Monday, September 21, 2009

Monday, September 21

One week ago Cynthia woke me up this morning at about 2:30 AM and said that perhaps I should come downstairs. It seems like a few minutes ago and it seems like eternity. Those last 10 hours of Gail's life are so fresh in my mind I don't know if they will ever dim.

I rambled around in our bedroom last night until 1:30. I found a Valentine Card in the dresser that I had given Gail a LONG time ago. There were letters from our niece, the kids, a 3 page letter from Travis, basketball pins, soccer pins, a story of her aunt and uncle Anne and Otto who celebrated 75 years of marriage, list is almost endless and that was only ONE drawer.

As I opened all of the shades this morning I noticed that the grass is still green, the flowers are still blooming, the trees still have leaves and we still have neighbors. Then I let our dog Wallace out, fed him, put on some water for french press coffee, opened the door to get the paper and then I stopped. I said to myself that God is good, in fact he is wonderful. Gail is in a perfect place, no more pain or suffering or troubles or concerns, I think I have good health, there are the 4 kids, 6 grand children, siblings, in-laws and tears streamed down my face. I thought that my grief is real but it is not for Gail, it is for me. As I walked quickly to get a tissue I felt more than a twinge of pain but I also felt a glimmer of hope. Hope that time will heal, tears will be less frequent and constant memories will change to thoughts of the future. I spent time reading the funeral readings, especially Psalm 131. Of course before projects started for the day I sat down with my coffee and read the paper.

I can hardly wait to hear from Aaron/Amy today. They will find out today if their baby in January will be a boy or girl. I also am resolved to look forward to our niece Amy's wedding this coming weekend.

Have a good day and a great week.

3 comments:

Connie Schrandt said...

Carmen,

Thanks for being so real with all of us. What a gift that is.

I couldn't agree more about the beautiful service for Gail and the wonderful sharings about her and the family. It all makes me wish that I had known her better, but then I am quickly reminded that I will know her perfectly in the future.

God bless you as you experience both grief and comfort.

kbornhoft said...

Hi Carmen,

You have been on my mind all day. I was telling my coworkers about the funeral Mass and I realized what a wonderful celebration of Gail's life it was. Geoffrey told Andrew all about it when he came home for the weekend. Gail will be with us until enternity.

I remember a book I read after my mom died. It was by Peter Kreeft. I'll look for it. But one idea from it has stuck with me these last 20 years. He said our love for the person who has died doesn't stop, it grows and it grows more purely because sin is not involved.

I know that your love for Gail and her love for you will grow and grow until you meet again.


Kim

We choose to live this life. said...

Hi Carmen,

More than a couple people I have talked with since the funeral agreed that hearing the reading from Proverbs with Gail in mind was unlike any time we had heard it before. It just fit so well the woman we knew. It made me so grateful for her and inspired me to be a better homemaker and to really strive to live the words of that reading as best I can.

Thanks for sharing all about your days and what is on your heart. It is beautiful to read.

We continue to pray for you.

God Bless.

Lucy Cunningham

P.S. We are now receiving the same Pioneer Press deal...4 weeks free (!) and I am enjoying the same simple pleasure of coffee and reading the paper in the morning.