Thursday, September 24, 2009


I woke up too early. Maybe I will need to take a nap this afternoon. I am trying to think of what will happen today and it seems like not too much so perhaps the level of activity may be leveling off.

Yesterday morning I made myself breakfast which was the first time I actually made a meal since Gail died. It reminded me of the last 2 or 3 years I would make breakfast for Gail Sunday mornings. Of course she would always say it was so good.

My sister Joan is leaving for Salt Lake City today. She was here yesterday for a few hours. Cynthia, Travis, Joan and I had lunch which was nice.

I spent some time last night going through Christmas cards from 1996 that Gail had kept. I thought maybe I would find a million dollars in a paper route card!! Instead as Gail's records were so neat I found out that most of the paper route tips were $10. I did find a pennys gift card for $25 which I think may still be good and a $70 Christmas check from Grandma Saunders which I think I will not cash!! One more drawer cleaned out.

I walked around the neighborhood last night for a short time. It brought back so many memories of lawn mowing, snow shoveling, painting and the list went on. It, I think, was the first time reality seemed to stare me in the face and my mind started to register that I am now alone. There is family which is so good, neighbors, friends and they are all so so supportive but in the end I am alone, no more Gail. I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and thanked God for blessing me with her presence for so long and then asked him for grace as his healing spirit comes each day.

Cynthia and Mary were here yesterday morning. They arrived as I was out and about. I stopped in at Starbucks to let a friend know about Gail and then stopped at the insurance office as I have known our agent for 25+ years and he lost his wife from cancer 6 years ago. For me those first encounters with people are emotional and difficult but I am sure they too will become easier with time.

No, I may try to lay down a bit. I woke up to the dream of my wallet laying by the open front door and I had to come down to make sure everything was OK. Have a good day.

1 comment:

Julie Bruber said...

Carmen (Uncle Carmoney),

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, struggles and most of all, your love for Gail with us. I will miss her very much! Know that I think of you and pray for you often through the day.


P.S. If you're looking for an extra hand around the house, I'm an excellant cleaner :)