. I need to repair it and then put a door knob on it. Maybe will get done this week as I need to fill holes and then cut holes!!
I also started a tiny bit in the garage and in the yard. This fall, 2010, is much different than last fall. I am so thankful that so much is behind me.
For some reason I am tired tonight so will sign off for now.

A Windy Day

2010-09-24T14:54:00.000-05:00

For some reason this blog changed the picture thing so I am having problems loading them. Will go without for today.
Today is an interesting weather day. Chilly, windy and very cool. Not a good bike riding day for sure so here is another day without a ride. I need one soon.

I am catching up on a few things at home. Made a trip to the insurance place and made arrangements to get a crack in the truck window fixed. That had needed to be done for a long time. I purchased a new land line phone yesterday so unpacked that and have it plugged in. I only had one phone that was working and I need three I think. One for downstairs, one up upstairs and one for the garage. I also called Verizon as I received a very bad text message yesterday. Never had that happen in the past and was upset as there is no place for junk like that text was. They were little help but I did want them to know that kind of thing should not be happening.
Don F came over for lunch and that was nice. Still have tomatoes so bacon and tomato sandwiches was on the menu.
I wanted to get a haircut but that did not work out.
It is hard to believe that we are now in the last Friday of September. Of course one could ask where the month went but that makes me sound like an old person I think. Of course the time always seems to fly by and the seasons come and go without pause. I have found that as I become a more mature person I desire less and less to pause as that means I may miss out on something important.
It seems I have had little of importance to write about in these last days but maybe that is a good thing. I guess time will tell.

Who??

2010-09-21T18:40:00.000-05:00

The first person who guesses who this is and with their guess sends me their name and address will get a package from me!!

A rather normal slow peaceful day. Not much to say. Slept until 6: 15 or so, had a nice time with Larry B this afternoon, Cynthia came over twice which was nice, and I did get some things picked up, thrown and recycled again. Every little bit helps.

Travis and I had a great time last night at the Twins game. Some friends have a suite and they invited us to join them. I am pretty upset as I NEVER want to go as a common folk to a game again. Oh my gosh the view was great, the place was like home and the game was fun. Can't get any better than what we had last night and on top of that the Twins won and are now only 2 games away from winning the division crown.

Another wonderful day of weather. We had .4 inches of rain last night but the day was perfect. This fall weather just can not be beat. Good for fun, good for work and good for whatever a person wants to do. Speaking of that in the next few weeks it is window time as those old screen need to come down and those old storms need to be put on. Maybe tomorrow it will be time to get the AC units out of the windows which would be nice. I can do that alone as they are not all that heavy.

The kids had half a cow and a pig delivered here today. No no it was all dead-cut-wrapped for the freezer! All of it just barely fit into the freezer. A fourth of it is gone already and will have to get some more out in the next day or so.

No, that is it for the day. A little more work to be done before the Twins are on TV.

A time of change

2010-09-19T21:00:00.000-05:00

I think I did a grandpa Lee today. I put my camera in the car and headed out for the purpose of taking some pictures. As you can see the pictures tell a story. I really like the little birdie one. We are in a changing season. The chilly temps in the morning tell us something and the colors tell us the same story. Summer is ending and fall/winter is around the corner. And I would say we are turning that corner NOW. We are certainly a ways away from the peak colors that God gives us to enjoy but the signs are all around us. The day was a weather picture perfect kind of day. Sunny, not much breeze and warm but not hot temps. I am hoping that most people were able to enjoy a walk, a lazy time sitting in the sun or a pleasurably bike ride. If a person missed it today, well you will not find a better day anytime soon, or maybe never.

I did spend some time outside and inside. There is this never ending tale in my house. Papers out of place, clothes not put away, dust on the bookcase top, dishes in the sink, bed in need of making and that is just a start!! So I did spend some time picking, wiping, putting, cleaning and things like that. It always makes me have a better outlook on life when I finish things but why should I have to do it so often??? A novel thought: Maybe I should ALWAYS pick up after myself as I go. Should I give it a try?

Once again I am telling myself that I should go to bed early. Will it happen, I do not know but for sure it can't if I don't try so here goes.

A Beginning

2010-09-17T21:26:00.000-05:00

I started on a house project today. It has been so so long since I did something like that. It felt good and even if I did not get very far on it the beginning was wonderful. I have had temperary steps from the deck to the garage for a long time and even at that they were rotted and broken. I took them out today and am ready to put in new ones this weekend. After that it is wood shop time, time for a new door knob on the back door and my oh my this old house may start to look like it is alive again. And at the same time I may start to look that way!!

I made 4 trips to a lumber yard today looking, figuring and deciding how to do those steps. Gail thought I ran too many errands and was gone too much and maybe she was right. Better planning, I don't know what the answer is but I should try to change a bit.

My new motto is one day at a time and I have tried to practice it the last two days, Well two days is better than none at all and I will try to continue my success again tomorrow. Maybe and hopefully I could be getting oh so close to normal. I think people who know me may be in shock.

I am going to bed early tonight as there is a 7:00 AM meeting at my house tomorrow.

Back to normal???

2010-09-16T23:13:00.000-05:00

No picture today.
My day seemed like back to normal time. The men who meet for medatitions met for the first time in about 6 weeks or so. It was really good to be back together and share, pray and do the scripture.

I took care of Faustina and Adrick for about 3 1/2 hr this morning as Cynthia took Jude for a check up on his kidney. It seems like things are OK, thank you Lord.

