For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey: I did it and am out of gas

Saturday, September 11, 2010

I did it and am out of gas

Here is Travis maybe in 1989 or so after a 80 mile race and he looks much much better than I did today after a non-race 31 mile ride. It was fun but after about the 22 mile I was totally gassed and remained that way to the end. The wind, gusts up to 25 mph, just wasted me big time. It was fun meeting some new riders from the cycling club. Roger, maybe 70+ or so, was a stronger rider than I and I really enjoyed getting to know him a bit. At one time, maybe 30 years ago, he went on a 200+ ride in one day. Don't think I will go there any time soon. Really I found out, actually I already knew, that I am not in biking shape and I need to lose more weight.

I went back to my blog of September 11, 2009 and read it. Gail had her last liquid this morning. We turned off all phones and covered the door bell as it bothered her. She wrote her last note on that day which I still have. She wrote, "In the long scheme of things, where am I?" Of course I could not say what I saw but rather I remember saying, "Honey, you will be just fine." Now that is true because in a couple of days she met our Lord which meant she was very fine.

I must have been hurting as I wrote several questions like IF Gail dies, can I be happy? and CAN I be strong enough without my Gail? The answers to those 12 months later is "in time but not for a while" and I do not think I can be strong enough without Gail.

I think I will need to put something in the tub and soak for a while. I do hurt in places not to mention. I think the warm water will feel good. No riding tomorrow.

I think that is enough for today. I am not sure what should come first, a bath or a nap.

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

I know of no one who fit this better than Gail

Proverbs 31: 10-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm.
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously:
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Well done good and faithful servant, your praise is much and your reward is to be with God forever.

Our Story

Our story begin in 1951, when Carmen was 4 and Gail was 5! We met as our parents were at a camera club. Fast forward--Carmen begin to attend grade school in town in 1957, the same school that Gail went to. Fast forward--We had our first date in the winter of 1964 in Gail's senior year of high school. Again--we were married June 1st of 1968. We moved to St. Paul in October of 1977 and lived at 2094 Niles Ave until Gail's death September 14 of 2009.
Gail first breast cancer was found in October of 2003. After surgery, chemo, radiation and infusions for a year she felt well and we lived life in our normal mode. Carmen retired in June of 2007 and shortly after that we quit doing the paper route as well. In the fall of 2007 we went on our dream vacation. We camped for 7 weeks in Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia and in the New England states. Sleeping in our truck and eating over an open fire we felt that we had experienced heaven. Then in January of 2008 we spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with friends and again had so much fun. In the fall of 2008 we did much work on the outside of the house and we were so excited to enter 2009 with big plans and dreams. In January Gail was diagnosed with new cancer. For the next 7 1/2 months we prayed, changed our life style, laughed and cried often. As the end of Gail's life drew near she was peaceful and family cared for her at home until she met Jesus. It was a journey that was wonderful, exciting, blessed, full of life and full of love but of course it was too short. Gail is so missed but I know she is in a better place so my journey must continue on without my true love.
I enter a new decade as the "I" that I never wanted to be but I have hope. Hope of things not experienced and hope that life will again, in 2010, become something that I look forward to each morning. My hope is based on our Lord who gives all, who is all and who gives love to all who believe. I enter this new decade with so many questions and so few answers but with faith that all will be well.

For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Saturday, September 11, 2010

I did it and am out of gas

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

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