For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey: Monday, September 21

Monday, September 21, 2009

Monday, September 21

One week ago Cynthia woke me up this morning at about 2:30 AM and said that perhaps I should come downstairs. It seems like a few minutes ago and it seems like eternity. Those last 10 hours of Gail's life are so fresh in my mind I don't know if they will ever dim.

I rambled around in our bedroom last night until 1:30. I found a Valentine Card in the dresser that I had given Gail a LONG time ago. There were letters from our niece, the kids, a 3 page letter from Travis, basketball pins, soccer pins, a story of her aunt and uncle Anne and Otto who celebrated 75 years of marriage, list is almost endless and that was only ONE drawer.

As I opened all of the shades this morning I noticed that the grass is still green, the flowers are still blooming, the trees still have leaves and we still have neighbors. Then I let our dog Wallace out, fed him, put on some water for french press coffee, opened the door to get the paper and then I stopped. I said to myself that God is good, in fact he is wonderful. Gail is in a perfect place, no more pain or suffering or troubles or concerns, I think I have good health, there are the 4 kids, 6 grand children, siblings, in-laws and tears streamed down my face. I thought that my grief is real but it is not for Gail, it is for me. As I walked quickly to get a tissue I felt more than a twinge of pain but I also felt a glimmer of hope. Hope that time will heal, tears will be less frequent and constant memories will change to thoughts of the future. I spent time reading the funeral readings, especially Psalm 131. Of course before projects started for the day I sat down with my coffee and read the paper.

I can hardly wait to hear from Aaron/Amy today. They will find out today if their baby in January will be a boy or girl. I also am resolved to look forward to our niece Amy's wedding this coming weekend.

Have a good day and a great week.

3 comments:

Connie Schrandt said...: Carmen,

Thanks for being so real with all of us. What a gift that is.

I couldn't agree more about the beautiful service for Gail and the wonderful sharings about her and the family. It all makes me wish that I had known her better, but then I am quickly reminded that I will know her perfectly in the future.

God bless you as you experience both grief and comfort.; September 21, 2009 at 3:14 PM
Unknown said...: Hi Carmen,

You have been on my mind all day. I was telling my coworkers about the funeral Mass and I realized what a wonderful celebration of Gail's life it was. Geoffrey told Andrew all about it when he came home for the weekend. Gail will be with us until enternity.

I remember a book I read after my mom died. It was by Peter Kreeft. I'll look for it. But one idea from it has stuck with me these last 20 years. He said our love for the person who has died doesn't stop, it grows and it grows more purely because sin is not involved.

I know that your love for Gail and her love for you will grow and grow until you meet again.

Kim; September 21, 2009 at 4:53 PM
We choose to live this life. said...: Hi Carmen,

More than a couple people I have talked with since the funeral agreed that hearing the reading from Proverbs with Gail in mind was unlike any time we had heard it before. It just fit so well the woman we knew. It made me so grateful for her and inspired me to be a better homemaker and to really strive to live the words of that reading as best I can.

Thanks for sharing all about your days and what is on your heart. It is beautiful to read.

We continue to pray for you.

God Bless.

Lucy Cunningham

P.S. We are now receiving the same Pioneer Press deal...4 weeks free (!) and I am enjoying the same simple pleasure of coffee and reading the paper in the morning.; September 21, 2009 at 6:52 PM

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

I know of no one who fit this better than Gail

Proverbs 31: 10-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm.
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously:
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Well done good and faithful servant, your praise is much and your reward is to be with God forever.

Our Story

Our story begin in 1951, when Carmen was 4 and Gail was 5! We met as our parents were at a camera club. Fast forward--Carmen begin to attend grade school in town in 1957, the same school that Gail went to. Fast forward--We had our first date in the winter of 1964 in Gail's senior year of high school. Again--we were married June 1st of 1968. We moved to St. Paul in October of 1977 and lived at 2094 Niles Ave until Gail's death September 14 of 2009.
Gail first breast cancer was found in October of 2003. After surgery, chemo, radiation and infusions for a year she felt well and we lived life in our normal mode. Carmen retired in June of 2007 and shortly after that we quit doing the paper route as well. In the fall of 2007 we went on our dream vacation. We camped for 7 weeks in Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia and in the New England states. Sleeping in our truck and eating over an open fire we felt that we had experienced heaven. Then in January of 2008 we spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with friends and again had so much fun. In the fall of 2008 we did much work on the outside of the house and we were so excited to enter 2009 with big plans and dreams. In January Gail was diagnosed with new cancer. For the next 7 1/2 months we prayed, changed our life style, laughed and cried often. As the end of Gail's life drew near she was peaceful and family cared for her at home until she met Jesus. It was a journey that was wonderful, exciting, blessed, full of life and full of love but of course it was too short. Gail is so missed but I know she is in a better place so my journey must continue on without my true love.
I enter a new decade as the "I" that I never wanted to be but I have hope. Hope of things not experienced and hope that life will again, in 2010, become something that I look forward to each morning. My hope is based on our Lord who gives all, who is all and who gives love to all who believe. I enter this new decade with so many questions and so few answers but with faith that all will be well.

For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Monday, September 21, 2009

Monday, September 21

3 comments:

The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

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