I did get a 16+ mile ride in today which was nice. The air certainly has a bit of chill in it now as we are now on the down side of September. I rode with a group and as I looked at myself I may have to break down and get some gear that is intended for cycling. One of the gals thought she may have to take me shopping tomorrow, how bad is that?? Of course she was only joking but I think I got the point. I have fought and fought against the idea of spandex clothes but I may have to cave in. On the other hand maybe I can hold out until next season and then I will be down to my desired weight. Maybe new clothes are in order when the new bike comes???

I have nothing planned for tomorrow so maybe it is time to get some work in around here. I think the weather should be nice. Maybe wood shop here I come.

A nice time but kind of empty

2010-09-15T05:53:00.000-05:00

Travis, Cynthia, Mike, Faustina, Jude and I had a nice time last night. We had a fire at Travis' place and ate pie iron sandwiches just like Gail would have liked. I do wish I could have been with Henry, Liam, Leo, Audrey and Ruby Gail too in the top picture but another time that can happen.

I will summarize yesterday and then will move on. I did watch the sun rise as I sat on the monumnet yesterday morning. It was quiet, lonely, peaceful and spiritual all in one package. As I did that I sipped my Americano and Baileys at the same time. Can't get any better than that, right?? From there I spent a couple of hours with Ernie R which was good. When I got home I realized that I had forgotten to bring a rose to Gail so I did that. Wallace had his hair appt after that so I dropped him off and then I was lucky enough to have Cynthia, Jude and Faustina here for a time. From that I did go to Travis' and got home from that about 8. The day started out with many tears on the way to Resurrection but after that my emotions seemed to be so much better. I would say that the happy memories far out weighed the sadness

In the next week or so I am going to change my direction on the blog. I am not sure what direction it will take but I have found that I enjoy writing but at the same time some how, some way I need to move on with my life and I do not know what. I guess like God provided with food from heaven each day and if it was collected for the next day it would spoil. Well that may be the story of me for a while now, one day at a time and do not try to look ahead. So goes the blog as well for now too.

It sounds like the rain and storm have stopped so I may try to get some more shut eye.

SEPTEMBER 14, 2009

2010-09-14T00:12:00.001-05:00

One of my all time favorite pictures of Gail. I feel that the picture captures her grace, her charm, her love, her beauty, her determination and most of all that famous smile that just never seemed to fade.

Below is what was written in the blog a year ago today.

"Legends of angels opened heavenly gates and welcomed Gail at 12:40 PM today. We cry and despair for our earthly life will change forever but we rejoice for our dear sister, mother, wife, daughter and friend is forever with our Lord and I know He has BIG plans for her."

I need say not much more today. I plan to greet the day as the sun comes up by sitting on the monument and thanking the Lord for the honor and privilege of being married to Gail for 41+ years, for having all the happy memories she provided for me, the children and many many others, for her unwavering service to God and all of his creation and most of all for her care and love of me and all our family. I am sure it will be a sad day, a day of many tears but yet I am hopeful it can be a day of happy memories, of fun stories and of thankfulness for how good God has been to me and family. My life is so so changed and I know the lives of the children are so different too because we lost our Gail. But we do believe in eternal life and at some time we will all be together again and what a joyous occasion that will be. As we mark time and wait for that to happen we must and we will live on with new things, new dreams and a life that needs to be full of love of God and love for each other.

Travis, Cynthia, Mike, Faustina, Jude and I will meet at Travis' place late afternoon and sit around an outdoor fire, sharing, laughing, crying and having pie iron treats (The Lees call them Tonka toasts). It is an outdoor food that is easy, fun and certainly one of Gail's favorites.

I did have a fun time yesterday. As I have ridden bike this summer I have mostly ridden solo, early in the morning and that has been good but last night I rode with a group of eleven riders. It was a different experience but fun and that may be something I consider next spring. This fall the biking season is not over but is beginning to draw to a close as the mornings are a bit chilly and likewise so are the evenings. I am hopeful that my road bike may be ready so that I can get a few miles on it before cold weather but we will see. If it is not next spring will be fine. Anyway biking has become a fun thing for me and it has also been a way to get in needed exercise and lose some weigh so it is a win-win situation.

Blindsided, should I be surprised?

2010-09-13T10:40:00.000-05:00

As I sit at my computer this morning I have had the tissue box near all morning, in the car and now as I sit. Once again, it has not been uncommon, I have been blindsided by the raw and unending emotion of the moment, of the day and of this last week. As I drove towards Inver Grove Honda today for an oil change the tissue box slowly went down in numbers and the pile of damp and dirty tissue slowly piled up on the unoccupped seat next to me. Was I surprised, yes. Should I have been surprised, perhaps not but then I have found in these days, weeks and months past that this process of letting go of a loved one is unpredictable, unreasonable and full of surprises. I don't think I could count the number of times I have said to myself and maybe on this blog as well that I am better, I am ready to move on to a new chapter in my life and of course each time I say that I fall, stumble and humbly raise myself up from the turf and move on knowing that my judgement was incorrect.
Here is a summary of what I wrote September 13, 2009.

"It was a difficult night. Accidents, restlessness, and more. The kids cared for their mother so lovingly as I tried to get some much needed sleep. There was a trip to the store for diapers and then the decision that the hospice nurse needed to come and put a catheter in for Gail. Later in the day Gail wanted to sit up (it was the last time she did that) and as I put my arm around her and hugged her as much as I could I detected a smile which is permanently in my mind. It has now been several days since Gail had eaten or drank and we knew that even though God was so present he would soon enter our front door and whisk Gail into eternal life with him and for sure many many lives would never be the same."

