Saturday, July 17, 2010

Oh My

I was not ready for this picture.  A friend of Travis' did a fund raiser for cancer and did this in Gail's memory.  I totally lost it when I saw the picture and still as I write this I have tears.  I guess it is true that a picture is worth a thousand words.  It is hard to believe but to this day I often think about Gail and say is she really gone?
The last few days have been interesting.  I don't think I have seen family in the last 4 days.  I know that has not happened since Gail died and for many many months before that as well.  I am not saying it was bad or anything it just was so so different and I found that I got very lonesome.  I did drive past John/Mary's place and it looked like they had company from out state, perhaps Mary's family from South Bend.  Cynthia/Mike are still on vacation and I have talked to Travis a bit but not seen him.  So it is what it is but very very different and I guess I may get used to it as soon there will be less family close.  As I have said before I really do get lonesome and that is some thing I did not think would happen to me.  I guess it is never to late to learn something about one self.
I had a nice phone conversation with Gail's mother and sister yesterday.  Grandma is so busy now, at the age of 89, that it is often hard to call as she is not home much.  I would say that is good.
The weekend so far has been hot and slow.  Not much happening but I have gotten work done around the house. 
Some probably have noticed that I now do not blog everyday and I mention Gail less.  I am trying to do that as at this stage I sometimes feel that talking a lot sends me into a downer.  More and more I try to recall the happy memories and then get on with my life.  I try and sometimes do well but it still is so hard.  I am very very surprised at my emotions.  Sometimes they seem so out of control I get mad at myself and sometimes I do OK. 
With the hot weather I am using this time to do somethings in the basement where it is cooler so will return there to throw, recycle, keep and wonder!!!!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That is a wonderful picture! When we do our Rally for the Cure tournament we buy flags. The proceeds go to the Susan G. Komen foundation for breast cancer research and I always buy a flag for Gail and other people I know. Pink is for survivors and white for non survivors. They encircle the putting green and it is a beautiful sight. I'll try to get a picture of it this year. It is a very emotional time for me as I remember the battles that have been fought, some won and some lost. This year I will need to increase the number of flags but as always there will be one for Gail. Her name won't be on it but I will know.
Love, Helen