Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Another Ruby Gail
Did not do a lot today. I have many many thoughts going through my mind right now. None of which are earth shattering but non the less important. And for the sake of clarity and understanding they do not involve me but other people I know!!!
Life just seems to continue, with no regard for any one person's happiness, difficulties, struggles or anything else. I am seeing a whole side of humanity that I have never thought about or seen when I go out to Gail's grave site. I go there once or twice a week. I am amazed at that place, the people who visit often, the spirit of sadness, contentment, commitment, love, joy and peace. There are old people, young people, rich people, poor people and any other kind of person you could think of. It makes one think that death strikes families regardless of social status, material possessions or anything else. When I stop to think of things like that of course you know it is true but yet I have never thought about it and it amazes me. I have become attached to the place for many many reasons, none of which I ever thought about in the past. I do think that through this whole experience of losing Gail I have become more compassionate, more understanding, more giving and yet I have so far to go it hurts. When I see a person drive up, stop, get out and stand by a grave site I silently cry with them and for them. Their sorrow cuts my being as if a knife had pieced my side and I think of their sorrow, their journey, their grief and I cry with them. It is not so much a cry of sorrow but of compassion, of sadness and of a togetherness with them even though I do not know them. If one wanted to analyze it you could say go figure!!!! So there I sometimes sit, eyes wet with tears, my heart feeling as if it can not absorb anything else and my mind numb with the feeling that God is good yet life is difficult and oh how much we need our heavenly Father to love us, console us and protect us.
Here it is almost 10:30 and I have meditations at 6 AM so best get some sleep.