I have resigned myself to not doing much today or tomorrow. My mind is restless, my body seems tired and I guess in many many ways I am embracing myself for the last of the "FIRSTS" in this journey I am on. At the risk of sounding stupid I am once again going to say that I feel I may be ready to move on to the new chapter of my life after tomorrow. Almost like a soldier going to battle with his helmet, his rifle and other needed things I may be ready to move on with memories of Gail tucked into my small mind and with a new and different approach to life. No longer am I the swaggering 18 year old leaving home and going off to college with dreams, expectations and unlimited hope. For now I am the 63 year old man who is trying to find his way to a new life with hope, some dreams but a realism that blankets all. I trust that God is loving, he is good and he will let me know all the whens, ifs and wheres as I need them.

A different time----God's plan is ever evolving

2010-09-12T20:41:00.000-05:00

Here are Gail and I doing parking lot work for the first time during the State Fair of 2007. Gail was in her element, outdoors and doing something with me. As you can see I was also enjoying it very much.

Here is a summary of my blog of September 12, 2009
"It was a peaceful night for Gail. She woke up twice but went right back to sleep after more meds. I slept in a chair by her bed as the night before she had fallen out of bed and I did not want to put the rails up. It seemed like the rails were so confining so sleeping by the bed was a better option. Aaron arrived back from Madison so all the kids were there. If you would have had the honor of watching them love their mother you could not have known who was a son or daughter by birth and who by marriage. The togetherness of family was wonderful."

I was gone most of the day. Was able to have lunch with a friend which was very nice. In my new eating habits I ordered a chicken harvest salad which was very delicious, burgers are out for now!! Some who know me would be astonished that a dinosaur like me could so change. Now if Gail's potato salad would have been on the menu I would not have passed that up. Anyway I was able to have my salad and satisfy my thirst with a Surly Beer which is always good.

Not much more to say. My big thing tomorrow will be to arrive at Inver Groove Honda by 7:00 AM for the first oil change on the car. It is hard for people like me to change from the mind set that cars need an oil change each 3000 miles but these new ones have this device which says when to change oil and for my car the first oil change will come at 7100 miles. I did ask if that was correct and they said yes so will go with it.

I continue to reflect on how much life can and has changed in the last 18 months or so. It makes one really happy that one can not see into the future as it would at times be hard to face.

I did not ride bike today but will get on the bike again tomorrow and put more miles on. My weight goal is to lose 5 more pounds by the end of the month. We will see what happens. Eating less and working and exercising more should do the trick.

Being the world's worst speller I wonder if anyone has the problem I do. Sometimes I an so far off spell check can not even come up with the right word.!! Yesterday it took me 10 minutes or more to spell the word scheme. I can not remember what I tried a hundred times but I must have been way way off.

I did it and am out of gas

2010-09-11T15:07:00.000-05:00

Here is Travis maybe in 1989 or so after a 80 mile race and he looks much much better than I did today after a non-race 31 mile ride. It was fun but after about the 22 mile I was totally gassed and remained that way to the end. The wind, gusts up to 25 mph, just wasted me big time. It was fun meeting some new riders from the cycling club. Roger, maybe 70+ or so, was a stronger rider than I and I really enjoyed getting to know him a bit. At one time, maybe 30 years ago, he went on a 200+ ride in one day. Don't think I will go there any time soon. Really I found out, actually I already knew, that I am not in biking shape and I need to lose more weight.

I went back to my blog of September 11, 2009 and read it. Gail had her last liquid this morning. We turned off all phones and covered the door bell as it bothered her. She wrote her last note on that day which I still have. She wrote, "In the long scheme of things, where am I?" Of course I could not say what I saw but rather I remember saying, "Honey, you will be just fine." Now that is true because in a couple of days she met our Lord which meant she was very fine.

I must have been hurting as I wrote several questions like IF Gail dies, can I be happy? and CAN I be strong enough without my Gail? The answers to those 12 months later is "in time but not for a while" and I do not think I can be strong enough without Gail.

I think I will need to put something in the tub and soak for a while. I do hurt in places not to mention. I think the warm water will feel good. No riding tomorrow.

I think that is enough for today. I am not sure what should come first, a bath or a nap.

September 10, Friday

2010-09-10T08:11:00.001-05:00

I once again went back a year, September 10, 2009 and read my blog. I said Gail ate some food the the Winds brought over and that may have been the last food she ate. She actually had some warmth in her feet, the first in a long time and she was resting comfortablly. She had several vistors and that had really tired her out.
Why did I put a picture of Cynthia holding the victory trophy? Because a year ago Gail was in the home stretch of the great race and in the end she WON, she finished and she got first place, eternal life with our Lord. I would have given anything if she had not finished the race but she did, she was splendid and so many people were forever touched by her courage, her faith and her love of God. I certainly could not have asked for any more in my life than someone who was so special to me and hundreds of others. Well I did ask for more time but it was not to be.
I will travel to Freeport MN this morning to attend the funeral of a friend's mother. She had been failing for some time and I am sure in many ways her passing from this life is a blessing but I know from experience that losing a parent is never easy so I will travel this morning to support Mark in any way I can. Freeport is the town we used to stop in so that Gail could buy fresh flour to make bread.
I need to do some things before I leave in a short while so will sign off.

