For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey: Thursday

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Thursday

I woke up too early. Maybe I will need to take a nap this afternoon. I am trying to think of what will happen today and it seems like not too much so perhaps the level of activity may be leveling off.

Yesterday morning I made myself breakfast which was the first time I actually made a meal since Gail died. It reminded me of the last 2 or 3 years I would make breakfast for Gail Sunday mornings. Of course she would always say it was so good.

My sister Joan is leaving for Salt Lake City today. She was here yesterday for a few hours. Cynthia, Travis, Joan and I had lunch which was nice.

I spent some time last night going through Christmas cards from 1996 that Gail had kept. I thought maybe I would find a million dollars in a paper route card!! Instead as Gail's records were so neat I found out that most of the paper route tips were $10. I did find a pennys gift card for $25 which I think may still be good and a $70 Christmas check from Grandma Saunders which I think I will not cash!! One more drawer cleaned out.

I walked around the neighborhood last night for a short time. It brought back so many memories of lawn mowing, snow shoveling, painting and the list went on. It, I think, was the first time reality seemed to stare me in the face and my mind started to register that I am now alone. There is family which is so good, neighbors, friends and they are all so so supportive but in the end I am alone, no more Gail. I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and thanked God for blessing me with her presence for so long and then asked him for grace as his healing spirit comes each day.

Cynthia and Mary were here yesterday morning. They arrived as I was out and about. I stopped in at Starbucks to let a friend know about Gail and then stopped at the insurance office as I have known our agent for 25+ years and he lost his wife from cancer 6 years ago. For me those first encounters with people are emotional and difficult but I am sure they too will become easier with time.

No, I may try to lay down a bit. I woke up to the dream of my wallet laying by the open front door and I had to come down to make sure everything was OK. Have a good day.

1 comment:

Julie Bruber said...: Carmen (Uncle Carmoney),

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, struggles and most of all, your love for Gail with us. I will miss her very much! Know that I think of you and pray for you often through the day.

Julie

P.S. If you're looking for an extra hand around the house, I'm an excellant cleaner :); September 24, 2009 at 11:53 AM

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

I know of no one who fit this better than Gail

Proverbs 31: 10-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm.
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously:
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Well done good and faithful servant, your praise is much and your reward is to be with God forever.

Our Story

Our story begin in 1951, when Carmen was 4 and Gail was 5! We met as our parents were at a camera club. Fast forward--Carmen begin to attend grade school in town in 1957, the same school that Gail went to. Fast forward--We had our first date in the winter of 1964 in Gail's senior year of high school. Again--we were married June 1st of 1968. We moved to St. Paul in October of 1977 and lived at 2094 Niles Ave until Gail's death September 14 of 2009.
Gail first breast cancer was found in October of 2003. After surgery, chemo, radiation and infusions for a year she felt well and we lived life in our normal mode. Carmen retired in June of 2007 and shortly after that we quit doing the paper route as well. In the fall of 2007 we went on our dream vacation. We camped for 7 weeks in Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia and in the New England states. Sleeping in our truck and eating over an open fire we felt that we had experienced heaven. Then in January of 2008 we spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with friends and again had so much fun. In the fall of 2008 we did much work on the outside of the house and we were so excited to enter 2009 with big plans and dreams. In January Gail was diagnosed with new cancer. For the next 7 1/2 months we prayed, changed our life style, laughed and cried often. As the end of Gail's life drew near she was peaceful and family cared for her at home until she met Jesus. It was a journey that was wonderful, exciting, blessed, full of life and full of love but of course it was too short. Gail is so missed but I know she is in a better place so my journey must continue on without my true love.
I enter a new decade as the "I" that I never wanted to be but I have hope. Hope of things not experienced and hope that life will again, in 2010, become something that I look forward to each morning. My hope is based on our Lord who gives all, who is all and who gives love to all who believe. I enter this new decade with so many questions and so few answers but with faith that all will be well.

For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Thursday

1 comment:

The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

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