Thursday, April 15, 2010
A yesterday picture
A full day but not too busy.
Had breakfast with the meditation guys this morning and that was nice. When we go for breakfast it is not a meditation but rather a BS session which I think is needed once in a while.
Did some shopping after that. I bought some flowers and placed them on Gail's grave site. I also picked up old twigs, leaves etc around the site and with the green grass it is looking nice. Makes me kind of excited to have the monument come in by June or so. I suppose the deer will like those flowers tonight. Not sure how to solve that.
Spent most of the afternoon getting ready for the party. By 5:30 there were 18 people all chatting or playing at the same time which made for a fun time. Those kid do grow fast and they seem to have plenty of energy!
Amy, Ruby Gail and Leo will head back tomorrow morning. Amy has 1 full week left and then it will be back to work full time. It sure is nice that she can take the 12 weeks off.
It will take me a LONG time to adjust to family gatherings without Gail. She just made them so special and that whole element is missing now. I said the day she died that her selflessness would be irreplaceable and that has proven to be so true.
I guess at this time I am missing most her smile, her kiss, her tug, her warmth, her total presence. I just marvel at how one can and does grow accustomed to another person in that way and when they are gone that whole element of life seems to fade into the horizon. I find myself missing so much the warmth of her being and I know that it just can not be replaced. I often am tempted to say to myself "just suck it up and move on with life" but you know what I can't. I mean that in the sense that there is no "suck it up cure" for this. I do think that can happen when one doesn't get that new job, doesn't get that deserved pat on the back or doesn't get that promotion but with this the answer is time. Now it almost sounds like I am leaving the Lord out of my situation and that is not true. I pray, others pray for me and other things as well and I do not think I would survive without the Lord but it still needs time. If I can stay away from the pity parties it helps a lot.
I failed in my financial goal for the month. I put 90% of my expenses on a credit card and then I have it paid off automatically before the due date. I missed it my $200 which is the same as last month. It is not super important but maybe this month I can be successful.
NOTHING scheduled for tomorrow. I just may pack my phone, pen and paper and get lost for much of the day. That actually sounds kind of fun.
I think it is time for bed.