Promises Promises Promises

2010-09-09T08:19:00.000-05:00

Gail and I on December 30, 1968. We had been married June 1st of that year so we were so excited to celebrate her birthday for the first time as a couple and we already had enjoyed our first Christmas together. As you can see she still was wearing those head bands that melted my heart and made it flutter in such a way that I thought I might die on the spot. We were not able to enjoy a honeymoon after our wedding but really I think in our relationship we had at least a 6 year honeymoon. Then it ended and there was much work to be done for us to survive. We did work hard and the result was a wonderful 41 years of marriage. Will not go into the details of the hard work we did but it is enough to say that perhaps all couples go though a time like that and it is NO fun but the results more than make up for the pain and work.
As September 14 draws closer I find myself making promises and then not keeping them. A few days ago I went back to read the blog which was written in the last days of Gail's life. It was too high drama for me, tears and emotions were so raw, I promised myself I could not and would not go there for now. BUT I seem to be drawn there each morning to read, cry and reflect. I read each day and then sit and cry as I recall almost minute by minute that day. I really do not want to do that but I am drawn there each day. Why? I don't know but perhaps I need some closure that I was not aware of. That must be it because I do not enjoy the emotion that flows so freely and the tears that contunualy wet my face and blur my eyes.
I also promised myself that I would get into the work around my house. Well here it is Thursday morning @ 8:00 AM and I sit, weep and reflect as the work seems to almost snear at me from the yard or the garage or the wood shop.
This morning I have thought of and prayed for all the kids, John, Mary, Travis, Aaron, Amy, Cynthia and Mike. Then of course there are Henry, Liam, Leo, Faustina, Audrey, Jude and Ruby Gail. As I deal with the loss of my Gail and all she meant to me they too deal with the loss of their mother or grandmother. I know it is all part of life, all part of being a whole person, one who loves, works, wins, loses and deals with happy times in the same breath that one deals with sad and difficult times. I often tend to want to be alone or isolate myself at times yet I know with all my heart that we need God and family to go on living in the face of devastation. Of course God is the most important but his love, his grace and his protection usually takes the shape of a daughter, a son or a friend. As all of those have been Christ to me I am so humbled, so thankful yet still so wounded by the loss of Gail. Time helps but the going has been slow. Kind of like the saying, God grant me patience but please hurry.
Believe it or not I do have plans for the day. I will work most of the morning cleaning out the pick up, the car and putting things away. Oh yes there will be dishes and things like that as well. Then this afternoon the lawn needs to be mowed, the yard needs much work and maybe, just maybe some time in the wood shop later.
One can tell that fall is close at hand. Yesterday morning the temp was at 44 and this morning at 51. Those are nice but if you go for a bike ride or do something outside there certainly is a chill in the air.
No, I feel that I am finished reflecting and thinking for the day, it is now on to some work and getting hand dirty.

The guys were a no show

2010-09-08T18:27:00.000-05:00

OK now for the what is that???? A planned 45 mile bike trip today ended up with me and 4 ladies! That was not my plan. Some did not show for whatever reason so I guess the gals felt I was good for at least taking pictures. The ride was really nice. The weather was perfect, not too hot and not too cool. I do think that some how, some way I may have to do that same ride with the fall colors in their full splendor as the view on that bike trail is awesome. The picture is taken on the veranda at the St. James Hotel where the food was very good and the seating was pleasant. I am not sure 45 miles was the best idea but riding at a slow pace, 12-14 MPH was OK and all of my body parts feel like they still are functioning.

The men's group will be here in a short time so I need to make some popcorn. My house remains a mess from the last few weeks of coming and going but really doing nothing in the house. I also noticed as I drove into the driveway the grass needs to be cut. I don't understand why those things can just not grow or whatever when a person is so busy. Perhaps I should think about actually doing some work tomorrow, what a novel idea that is. I do know that when my house is picked up I feel better about myself and the world so tomorrow it is "get in gear" day----maybe.

I continue to look back at this time last year and the memories are so vivid it almost seems like my life is flashing before my eyes and mind. The thing I keep remembering is that Gail looked so good and her eyes were so beautiful and clear there was certainly an angelic appearance about her face. At this time her smiles were more difficult to come by but when they did they were so real and so full of love. Oh my, my emotions this last week or two have been close to the surface most of the time.

No, that popcorn is needing to be popped.

So be it

2010-09-07T14:29:00.001-05:00

Here are 2 of grandpa's 3 little granddaughters. Audrey on the left and Faustina on the right. They, along with Ruby Gail are so cute. Of course they are not any more special than those little grandsons, just cute in an entirely different way.

Cynthia and I made it. 12 days and 145 hours later we are no longer employed by the Minnesota State Fair and now our task is to catch up on our sleep. On the way home this morning I stopped by one of my favorite cafes, Keys. It is kind of a down home, greasy spoon place that has good food and HUGE amounts. I purchased a paper, sat down and ordered a spinach omelet. When it came I could not see the plate and I thought this will be my food for all day. Well little did I realize I am now on a different wave length in my eating and the omelet was not even very good. I ate a fourth of it and left the rest. No more Keys Cafe for me, too much food, too greasy and just not my style anymore. I would have saved money and enjoyed it more if I had driven a block farther and ordered a senior coffee with a burrito but live and learn I guess.

I arrived home and did my thing of taking care of Wallace, jumping in the tub and then looking at anything that may be on e-mail. Cynthia stopped by and by the time it was bed time I could sleep a tiny bit so it will be early to bed today and a good night's sleep in my own bed. I will need it as I plan to go on a 40 mile bike ride tomorrow with 5 other people. Should be fun but hope the weather is nice. I am so tuned in to taking sharp corners in the parking lot not sure I will know how to ride on a straight path any more. During the fair I was able to put on 125 miles by riding in the lot but of course that was all turns, flat and round and round. I am excited to get out in the open air again and see what God's play ground looks and smells like again. Speaking of biking I have gotten all the info to Aaron for a new road bike so that may be ordered today. I think there is about a 4-5 week turn around at Waterford bikes where the frame will be made so I do not plan to ride it until next year. After the frame comes the components need to be put on and other things have to be added to make it a real bike. Kind of hard to ride only a frame!!!!

As I sit here and write I think I may be getting tired! Time to go and see if I need a nap. Really I should go outside and get some work done but may be able to do some of that later in the day.

