For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey: Chowder anyone?

Friday, February 5, 2010

Chowder anyone?

Here is Gail on the steps of a little cafe in Morell, Prince Edward Island. Perhaps 3 or 4 times a week we would stop at a local cafe and eat local food while we were in PEI and Nova Scotia. Gail would usually order chowder and it was always wonderful. At times it was difficult to find places open as it was in late September and early October and many many places were closed for the season.
Today was uneventful. I did get a fairly short walk in and got a little work done, but not much. Cynthia brought dinner over and Mike came from school and we ate together. After dinner Cynthia and I were talking and she asked me if life is getting a bit easier yet. My reply--
No, in fact it may be somewhat more difficult but I have fewer tears. We are now coming up on 5 months and I am finding that life alone is really not a lot of fun. I would not say it never will be but the reality of being alone, as contrasted with being married, is not very appealing. I am trying to be proactive in my life but the truth is I have not gotten to the point where I can really think about the future, dream dreams or look forward to what is coming next. I am so excited to see our new Ruby Gail and I will go to Madison fairly soon but in all honesty I do not look forward to the drive there alone or the drive back alone again. It is not that driving alone is hard or bad but it is the contrast to what those trips used to be with Gail. She would pack the clothes, she would make a lunch, she would make sure she had the cutting board in the car and the waste basket and perhaps even the kitchen sink!! But really it was an event, a time together, a time on the road and it was fun(well the time both of us forgot to put our suitcase in the car it was not so fun!!). As we would pull out of the driveway we would sing "On that road again" and then when we arrived home we would sing "home again home again jiggity jog (sp) but you get the picture. It sounds a bit silly, a bit corny but if any married couple thinks about their relationship there just has to be a part of it that is unique and corny to them and that is part of what makes a marriage special.
The short of it is I miss that aspect of my life. Now I need to get to a place where I can be excited about new things, new activities and a different life. I actually think that it is around the corner. The question is how far away is the corner???? I know time is a huge factor so I will be patient and wait and in the mean time I will keep those memories close to my heart and mind.
Tomorrow morning there will be some talks at River Ridge so the morning will be taken up and in the afternoon I am not sure what I will do but I will try to make it productive.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...: Carmen,
I'm praying for you today. It's so hard to go from married to single, particularly in the death of a loved one. It's unnatural. But the amazing thing is, when Jesus was walking this earth as a man, fulfilling his mission here, he too felt so out of place yet he did it - just for us. He struggled to live without his Father here on earth, so he could die for us up on that cross.
He's got you covered. You are doing just fine.; February 5, 2010 at 9:41 PM

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

I know of no one who fit this better than Gail

Proverbs 31: 10-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm.
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously:
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Well done good and faithful servant, your praise is much and your reward is to be with God forever.

Our Story

Our story begin in 1951, when Carmen was 4 and Gail was 5! We met as our parents were at a camera club. Fast forward--Carmen begin to attend grade school in town in 1957, the same school that Gail went to. Fast forward--We had our first date in the winter of 1964 in Gail's senior year of high school. Again--we were married June 1st of 1968. We moved to St. Paul in October of 1977 and lived at 2094 Niles Ave until Gail's death September 14 of 2009.
Gail first breast cancer was found in October of 2003. After surgery, chemo, radiation and infusions for a year she felt well and we lived life in our normal mode. Carmen retired in June of 2007 and shortly after that we quit doing the paper route as well. In the fall of 2007 we went on our dream vacation. We camped for 7 weeks in Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia and in the New England states. Sleeping in our truck and eating over an open fire we felt that we had experienced heaven. Then in January of 2008 we spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with friends and again had so much fun. In the fall of 2008 we did much work on the outside of the house and we were so excited to enter 2009 with big plans and dreams. In January Gail was diagnosed with new cancer. For the next 7 1/2 months we prayed, changed our life style, laughed and cried often. As the end of Gail's life drew near she was peaceful and family cared for her at home until she met Jesus. It was a journey that was wonderful, exciting, blessed, full of life and full of love but of course it was too short. Gail is so missed but I know she is in a better place so my journey must continue on without my true love.
I enter a new decade as the "I" that I never wanted to be but I have hope. Hope of things not experienced and hope that life will again, in 2010, become something that I look forward to each morning. My hope is based on our Lord who gives all, who is all and who gives love to all who believe. I enter this new decade with so many questions and so few answers but with faith that all will be well.

For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Friday, February 5, 2010

Chowder anyone?

1 comment:

The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

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