Monday, March 14, 2011
All things must end at some time. After countless entries, hundreds of pictures and I know many many hours of writing it is time to move on.
January 26, 2009 Gail discovered a lump on her chest. We were in the middle of a renewed life, a weight loss schedule and life was good but-----the doctor said she was pretty sure it was only a strained muscle but we needed to come in and be sure. January 30th life took a turn that would lead to eternal life for Gail and a journey that I would need to walk with the help of family and friends. On March 23 Cynthia and Mike encouraged me to start a blog, that was over 600 entries ago and almost 2 years past.
From February-September 14 Gail and I prayed, worked, changed how we ate and pretty much focused 24/7 on Gail's health. We prayed and hoped with all our energy and faith that Gail would be physically healed and live a long life. However in God's mysterious ways it did not come to past and September 14, 2009 Gail met our Lord and I embarked on a journey that has been lonely, full of family and friends, difficult, life changing and of course many more adjectives could be used.
So here I am 18 months to the day that Gail left us. I have focused on home, I led Servant Camp in 2010, I have welcomed Ruby Gail Lee into our family, have given my blessing on John/Mary to move (I am not saying they needed my approval but I am saying it was the right thing for them to do), I have turned Servant Camp over to new leadership, my house has become to some degree my home and not Gail's and I have seen all those wonderful grandchildren grow and grow and grow. Oh yes, I have also explored entering into a new relationship. I am currently in Naples Florida enjoying the sun and activities and talking to a friend to see if we may want to live our life together into old age.
Before Gail died she and I talked about my life after her death. She said I should not live alone and I said I would be happy with my wood shop and family. I found out something about myself that was a complete surprise to me. I grew up in rural ND and spent countless hours alone. Everything from shooting baskets to bouncing the ball against the barn (I was Johnny Logan when I did that!!), to making wooden guns to fishing to whatever I did much of it was alone. So for sure I would be happy alone. Well Cynthia pointed out that I did that because of my environment but really that was not me. Well for you men you probably know what it is like to get wisdom from your daughter!! However it was true and I have found that I am happiest when I am with others.
I feel that my grieving is behind me. Gail will always be missed and in talking to people who have lost loved ones I know that is true but I know it is time for me to focus on the future and what God has for me in the months and years ahead.
With that I say good-bye to my grandma Gail blog. I have started up a new one that anyone is invited to look at but it will focus on family and new adventures in my life, something that many of you may find boring. The blog has peaked my interest in writing and I want to continue to do that.
If you are interested here is the new blog: http//www.carmenjlee.blogspot.com
I know that many people over the past two years have read my blog. I cherish the many comments that were made and I appreciate the advice and insights that were given. I know that God has used the blog to lighten the burden of grieving and to heal the wounds of my loss. To each who came into my life through my blog I am most thankful.