I have spent some time today going back and reading the blog of a year ago. Oh my I can not really do much of that. Too many memories, too many heart aches, too much pain. so much has happened in the last year that a year ago seems like eternity. The changes, the new life, the pain and agony of going through life day by day is sobering yet I can see so much of God's love and grace. I do not know if it is good for me to go back there now. I think not. Maybe in the future it will be OK.

Very short

2010-09-06T17:29:00.000-05:00

Oh my I can hardly wait until tomorrow AM One last night and this one will be 14 hours, from 6:00 PM this afternoon until 8:00 AM tomorrow. I am not sure what I will do to celebrate tomorrow but I do know that I will need to catch up on some sleep. Last night was difficult. I walked, rode bike, watched a movie and still had a hard time keeping those eyes open. I did manage to not sleep but if you have ever been in a situation where you nod our head, blink your eyes and try your best to not sleep that was where I was at much of the night last night and this morning.

I think I will spend some time tomorrow making making a list and checking it twice to see what I may be doing over the next days, weeks and months. It is hard to believe that we are now about 25% into September and fall is really in the air at times. I have given up on my idea of a road trip vacation but not sure if I will replace it with something or just say it is not to be this year and start to think about next year.

I am still digesting saying good bye to Gail, giving my blessing on John/Mary's move and all that involves. I so miss all of John's family. Mary has become like a daughter to me, John is of course special because of who he is and those little guys and Audrey are missed so much. Family has changed so much in the last 12 months I almost hurt just to think about it but I also know that when a person tries to keep in God's will and follow his plan then his grace is also enough to carry one through difficilt times. Such is the case with me but the changes are almost too much. I am so thankful for Travis, Cynthia/Mike and little Faustina and Jude. Aaron/Amy of course remain in Madison and at times that seems OK and at times they seem so far away. I know they could be much much farther away BUT.

No I am about 10 min away from my last drive to the fair lot so got to go.

Count Down

2010-09-05T17:00:00.000-05:00

The count down is on for the end of the fair work. Tonight and tomorrow and it is history. The weather has been so nice the last few days so that is a blessing.

Not much to say. I just continue to exsiet for these last few days. I suppose I should start to think of what I will start to do when Tuesday comes but have not gone there yet. It is not as if there is a shortage of work or projects but rather a matter of what comes first, second etc.

Cynthia will be here in about 30 min or so and have some more things to do so will sign off.

Kind of short

2010-09-04T17:14:00.000-05:00

My day is cut a bit short as I took in David Wind's wedding this afternoon. I just returned from up town to get a couple of things to eat for tonight in the lot.
There is not much new as I just continue to count down on this state fair work. We now only have 3 nights left and we will be home free. Last night it was down to 48 so there was a chill in the air big time and I stayed in the warm pick up for some of the early morning hours. I did get in 10 miles on my bike but too chilly for any more.

I did take in the fair for a few hours. Not the ideal thing to go solo at the fair but it was not bad either. The last time I was there was in 2008 with Gail, Henry and Liam. I enjoyed the memory time but of course there were tears too. I think I could remember each of the things we did like go on the Ferris wheel, eat french fries, have some special ice cream, Henry and I went on the sky ride, went through the old train in heritage square, listened as they started up some old tractors and I am sure there were other things too.

Enough, I need to get some things done before we go to work.

2/3 finished!!!!!!!

2010-09-03T12:09:00.000-05:00

No picture, just a mention that we are now 2/3 finished with the fair work. Really it is not the worst in the world but I will be so happy when Tuesday morning comes and I have slept for a while and then be able to say, "It is done for the year." Will I do it next year, I do not know but time will tell.

We are having a bit of early fall cool weather. It actually feels good but I think it is too cool for early September. At noon it reads 56 with a biting wind. Last night the parking lot was chilly so did not ride bike. Cynthia did ride for about 45 min she said and she warmed up that way but me, I walked back and forth in the lot for about an hour. I am sure it will be cooler tonight as the projected low is 49, wow.

I am going to venture to the fair this afternoon. Will use one or two of my tickets for free sweet corn on a stick. The guy gave me 19 which many will not be used. Other than that I will have to get a bucket of fries. Well maybe not a bucket as the "lonely guy" can not eat that much. It certainly will be different going alone and I am sure not the most fun but will try it and see how it is. This may be a test run to see if I like to do things alone or if I need to find people to go with. At this point I hate to ask people if they would like to go some place with me. Not sure why but that is the way it is. Maybe I have a hidden fear of being rejected and that would squash my self esteem and I would need to pay to go to counseling! I will venture into the stores in the grandstand as a friend is working a booth there and will say hi. I do think I will wear jeans and a sweatshirt. I did go out into the garage and use my trusty leather punch to make 2 more holes in my belt. Much cheaper than buying a new belt. The difficulties of losing weight.

I continue to work through Aaron to get work started on that road bike that I will get. Found out a new measurement that is needed and interesting way to measure it. For a bike frame inseam you need to stand against the wall with feet about 6 inches apart. You then use a hard cover book to put in your crouch as if you are riding a bike and apply 25 pounds of pressure which is supposed to be about what you would do if you were sitting on a bike. You then measure the height from the floor to the binding of the book(make sure the binding is up and not down). NOW YOU KNOW SOMETHING YOU ALWAYS NEEDED TO KNOW AND NEVER BOTHERED TO FIND OUT.

I just took a pizza out of the oven. When it cools I will cut it, put it into the cooler and then Cynthia and I will have dinner tonight. I will try to heat it up in a little grill that I have.

No, this may be enough for today. Got to get ice in the cooler, get things on better order in the truck, try to find a DVD player and maybe Cynthia and I could watch some movies when we are working so hard at the parking lot. My house is beginning to look like hurricane (name?) hit on Niles Ave. Will need to get things in better order next week.

