For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey: Oh My

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Oh My

I was not ready for this picture. A friend of Travis' did a fund raiser for cancer and did this in Gail's memory. I totally lost it when I saw the picture and still as I write this I have tears. I guess it is true that a picture is worth a thousand words. It is hard to believe but to this day I often think about Gail and say is she really gone?
The last few days have been interesting. I don't think I have seen family in the last 4 days. I know that has not happened since Gail died and for many many months before that as well. I am not saying it was bad or anything it just was so so different and I found that I got very lonesome. I did drive past John/Mary's place and it looked like they had company from out state, perhaps Mary's family from South Bend. Cynthia/Mike are still on vacation and I have talked to Travis a bit but not seen him. So it is what it is but very very different and I guess I may get used to it as soon there will be less family close. As I have said before I really do get lonesome and that is some thing I did not think would happen to me. I guess it is never to late to learn something about one self.
I had a nice phone conversation with Gail's mother and sister yesterday. Grandma is so busy now, at the age of 89, that it is often hard to call as she is not home much. I would say that is good.
The weekend so far has been hot and slow. Not much happening but I have gotten work done around the house.
Some probably have noticed that I now do not blog everyday and I mention Gail less. I am trying to do that as at this stage I sometimes feel that talking a lot sends me into a downer. More and more I try to recall the happy memories and then get on with my life. I try and sometimes do well but it still is so hard. I am very very surprised at my emotions. Sometimes they seem so out of control I get mad at myself and sometimes I do OK.
With the hot weather I am using this time to do somethings in the basement where it is cooler so will return there to throw, recycle, keep and wonder!!!!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...: That is a wonderful picture! When we do our Rally for the Cure tournament we buy flags. The proceeds go to the Susan G. Komen foundation for breast cancer research and I always buy a flag for Gail and other people I know. Pink is for survivors and white for non survivors. They encircle the putting green and it is a beautiful sight. I'll try to get a picture of it this year. It is a very emotional time for me as I remember the battles that have been fought, some won and some lost. This year I will need to increase the number of flags but as always there will be one for Gail. Her name won't be on it but I will know.
Love, Helen; July 17, 2010 at 11:58 PM

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

I know of no one who fit this better than Gail

Proverbs 31: 10-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm.
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously:
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Well done good and faithful servant, your praise is much and your reward is to be with God forever.

Our Story

Our story begin in 1951, when Carmen was 4 and Gail was 5! We met as our parents were at a camera club. Fast forward--Carmen begin to attend grade school in town in 1957, the same school that Gail went to. Fast forward--We had our first date in the winter of 1964 in Gail's senior year of high school. Again--we were married June 1st of 1968. We moved to St. Paul in October of 1977 and lived at 2094 Niles Ave until Gail's death September 14 of 2009.
Gail first breast cancer was found in October of 2003. After surgery, chemo, radiation and infusions for a year she felt well and we lived life in our normal mode. Carmen retired in June of 2007 and shortly after that we quit doing the paper route as well. In the fall of 2007 we went on our dream vacation. We camped for 7 weeks in Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia and in the New England states. Sleeping in our truck and eating over an open fire we felt that we had experienced heaven. Then in January of 2008 we spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with friends and again had so much fun. In the fall of 2008 we did much work on the outside of the house and we were so excited to enter 2009 with big plans and dreams. In January Gail was diagnosed with new cancer. For the next 7 1/2 months we prayed, changed our life style, laughed and cried often. As the end of Gail's life drew near she was peaceful and family cared for her at home until she met Jesus. It was a journey that was wonderful, exciting, blessed, full of life and full of love but of course it was too short. Gail is so missed but I know she is in a better place so my journey must continue on without my true love.
I enter a new decade as the "I" that I never wanted to be but I have hope. Hope of things not experienced and hope that life will again, in 2010, become something that I look forward to each morning. My hope is based on our Lord who gives all, who is all and who gives love to all who believe. I enter this new decade with so many questions and so few answers but with faith that all will be well.

For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Oh My

1 comment:

The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

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