Sunday, June 20, 2010

How about a nose kiss??

Here is Jude who is about the happiest guy in town.  It looks like he and Wallace have a special affection for each other.
Here is another special day and it seems it may be the same as so many in this first year without Gail.  Some fun with family, some tears of loneliness and some alone time to reflect, cry and gather myself for the coming days, weeks and months ahead.
Gail and I really did not make Father's day a big big deal but there was usually a picnic, potato salad and burgers.  I think 2 years ago it was a Wabaun Park picnic with tonka toasts and homemade ice cream. 
Well it will be Wabaun again today with the tonka toast but not the homemade ice cream.  All of the kids and grand kids will be there except Mike who is flying in tonight from a conference.  Lizzia and Betina will also be there.  It should be a fun time with good food, lotz of kids, lotz of energy and some sadness and emptiness without our beloved Gail. 
My day is all planned which is unusual.  I will go to 7:00 AM church and for today I better bring tissue, then it will be home to make sure everything is ready for the picnic, all of us (Aaron/Amy/L/RG are in town) will be at Wabaun from 10-12 to enjoy, eat, laugh, talk about J/M move and I know some tears will be shed as well, then for me there will be a long bike ride to enjoy God's beauty and to exercise.  I have been biking everyday for a little while and it has been fun.  Alone---well there is no choice but it is OK and as time goes on maybe it will even be very good.  I may have to break down this evening and have some potato salad (I will doctor it up and pretend Gail made it) and a burger.  At my age it has to be early enough so I can sleep!!!!
What may I think about as I ride along the Mississippi River this afternoon?
  • Gail and I always wanted to ride bike a lot and really never did ride that much
  • Life without Gail is like riding bike with only one leg, difficult but it can be done
  • I love my kids and I love my grand kids
  • I don't want J/M to move away but when you commit yourself to follow God all is good in the end
  • I am thankful for good health
  • I cherish so many wonderful memories of Gail
  • I wish Gail were here today
  • The bike I am riding was purchased with a gift from Grandma Saunders and Gail had a matching one
  • Life is so fleeting and so short and so precious that it is difficult to comprehend all
  • The story will end with all together once again and God is good
It has been some time since I last sat here and wiped away tears from the keyboard.  I am so sad today, I am so happy today and I am thankful today.  Gail will never grace this earth again so my life must go forward with dreams, with memories and with thankfulness towards family and friends.
It seems a short time ago that I was grinding wheat grass and then holding my nose as I drank it and chased it down with tomato juice.  Gail would drink her juice down and not chase it because she wanted to get every last drop of healing power out of it.  Today she is completely healed in heaven and she is so glad, so happy and so far removed from those days of earthly struggles.  For that, for her, I am happy but on days like today I have to admit I feel lonely and to be honest I feel sorry for myself!!

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