Not much

2010-09-02T11:20:00.000-05:00

Here is Audrey. You can probably tell from this picture that she is getting to be such a big girl and when it comes to her brothers she can more than hold her own.

Not much today. Cynthia and I finished another night at the fair. Again about 3:00 AM we had a rain storm with at least an inch of rain and strong winds for a short while. Cynthia was in the back of the pick up when it came and she raced to the little shelter we can sit in. If a person is in the back of the pick up under the aluminma topper the rain sounds like it is the worst ever!!

Travis stopped over yesterday and brought dinner with him so he, I and Cynthia/Mike enjoyed veggies and steak. It feels so different as that is family now in town. As we all know and as I have experienced this last year time marches on, things change and who knows what is around the corner.

I know I said I was not going to do a count down but I can not help it. We are now 58% finished with the fair work. I still have not decided when or if I want to go to the fair. I know that a person should go during the week if possible because the crowds are so much smaller then but the week is almost finished and so that is not going to happen. I know I will not go today and tomorrow is Friday.

No, I once again tried to get in a good sleep and was up after 3 1/2 hours so maybe a nap is in order for this afternoon.

Them are happy campers for SURE

2010-09-01T08:14:00.000-05:00

Liam looks like the big guy as they often chew on a piece of grass when outside and Jude loves to wave good bye, wave hello and just wave.

Well well well Cynthia and I reached the mountain top at 6:00 AM this morning and as 6:00 PM rolls around we are on the way down down to the bottom(Sept 7@8:00AM). Nice night last night with cooler temps and not much wind. I have been trying to get some exercise in on my bike during the wee hours of the morning when nothing is happening. I ride my bike around the lot which is about the size of a city block. Did not intend to ride too much last night but the more I rode the more determined I was to ride on. Maybe it was good for an old body or maybe it used pent up energy or maybe the tiny little glitches of life caught up with me but what ever the reason I finally got off the bike at about 2:25 AM as the computer on the bike showed 25.2 miles. It felt good.

We are now into September, wow. With that of course comes yard clean up, storm windows, get the garage ready to park the truck in and of course that isn't even on my "must do list" so will spare that list least someone reads it and says that is impossible. I do not want to be down and out before I attempt something.

I will miss men's group again tonight because of work. It seems that I have been so busy with so many things that I have missed more events than I have gone to lately. I do have a wedding on Saturday and I will not miss that but then I will have to go to work before the reception starts--such is life I guess.

I called my little sister last night but she was not home. I suppose now that she has achieved the status of the "milestone" age she is out partying and things like that.

I did get an e-mail from brother Dave and I had to print it out. I laughed as when I read it I thought I was getting an e-mail from our dad. Some of the wording in it sounded just like dad. Might it be the case that all of us become more like our parents as we age gracefully?

Poor Wallace has not gotten any attention for a long time now and I know he feels it. Starting with camp in early August he has been so neglected. It was great as he did get a phone call when I was gone last night and even though he was bothered that his paw could not touch the talk button he did enjoy the message that was left and he was much happier today knowing that he is not totally forgotten.

Enough for now. I should be sleeping but could not get to sleep. I do need to run some errands today. Need to stop at a bike shop, need to get propane for the grill and maybe I need an Americano coffee at Starbucks. The only sad thing is with my high paying night work I have to work a long time to pay for that darn Americano drink. Is it worth it?

My home made salsa was a hit. I brought it to work last night and it was gone in about 30 min and then for the next hour we all breathed fire!!

The end of another month

2010-08-31T16:50:00.000-05:00

Here is Cynthia working hard at the employee parking lot which we watch each night. She is almost finished with a baby sweater that is really cute. As you can see the work is hard and never ending. You also see the props. The coffee to stay on top of your game but mostly to stay awake, the top shows some barriers so people don't run you over in their hurry to get home and of course the knittiing needles which serve to keep the hands busy. Now the mind, who knows where it may go or what it may entertain!!

We did have a storm move through the lot this morning about 3:30. I am guessing it gave us an least an inch of rain and it was also windy. That is the first rain we have had this year. Today is supposed to be the beginning of the end of our hot spell. As I write the temp is 82 and yesterday at this time it was 90+ so cooler fall like weather is on the way.

Not much more to say. Now and for the next 7 days it is work 13 hours of the day, sleep 4-6 if possible and the rest of the time try to get a tiny bit of things done. As the saying goes, this too shall pass and on the other side the sun will shine brightly.

Some success

2010-08-30T14:18:00.000-05:00

Here is some fruit of my labor. Now I would be the first to say that I have not done much work with the garden but the tomatoes are very good and I did start them from seed. I am claiming that my green thumb of farming from my childhood is not completely gone. What am I going to do with all the tomatoes? I do not know. I remember on the farm one of our favorite foods during tomato season was to cut them up and put cream and sugar on them!!!!! Don't think I will eat like that today but I remember they were delicious then.

I took some Advil PM and was able to sleep until 11:30 this morning--progress. That means I should be good to go for a bit as 4 1/2 hr of sleep is the best I have done so far. Now I am taking naps so they keep me going. I do hate that Advil PM as when I wake up after sleeping it keeps me in a physical fog for some time. That I can do without but when one needs sleep I guess it is necessary.

Another HOT day as the temp shows 95 out side in the shade. I think this is the last of the HOT HOT days. I have gotten to not really like hot weather all that much.

I decided to not do the count down some much for the fair as it seems to drag then. I am thankful on days like today that I am not standing out in the sun in the pavement telling people where to park. That would be no fun.

As I sit here Wallace is by the back door cooling off. He needs a hair cut big time but I try to do it only every 3 months and he isn't due until mid September. His hair is so thick that on hot days he needs the coolness of the house.

