Saturday, June 26, 2010
A slow day so far
I continue to really struggle with the "one" concept!! I miss Gail so much but now as we are getting close to 10 months I am really big time struggling with being alone and dealing with all that life has. I feel like life has swallowed me up into a big big whirlwind and I am in the air looking down at so so so much to do, so much I want to do and really just thinking that there is no end in sight. I am guessing this is part of losing a spouse and learning to live life in a different mode but for now it is really difficult. My energy seems to have left, my desire seems to have taken a nap and my dreams seems to be so far away. I would like this to pass quickly but don't really know how or when that might happen. I need to not focus so much into the future I think. In times like these I tend to look a year or two or more down the road and then I see myself standing in my yard and still seeing all that I have done or need to do and it has been me, myself and I. I tell myself I need to look at my situation and enjoy things and seek out the good in where I am and some of the time I can do that but the last few days it has been so hard to not focus on long term whatever. I have been pretty good about seeing a couple my age and saying I am so happy for them but lately I find myself in that same situation and saying why could that not be Gail and I.
I just put a load of bedding in the washer and intend to hang them out to dry. I don't even know if they will dry as it is so humid today. We received 3" of rain last night so things are very very wet and damp. Will see what happens to the bedding when I can get it on the line.
No I usually have not blogged in the middle of the day and I really should get some work done if I can get this body of mine to move.