Sunday, April 25, 2010

Another new week

Here is Travis and Jude.  They both look happy!!
I finished my work at the fair grounds today by 3:15 and headed home. I think working 36 1/2 hr in 3 days is just a bit much.    I thought about getting up at 5:00 AM each of the last 3 mornings and thought how did Gail and I do it at 4:00 AM or so each morning for 18 years???  By the time the end rolled around today I was beat.
I did get a 4+ mile walk in when I arrived home and that was good.  Had not been able to do that since Thursday so I needed the walk.  I plan to resume my morning walks tomorrow.
I am tired now so will try to get to bed no later than 10 tonight.  If I do that I should be able to get up by 6 and be good to go.
This weekend was the first extended work at the fair grounds since Gail's death.  The thoughts were many and the memories were fresh but I did OK I think.  I tend to get really impatient and want to hurry things along but it just can not be done.  God must have a reason for the length of the grieving process.  Today I was very sad.  Cynthia/Mike invited me for dinner but I just needed to be alone.  Am I better than a month ago, for sure.  Am I better than 2 months ago, you bet.  Am I better than last week, maybe!!  Have I accepted Gail's death, I know I have.  Is it easier than 2 months ago, I know it is.  Is it easy, I know it is not.  Am I ready to move on, I don't know but I doubt it.  Does Gail's loss linger in my heart and soul, it does and it is so heavy.  BUT I do think I am OK.  Another guy who was working at the fair grounds lost his wife 18 months ago.  He said he suffers sometimes from depression but he is trying his best to move on with life.  We each shared a bit with watery eyes and slumped shoulders but I think with a resolve that better times are ahead. 
My week is not too busy so that is good.  I want and I need to get into that shop more.  It will happen.
I had some enjoyable times working this weekend.  I find that interacting with people I don't know is kind of fun but I did find out I need to be careful as to what I say, who I talk to and how I say my words.  I will not get into details but I know I need to change some of my ways.
As I finish this I hope I can post it as this internet is still kind of funky and not good. 

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