I did run some errands today so I can say that I did some work. I THINK I am getting ready to take off with projects and things after the fair. I did some work last night in writing down some goals, some areas to work on and projects to do. But maybe, just maybe when the fair is history I will say, "Carmen you need some time off to regenerate your batteries" and with that I may be lazy again!!!!

I have a dr appt today at 4. There is a wax build up in my left ear that needs to be taken out. The way I have been for the last long time I am concerned that when they remove the wax they may look right through my head and see out the other side. What a depressing thought that is.

I am finding that my mood, my frame of mind or whatever one would call it is still going up and down and up and down but the down times are less and less and I feel a bit normal. I am not claiming to yet be normal and in fact I am not claiming I ever was but the thought is positive.

Need to go and get some things done.

Sunday

2010-08-29T13:18:00.000-05:00

No picture and just a quick note.
Cynthia and I are ow 1/4 done with the night fair work. Cynthia is doing well with it and I am not excited about it. I find that I have so much to do around the house, I want to get back into my wood shop and when I come home from being up all or most of the night I am just no good for anything. I have been going to bed at around 7:00 when I get home but do not sleep beyond 10:00 or so. Can't figure that out but that is what is happening. So I guess it must be grin and bear it for 9 more nights when September 7th rolls around and it will be finished. I have been spending some of the long night hours by riding my bike in the parking lot. The last 2 nights I have gotten in about 17 miles each night but then seem to run out of energy as morning draws close.

I do continue my journey towards September 14 and don't really know what that will bring. I suppose this time leading up to that date is a bit emotional but what can one do other than trust in the Lord and move on as best as one can.

Our weather yesterday, today and tomorrow has been hot (90+) which reminds me of camp. As the week gets into mid and late week the temp is supposed to be more close to normal. The hot weather actually makes me thankful for night work as they have been pleasant.

Enough, I should try to nap but don't know if that is possible.

ONE year old Jude

2010-08-28T12:58:00.000-05:00

Here is Jude at his 1st birthday party 2 weeks ago. That cake was really really good.

Cynthia and I are now past day 2 of the fair with 10 more to go. I have stayed up most of the night and it has gone fairly well. I am now tired but hope to get more sleep in the days ahead. I have not been able to come home and get in a good sleep. Today I headed upstairs at 7:00 but could not sleep beyond 10 so not much there. We are thankful for the weather as the nights have been a bit cool but not cold and no rain so far.

Of course this is a different year from last year. Last year Travis would insist I sleep during the late night hours as I would go home and care for Gail during the day. What a difference a year makes!!!!

Talked to sister Joan last night and discussed the Lee family reunion coming up in July of 2011. That sounds like a long time in the future but time goes so fast it will be here before we know it. It should be a good time as we really have never had that kind of gathering. I am hoping that most people can make it.

I find that with this fair work I have little energy in the afternoons. I am planning and hoping to get work done when the fair ends and I have most days to work. Much to do for sure.

The weather is hot today. I think the temp as I write is 88 so for those who are at the fair, HOT. Cynthia and family went, hope they do not get too hot.

Not much to say. I am in the survival mode for the next few days.

Can you see my teeth?

2010-08-27T07:03:00.000-05:00

Here is Ruby Gail just short of 7 months showing off her teeth. She is a cutie.
I am home from my first night at the fair parking lot. I must not be too excited to do it this year as I would have to say it is nice to have 1 of the 12 nights behind me!
I will have to bring long pants as the temp was a bit cool in the early morning hours. I still say 12 hours is too long but then why would I complain when I would not HAVE to do it so I should keep my mouth closed and just do it.
I really should be in bed now as I stayed up for all but an hour of the night. Too many waking hours and too few sleeping hours for this guy. I will try to get to sleep soon and then maybe get up around noon or so.
I do have some things I need to do this afternoon before Cynthia and I leave again for the 6:00 starting time. The weather says over the weekend is should be hot and then cool down early next week again.
I think I am recovered from camp almost so that is a good sign. It did take me a long time this year.
Not much more to say as I am getting more tired by the word.

