It is now late afternoon and I just came home. Have spent several hours sitting by the river reading, people watching and thinking. On the way home I stopped at Gail's grave site and spent enough time there to read a chapter in a book that A/A left for me. I sat on a bench monument a short distance from Gail.
Have been thinking that I am in a situation much like a marathon runner. The runner is in a long race, he feels pain, he feels tired, he is exhausted, there is the temptation to stop-to give up. He hears the roar of the crowd, the cheers of friends, and the encouragement of fans along the way but as he feels all of the turmoil inside and the fatigue he knows. He appreciates all of the things around him but deep inside it is he and his will. He alone must persevere, he along must push forward. I have thought much about learning to live without Gail, it is certainly a work in progress. The loneliness is there and perhaps always will be but the learning to live a new life is the hill that one must climb.