For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey: Christmas's past

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Christmas's past

Here is Leo (2 years ago) modeling his Grandma made PJ's which turned out to be Gail's last sewing project and the only project she did on her fancy 40th anniversary sewing machine.
Today was one of those days that one wants to just put behind them and not think about things again. I had 2 situations where I just came away as an emotional wreck. I do not know how people view me but I am kind of thinking that many friends would be surprised to hear me say that I absolutely hate conflict, disagreement or any kind of confrontation. Gail would always tell me that I could not see reality some times and I just wanted everything to always be happy, fine and never have disagreements. That may be a fairly true picture of me. Anyway today was not one of my banner days. DETAILS---well there will not be any here but it is enough to say that I feel batted down, stepped on and then left for fodder!! Not that anyone did anything wrong, no that is not the case. I just hate it when I know people are sad, upset or bothered in a big way and that happened today. Of course things will be OK, life will be fine tomorrow and if half the people in the world had no bigger problems than me it would be a greater place than it really is. But the truth is my day was not good. It was more a product of who I am and not related to others. Sometimes I just wish I could be different or have less faults or just was able to put things aside without attaching emotions to things but I often seem not able to do that. So when I fail it seems to me that I fail big time. Anyway I do need to gather my wits about me after a good nights sleep as Christmas is getting near and the focus needs to be on our mighty God and how he gave us his only son to be our savior.
It seems early but I am spent so will try to see if the pillow gives some relief.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...: We must have been raised by the same people! I too hate confrontation and I'd like everyone to be happy and in a good mood all the time. Doesn't work that way. There are just some people that like that sort of thing. For me I like to smile at everyone, even total strangers and hope I may brighten their day just a little. Guess that's why I like working in customer service jobs. It does work with some. Tomorrow is another day, I'll still be smiling!:) Helen; December 20, 2010 at 6:07 PM

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

I know of no one who fit this better than Gail

Proverbs 31: 10-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm.
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously:
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Well done good and faithful servant, your praise is much and your reward is to be with God forever.

Our Story

Our story begin in 1951, when Carmen was 4 and Gail was 5! We met as our parents were at a camera club. Fast forward--Carmen begin to attend grade school in town in 1957, the same school that Gail went to. Fast forward--We had our first date in the winter of 1964 in Gail's senior year of high school. Again--we were married June 1st of 1968. We moved to St. Paul in October of 1977 and lived at 2094 Niles Ave until Gail's death September 14 of 2009.
Gail first breast cancer was found in October of 2003. After surgery, chemo, radiation and infusions for a year she felt well and we lived life in our normal mode. Carmen retired in June of 2007 and shortly after that we quit doing the paper route as well. In the fall of 2007 we went on our dream vacation. We camped for 7 weeks in Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia and in the New England states. Sleeping in our truck and eating over an open fire we felt that we had experienced heaven. Then in January of 2008 we spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with friends and again had so much fun. In the fall of 2008 we did much work on the outside of the house and we were so excited to enter 2009 with big plans and dreams. In January Gail was diagnosed with new cancer. For the next 7 1/2 months we prayed, changed our life style, laughed and cried often. As the end of Gail's life drew near she was peaceful and family cared for her at home until she met Jesus. It was a journey that was wonderful, exciting, blessed, full of life and full of love but of course it was too short. Gail is so missed but I know she is in a better place so my journey must continue on without my true love.
I enter a new decade as the "I" that I never wanted to be but I have hope. Hope of things not experienced and hope that life will again, in 2010, become something that I look forward to each morning. My hope is based on our Lord who gives all, who is all and who gives love to all who believe. I enter this new decade with so many questions and so few answers but with faith that all will be well.

For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Christmas's past

1 comment:

The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

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