Today is the 29th Sunday since we lost our Gail. I was thinking of the past as I sipped my strong coffee with a T of heavy cream in it. For several years, perhaps 5 or so, Gail and my Sundays consisted of getting up at 3:00 and getting the paper delivered, then we would go to 7:30 church and after church I would drop Gail off at home. In the winter I would wait for her to flick the front light to be sure she was in the house and then I would be off to the store. When I came home I would give her a magazine to read after shooing her out of the kitchen. I would then make a fancy fruit kind of thing and serve her in the living room. I would then make breakfast and we would sit in the living room, eating, talking, reading and eventually falling asleep for a short time. Of course Gail would always brag to me about how good the food was and often she would insist I take a picture of her plate before she started eating because she said is looked so pretty. Also, she would always add that she did not deserve to be served so nicely.
This morning I stopped after church to get some food, arrived home by 7:45 to a waiting Wallace who needed to be let out and eat. I then poured some coffee, it was made during church, opened the paper and read, thought and remembered in silence. During that time Wallace barked a bit because he wanted to come in but except for that no sound, no noise no activity other than the sipping of coffee and the turning pages of the paper.
Life changes, life evolves and I guess we all need to be ready for some kind of change at any time in our lives. I need to daily remind myself that God is good, his blessings are so abundant and not deserved and in the end other than our love of God, family and friends are the most important thing in the world. I need to always remind myself that in the decisions I make relationships always trump over material things!
I did get some more work done in the yard yesterday. More dirt was moved, some tree roots were dug out and some old sidewalk was removed. Still much work to be done but every little bit hurts, I mean helps!!!
I am still debating how over weight I am, how weak I am or how old I am. Maybe my lack of stamina is due to emotional weariness of missing Gail ,I hope so, but what ever it is I can dig, carry and move only so long and I am TIRED. I think I will blame it on emotional stress and pretend I am young, fit and full of energy!!
In the end here Sundays are often full of memories, sometimes too long and always somewhat empty even when I am with family or friends. In the sunniest Sundays the clouds seem to be there, the air seems a bit stuffy and the wind seems to blow in whirlwinds of emotions and musings that are often sad. Somehow and for some reason I seem to miss that hand more, that hug more, that look more and that smile with the twinkle at the corner of the mouth so so much. I am off on a bike ride, that may help--maybe.
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