Wednesday, April 14, 2010

April 14

I will not write much today nor will I copy what I wrote 7 months ago today.  I am now 7 month (229) days in my LAG.  I have cried much, laughed some, traveled some, helped celebrate many family birthdays, welcomed a new grand daughter into the family, celebrated many holidays, and taken in so much support from family friends and neighbors.  I have begun the process of building a new life and a new bank of memories without Gail.  What I have NOT been able to do is live on the edge, smile a lot, reach out to others or dream.  I need to dream, I want to dream, I want to make dreams come true but for the last 7 months my dreams have been replaced by memories and emotions. 
My hope and prayer is that God will, soon, fill my mind and heart with dreams.  They don't even have to be attainable, they just have to be there so hope is alive.  With hope one can smile more, love more and move forward.  I wish with every bone in my body that Gail could come back but NO, that will never be so I need and want to move forward with faith, love, dreams, hope and excitement.  With time on my side now I know that soon, some day, when I wake the sun will shine, the broken heart will be healed, only the happy memories will remain and I will move into a new day, a new beginning and LAG will become something I look forward to each day.
I need to dress, eat and pick up Leo as it is going to be a fun day.  I am wondering if the pizzia at Chucky Cheese place will help me dream or give me heart burn!!  I must remember to bring my camera.

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