The wheels

The new wheels.  As I was thinking today I realized this is the first car that I have bought.  Before we were married I only had a bike and a motorcycle and when we got married Gail had a car.  Then for the next years of course it was our car when ever we bought so here I am at the age of 63 buying my first car so to speak.
A rather slow day.  We did have meditations this morning and then Travis and I met for breakfast.  I went on a walk after that but from 11:00 to now I did not one stitch of work. 
I did do a first.  It was sad but I got through it.  Gail and I often would go down to a picnic place on the Mississippi River called hidden falls.  Well I stopped at the store, just like Gail and I would do and got food---I then headed down to hidden falls for my picnic.  I, myself and me were all there.  No Gail and really no fun but I got through it and I may do it again sometime.  I should look up the word picnic but I think it may imply 2 or more people!!!   Regardless I did it and the "first" is over with.  I should have kept a log of all the picnics we went on from the time we were married.  I know there were 100's and maybe 1000's. 
I find that I have to force myself to do things and then after the first time it is not so difficult.  I have been in kind of a mini funk this week and it would be so easy to stay home and isolate oneself from the world.  Perhaps I did that in a very small way this afternoon but 1/2 day of it is not so bad.  I just need to be careful to not do that toooooo much.
I did not sleep well at all last night.  I was so pleased as it seemed my sleeping problems were behind me and perhaps they are.  I hope last night was just last night and not a pattern so will see tonight. 
I can not say enough about the weather, the trees etc.  The sight and the smell of the blossoms is almost intoxicating. 
Now that I fixed my internet I was even able to post some pictures on Facebook.  That was surprising.  I do not look at it very much but I had tried to post pictures in the past and I would get kicked off internet. 
I got some dishes done today.  I had not washed dishes all week and there were not too many but nice to get some of them done.  Certainly makes the kitchen look better.
I am debating if I should go in the shop tonight or read a book.  I may toss a coin!

Life moves on

No picture today.  I looked back on my blog of April 28, 2009 and it had been the second week of no grandma and grandpa Thursday.  Don't know if we had any more or not.
Has already been an interesting day.  Got my walk in this morning early, like I left the house at 6:10.  Was back and ready to eat by 7:30.  I went to get some flowers for Gail's grave site.  They have marked where they will put in the foundation for the monument so that process has started.  I did not buy expensive flowers and when I had set them out I thought really Gail deserves better than that but I left them.  It is always surprising to me how many people one sees there.  As I was leaving I noticed a young gal, maybe 20 or so get out of her car and walk a short way to a grave site.  I noticed she was carrying a cup of coffee.  In my mirror as I looked back I saw her pour the coffee over the grave.  I thought gee don't they serve coffee in heaven??  Then I pictured the flowers I had left for Gail and I didn't say anymore!!!
On my way home I stopped and purchased some jeans that were on sale.  Part of the sale was also a free shirt.  So I paid $25 and got things valued at $55 so I thought I did well!!
The weather is just perfect.  When a person walks the sight and the smell of the trees is wonderful.
Cynthia and Faustina stopped by this morning. That was nice.  Like I said yesterday, those grand kids are the grandest thing ever.  Will meet Travis for breakfast tomorrow so that will be fun.
I am on my way outside to see if I can get some work don

Tuesday

This blog is doing funny things but here goes.  Adrich is on the left and I did not feel like that today.  Cynthia takes care of him.  Leo is on the right and I felt like that today!!
I got my walk in, got a short bike ride in, mowed the lawn and put some week killer on it, made a flyer for our Servant Camp fund raiser and delivered it to our office and had a nice chat with Larry B. 
Here are some things I have had on my mind.  They are not real sad, not real wonderful nor are they profound, just me 7+ months after Gail left us and thinking about what is next.

• My days are often filled with things that I never did in the past
• My memories are of Gail but my thoughts are towards the future
• I often think like Leo looks!
• I am so thankful for family
• I know grandkids are the grandest thing in the world
• I understand why Jesus was a woodworker
• I know why greving people often make bad decisions
• Things can be expensive, friendships are priceless
• Memories can be both happy thoughts and building blocks
• New friends are fun, old friends are indispensable
• A house can be a place to live without being a home
• Children are a most precious commodity
• Time spent with family is worth a million dollars
• Dirty dishes have a way of cloning themselves
• One person can make as much mess as two
• BUT, two people are better than one
• Eating alone is like kissing someone with bad breath.  It may be necessary at times but it is not fun
• Cooking for only yourself is like planning a party and nobody shows up
• Early to bed and early to rise makes a man, well lonesome early!!
• I think of Servant Camp a lot.  I hope many people come.  I hope grandchildren, friends and neighbors go to http://www.servantcamp.org and register for camp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A new day and a new thing

