Friday, September 25, 2009


I was invited to John and Marys for dinner tonight but for some reason I thought I should not go. Jerry Wind stopped by and asked me if I wanted to come to dinner. That seemed right and I did go. In the course of after dinner discussion I gained some more insight into Gail's journey. Of course there are many questions from many people as to why was Gail not healed. So many people had so many words, scriptures and thoughts that led us to believe that she would be healed, then WHY not? For me at least part of the answer came tonight. This is the insight I had for myself tonight. God wants all of us to live life to the fullest to the best of our ability until our last breath. In February the doctor told us that in 4-6 months Gail's sternum would be big, red, ugly and she would have serious health problems. To Gail that was an immediate death sentence. She knew that she wanted to live and the way for her to do that was to believe that she would be healed. Her belief that she would be healed allowed her to live life to the fullest until her last breath and each time someone prayed with her or gave her a scripture or a word that allowed her to continue to live beyond what the doctors said she would or could. That is why at one time she said in a half joking and half serious manner that she wanted to put up a sign on the door that said :If you do not believe do not come in". I feel what she was saying is I want to live, love and serve as long as I can and I need your belief to do that. I more clearly see now why it was so important to her when people prayed with her, told her they believed she would be healed and sent her thoughts, prayers and scriptures to that effect. I hope this makes sense to others as it does to me and I now better understand Gail's journey. I so clearly remember her words when we were making the decision to not go with hormone therapy. She said, "I want to live a long time but if I don't I want to feel as good as possible for as long as possible." I know that your belief helped her wish come true.


Anonymous said...


Thank you for sharing your journey. It is a true gift of your heart and soul, for us, to us. Know that my prays continue, for you, and in gratitude for all the gifts that our Father has given to the rest of us, through you and Gail. I know the love of the Father continues, strong, through both you and Gail.

Another dear friend of mine, Tom, died suddenly, unexpectedly, from a massive heart attack, this last week. He was 71, a dear friend, a Catholic priest, who had become a soul friend and gifted blessing to our family. A second priest friend, Vince, was the one to call and tell me of Tom's death. In my second, tearful phone conversation with Vince, I reflected something like, "Vince, all of this is so hard. Now Tom has gone and changed." Vince, responded, "Yes, Tom use to be here, looking at you, listening to and feeling your your journey. Now, he is within you, looking out, living your journey with you." It took me a moment of quiet reflection, then a simple, "...ah, (and then, quietly, simplely) ...oh my."
Now, too, when I think a of Gail, I think of her, within me, looking out through my eyes, feeling with my heart and soul, and helping me with my journey.


Anonymous said...

I am so blessed that you share so honestly and openly Carmen. It has been a gift to me to help me process her journey from death to eternal life. You may think that you need to change but Gail didn't think so. I remember about a month ago when you said that you were so bad and she told you that you must stop talking like that. You are so open and loving. You are open to God and what he wants to do in your life and because of that if He wants you to change He will do that in your life.
love, Susan