Home Sweet Home

2010-08-25T11:08:00.000-05:00

There is John/Mary/Henry/Liam and Audrey's new home. It resides at 110 S Coquillard Dr, South Bend, IN 46617. For those who may want to write or send a card you now have their address. Everyone seems to be doing well. Henry and Liam love their new school as Henry is 1st grade and Liam in all day K. Audrey seems to be able to more than hold her own in whatever she does. Mary, in her wonderful organized way is getting their new house to look like a cozy home. John is in to his new position and I do think he is over doing the work but sometimes that needs to be done. I hope he can keep his pace until there could be a day or two break perhaps in October or maybe not until Thanksgiving. Grandpa was not thinking real well as he arrived the morning after they had slept in their house for the first time. I know I was in the way as they were so busy but yet their were so kind and loving and I was able to be a wee bit of help on Monday before I headed home yesterday. I was there long enough for Liam to get in yet another of his famous quotes which seem to come out of nowhere. As Henry, Liam and Audrey were taking a walk with me Sunday night Liam comes up to me on his little scooter and says in his sweet 5 year old voice, "Grandpa, I savor this time with your!" Where he comes up with these things only God knows but they are so special, so precious and are a big part of the reason grandpa is able to do OK with the grandkids. I still struggle with my role as grandpa without grandma but it is getting somewhat better.
It was a long trip in a short time. I left Saturday morning and returned Tuesday evening and traveled 1060 miles. Not really the ideal way to spend time alone but I did want to spent some time with Aaron/Amy as I had not seen them for some time and I wanted to see John/Mary's new place. If they come to St. Paul for Thanksgiving I will travel to SB maybe not until the new year but if I do not see them in November I may venture down there in early December.
I talked to Aaron about getting a road bike. I think it will happen and I am excited. I may be a bit extravagant with it but now in my life who is to say do not do that!!!! No, I wouldn't mortgage the house to buy it but I may get something that is somewhere beyond what I need. I don't think I have done anything extravagant for myself since I decided to marry Gail.
I am way behind in my pictures on the blog. I have a great picture of Jude eating his cake at his 1st birthday party and some pictures of little Ruby Gail showing off her new teeth. Will have to post those as the days go by.
Tomorrow Cynthia and I begin our 12 night work at the fair. That means not much or maybe nothing will get done in the next 2 weeks. However I do feel that I now have my feet on the ground again. So much behind me and I am expecting so much ahead of me too. I was amazed at a note I got yesterday. A first year staff at camp wrote and said she thought camp went better than ever this year. It just goes to show me how God works inspite of our weaknesses and shortcomings. I certainly did not make camp that way so of course it had to be our wonderful God.
I have so much to do I am not sure where to start. My dining room table is covered with papers, my clothes need to get into the washer, the suitcase needs to be unpacked and put away, much much yard work to do and for sure I need to get on the bike and ride a bit. I missed that. I was happy as when I was gone I was able to maintain my weight so I am hoping to continue my downward ways now again. I NEED and WANT to lose 20 more pounds and then maintain that.
Forgot to mention that I did finish my 10 CD book on tape just before I arrived home yesterday. The book was kind of goofy but it certainly makes the time go by faster than just driving and thinking!! I also tend to get myself into trouble when I think too much. I also keep track of my gas when I was gone and was pleased to see that I averaged 35+ MPG. That also helps be justify my new car. I know I don't need to do that but will try anyway.
I am very mindful of September 14 coming quickly. I know that the date will not be a magical fix for me nor will it signal the end of something and the beginning of something else but still it is a day that looms large in my mind and I am almost afraid of it. ONE YEAR--it can't be can it? Oh my the grandkids are all so much bigger, Ruby Gail is new on the scene and my life is so so changed. I almost can not wrap my mind around the changes but don't know if I need to. Perhaps I just need to live one day at a time and depend on God to guide, love and lead me where ever that may be. The way I am feeling now that may be right out doors to get some work done!!
No the day is going and I need to get off this chair.

Saturday

2010-08-21T05:37:00.000-05:00

It is Saturday, August 21 and I will be off to Madison and South Bend in a couple of hours. Will stay with Aaron and Amy in Madison tonight and then with John and Mary in South Bend Sunday and Monday night. I will get to see Henry the day after his birthday, their new house and see what part of South Bend they live in. Should be fun but too short. Maybe another trip before the end of the year.

It was fun last night going to Barb Ferber's wedding and reception. The reception was at River Ridge and very nice.

I am now slowly creeping up on September 14 and I don't know what to expect. A year after Gail almost seems like it is impossible. I may have said this before but truely I think I am doing so much better after camp. Last night at the wedding reception I actually had a fun time. I don't think that had happened before. It was fun talking to people and being among so many friends. I also had that feeling at Jude's birthday party on Thursday. I enjoyed the time with family. Maybe I am getting close to turning that corner and heading down a new road, a new life and into a time where I can live, dream and be kind of a new person. Have I been here in the past? I think close but not as close as I am now. I will see and as I ponder I will really try to be positive and full of hope.

No it is early but need to do a bit more packing, eat some breakfast and ready myself to get on the road. I do not plan to blog while I am gone and will return Tuesday afternoon or evening.

Can't Believe

2010-08-19T22:47:00.000-05:00

I can not believe it has been 3 days since I last wrote. I am not sure if that is good or bad.
7
I am about to leave for Madison and then South Bend. Will take in a wedding tomorrow and then head out to Madison Saturday morning and then to South Bend on Sunday. I am excited to see John/Mary, the kids and their new house. I feel I have not seen Aaron/Amy, Leo and Ruby Gail for a long time so am excited to see them too.

This week has been a time of decamping my mind, my heart and my house. Not sure how successful I have been on any of those fronts but I am trying. I do feel so so much better now that camp is behind me. It was so good, so fruitful and so blessed but to have it in the past is very good for my emotional state.

When I return on Tuesday I need to get into the mind set of working the state fair for 12 nights but it will be fun to do that with Cynthia. Then I will be finished with that the morning of September 7th and at that time I KNOW I will be at a place to get back to my woodshop, house projects etc.

I will try to write a bit before I leave on Saturday but I know when I return next week I will be full of things to say.

No bumper sticker

2010-08-16T20:06:00.000-05:00

John and Mary drive a blue Dodge mini-van. There must be a hundred in the area. The only way I could tell if it was their van is a Trinity bumper sticker on the back. So what am I doing, still looking at blue vans for that stick even when they are now in South Bend!!!!
If you were to write a special weather request to God it would have been what we had today. High 70's, sunny, a bit of a breeze and perfect.
I think I am in my post camp mode. Did some things today, got some work done, drove some errands and all in all was happy with what I did. I think I may still be a bit tired but not bad. I think I may feel a bit of new energy and if that is true that would be great.
I am leaving Saturday morning to visit Aaron/Amy and then on to South Bend to see John/Mary's new home. I am excited to see it. Not too much time as Cynthia and I start our State Fair work on Wednesday, August 25 so need to be back for that. I can hardly wait for 13 nights of work without a break with the hours from 6 PM to 6 AM!!!!
We will have our camp sharings tomorrow night at the community meeting which should be fun. We will end it with a 10 min slide show which is always great. That will be the end of camp for 2010. The program directors and I will meet in mid September to talk about the camp and then to head towards 2011. There is no rest when you are having fun!
Will close for now.