Here are our birthday boys April 15.  They sure had fun at the party.
I was happy as I got my walk in early today and it was good.  I hope to walk that 4+ mile route at least 6 times a week as I need the exercise. 
I purchased a different car today.  I downsized to a Honda Accord.  I think the salesman did his job, he made me feel like I got a good deal!!
I spent some time with Qwest today and I think my internet is now good to go.  At least so far so good.
Not much new here.  I once again did not get out into my shop and I think I still have somewhat of a thing about that without Gail.  I still can hear her words echo when she said about a year ago Carmen I can't die soon because I need to see the beautiful things you make.  Every time I hear that I get this lump in my throat or a tear in my eye.  It is not bad, it just happens.
I plan to get some yard work done tomorrow, we will see what happens.  Got to take care of those dumb weeds before they get out of hand.  Our neighbors had a tree sprayed near our yard today and afterward Wallace would not go outside, it must have smelled too much.
I am out of words and out of energy.

Another new week

Here is Travis and Jude.  They both look happy!!
I finished my work at the fair grounds today by 3:15 and headed home. I think working 36 1/2 hr in 3 days is just a bit much.    I thought about getting up at 5:00 AM each of the last 3 mornings and thought how did Gail and I do it at 4:00 AM or so each morning for 18 years???  By the time the end rolled around today I was beat.
I did get a 4+ mile walk in when I arrived home and that was good.  Had not been able to do that since Thursday so I needed the walk.  I plan to resume my morning walks tomorrow.
I am tired now so will try to get to bed no later than 10 tonight.  If I do that I should be able to get up by 6 and be good to go.
This weekend was the first extended work at the fair grounds since Gail's death.  The thoughts were many and the memories were fresh but I did OK I think.  I tend to get really impatient and want to hurry things along but it just can not be done.  God must have a reason for the length of the grieving process.  Today I was very sad.  Cynthia/Mike invited me for dinner but I just needed to be alone.  Am I better than a month ago, for sure.  Am I better than 2 months ago, you bet.  Am I better than last week, maybe!!  Have I accepted Gail's death, I know I have.  Is it easier than 2 months ago, I know it is.  Is it easy, I know it is not.  Am I ready to move on, I don't know but I doubt it.  Does Gail's loss linger in my heart and soul, it does and it is so heavy.  BUT I do think I am OK.  Another guy who was working at the fair grounds lost his wife 18 months ago.  He said he suffers sometimes from depression but he is trying his best to move on with life.  We each shared a bit with watery eyes and slumped shoulders but I think with a resolve that better times are ahead. 
My week is not too busy so that is good.  I want and I need to get into that shop more.  It will happen.
I had some enjoyable times working this weekend.  I find that interacting with people I don't know is kind of fun but I did find out I need to be careful as to what I say, who I talk to and how I say my words.  I will not get into details but I know I need to change some of my ways.
As I finish this I hope I can post it as this internet is still kind of funky and not good. 

Another 13 1/2 hour day

I think I have used this picture before but I have not had time to download new pictures.  This was taken in CA I think.
Another long day, 6:00 AM-7:15 PM without any breaks at the fair grounds.  I am scheduled to work tomorrow until 3:00 and that is it.
The work is not hard but it is just long.  I read a lot and went through 2 boxes that I brought along.  In the morning it rained so stayed in the pickup when ever I could.
 I went through 2 boxes of memories that I brought with me so it was an emotional time.  Many notes and cards I had sent Gail and also Christmas letters so the eyes are a bit sore tonight. 
I continue to have problems with my internet so this is short.

A quickie

Worked at the fair from 6:00 AM-7:30 PM without a break for lunch or anything so am tired. 
It was an emotional day.  One year ago Gail left for the women's retreat which was the last out of town event she went to.  I also finishing reading the book, "The Book Thief".  A very good book but many sad things in it.  I would certainly recommend it.  Also working at the fair there were many memories as that job was Gail's idea so I spent time with wet eyes but I got through it OK.  Came through last night with little sleep so will got to bed early. 
Tomorrow another day that long so no home work this weekend.
God is so present and so good.