Saturday, April 10, 2010
Gail would have loved it
My stomach knot is gone today and I am in a better place. I plan to work in the yard this afternoon on that landscaping project again. I really should go on a bike ride as it is perfect weather but will probably reserve that for Mon-Fri as the weekends have many more people out and about.
I copied some 10 pictures of my mother and e-mailed them to the kids today as Aaron/Amy wanted them for Ruby Gail's book. Doing that kind of thing for me at this time is emotional not so much towards my mother but towards my Gail. I am a little distance from those emotions of the last 2 days but perhaps I need to drink more water today for all of the liquid I lost yesterday and Thursday. I find myself getting more and more down on myself when I have those "down" times. I am not sure that is good or bad but it just is. I need to and want to remember the good times with Gail and be able to smile when I do that. However, most of the time right now it is difficult to smile when I have memories. Lord, I need to have you help me change.
I have had several times in the last short while where I have joked too much or said too much. Have to change that and fast. Like I said so many months ago I do not have Gail to cover for some of my shortcomings or temper what I do or say so I need to change. I try but am not always successful. I often wonder what it would be like to be perfect. Actually I would very happily settle for being kind of near perfect or really when I think of it maybe if I just knew what perfect was that would help.
No as the day wears on I need to get some work done. If I am not careful the weekend will be history and I will still be planning it.