For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey: Insight

Friday, September 25, 2009

Insight

I was invited to John and Marys for dinner tonight but for some reason I thought I should not go. Jerry Wind stopped by and asked me if I wanted to come to dinner. That seemed right and I did go. In the course of after dinner discussion I gained some more insight into Gail's journey. Of course there are many questions from many people as to why was Gail not healed. So many people had so many words, scriptures and thoughts that led us to believe that she would be healed, then WHY not? For me at least part of the answer came tonight. This is the insight I had for myself tonight. God wants all of us to live life to the fullest to the best of our ability until our last breath. In February the doctor told us that in 4-6 months Gail's sternum would be big, red, ugly and she would have serious health problems. To Gail that was an immediate death sentence. She knew that she wanted to live and the way for her to do that was to believe that she would be healed. Her belief that she would be healed allowed her to live life to the fullest until her last breath and each time someone prayed with her or gave her a scripture or a word that allowed her to continue to live beyond what the doctors said she would or could. That is why at one time she said in a half joking and half serious manner that she wanted to put up a sign on the door that said :If you do not believe do not come in". I feel what she was saying is I want to live, love and serve as long as I can and I need your belief to do that. I more clearly see now why it was so important to her when people prayed with her, told her they believed she would be healed and sent her thoughts, prayers and scriptures to that effect. I hope this makes sense to others as it does to me and I now better understand Gail's journey. I so clearly remember her words when we were making the decision to not go with hormone therapy. She said, "I want to live a long time but if I don't I want to feel as good as possible for as long as possible." I know that your belief helped her wish come true.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...: Carmen,

Thank you for sharing your journey. It is a true gift of your heart and soul, for us, to us. Know that my prays continue, for you, and in gratitude for all the gifts that our Father has given to the rest of us, through you and Gail. I know the love of the Father continues, strong, through both you and Gail.

Another dear friend of mine, Tom, died suddenly, unexpectedly, from a massive heart attack, this last week. He was 71, a dear friend, a Catholic priest, who had become a soul friend and gifted blessing to our family. A second priest friend, Vince, was the one to call and tell me of Tom's death. In my second, tearful phone conversation with Vince, I reflected something like, "Vince, all of this is so hard. Now Tom has gone and changed." Vince, responded, "Yes, Tom use to be here, looking at you, listening to and feeling your your journey. Now, he is within you, looking out, living your journey with you." It took me a moment of quiet reflection, then a simple, "...ah, (and then, quietly, simplely) ...oh my."
Now, too, when I think a of Gail, I think of her, within me, looking out through my eyes, feeling with my heart and soul, and helping me with my journey.

Bernarda; September 26, 2009 at 8:18 AM
Anonymous said...: I am so blessed that you share so honestly and openly Carmen. It has been a gift to me to help me process her journey from death to eternal life. You may think that you need to change but Gail didn't think so. I remember about a month ago when you said that you were so bad and she told you that you must stop talking like that. You are so open and loving. You are open to God and what he wants to do in your life and because of that if He wants you to change He will do that in your life.
love, Susan; September 26, 2009 at 12:27 PM

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

I know of no one who fit this better than Gail

Proverbs 31: 10-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm.
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously:
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Well done good and faithful servant, your praise is much and your reward is to be with God forever.

Our Story

Our story begin in 1951, when Carmen was 4 and Gail was 5! We met as our parents were at a camera club. Fast forward--Carmen begin to attend grade school in town in 1957, the same school that Gail went to. Fast forward--We had our first date in the winter of 1964 in Gail's senior year of high school. Again--we were married June 1st of 1968. We moved to St. Paul in October of 1977 and lived at 2094 Niles Ave until Gail's death September 14 of 2009.
Gail first breast cancer was found in October of 2003. After surgery, chemo, radiation and infusions for a year she felt well and we lived life in our normal mode. Carmen retired in June of 2007 and shortly after that we quit doing the paper route as well. In the fall of 2007 we went on our dream vacation. We camped for 7 weeks in Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia and in the New England states. Sleeping in our truck and eating over an open fire we felt that we had experienced heaven. Then in January of 2008 we spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with friends and again had so much fun. In the fall of 2008 we did much work on the outside of the house and we were so excited to enter 2009 with big plans and dreams. In January Gail was diagnosed with new cancer. For the next 7 1/2 months we prayed, changed our life style, laughed and cried often. As the end of Gail's life drew near she was peaceful and family cared for her at home until she met Jesus. It was a journey that was wonderful, exciting, blessed, full of life and full of love but of course it was too short. Gail is so missed but I know she is in a better place so my journey must continue on without my true love.
I enter a new decade as the "I" that I never wanted to be but I have hope. Hope of things not experienced and hope that life will again, in 2010, become something that I look forward to each morning. My hope is based on our Lord who gives all, who is all and who gives love to all who believe. I enter this new decade with so many questions and so few answers but with faith that all will be well.

For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Friday, September 25, 2009

Insight

2 comments:

The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

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