For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey: Look out!!!

Monday, February 8, 2010

Look out!!!

If you want someone to defend your rights it looks like Travis is your man!
I have not much to say today. I just am tired, lonesome and still dealing with this stretch of "I want Gail" thing. You know people can say so many things and they can be 100% correct. Things like "it will get better" or "Gail is in a better place" or "time will heal" and there must be 100+ more things that can or have been said. Things I know, agree with and all that but when the sun goes down at the end of the day the reality is Gail is not here and I wish she were. I guess I am just in the mode where I need more time NOW to digest, think, sit, ponder, wonder, pray, reflect and more. I am tired, I am worn out, I am lost. Not lost in the sense that I don't know who I am but rather lost in the whole mind thing.
I have used some of my time today to shovel snow. I have done 2 of my neighbors, Judy and Mary Pat. I actually like to do those kind of things. I know in the past both Gail and I would do some of that. I also was able to talk to Mary Pat and ask about patching those kids jump things as the Boy Scouts want to know where to get them fixed so she said she would let me know tomorrow.
I did make breakfast for Don F and myself this morning and then Don and I were able to talk for a while, that was fun. Also made a meal tonight and had people over which was fun. BUT I think I need to have some down time now. Down time to perhaps cry some more and those tears washing down my face seem to help. I really do not know if anyone who has not gone through losing a loved one can understand. In the book I am reading it said that to feel sorry for one self is OK at times so I will do that tonight. As I go to bed in that queen size bed and toss from side to side I will feel sorry for myself. As I look at that sentence it appears that I may be, well I won't say it but I do need those times where I can just weep, tears of sorrow seem to help cleanse my soul and heart. I think I will leave the dishes on the counter tonight and just sit and read.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...: Carmen;
You are right on in regard to all the sympathy expressions people often use...although they may be well intentioned. If you want to share in someone's pain...just be there and listen and share in their hurt. That is how I see it. A past hurtful situation of a co-worker comes to mind as I share these thoughts. That downtime is a necessary and healthy thing.
PS- Don't overdo the shoveling...I think perhaps I did.
Steve; February 9, 2010 at 3:05 AM

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

I know of no one who fit this better than Gail

Proverbs 31: 10-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm.
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously:
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Well done good and faithful servant, your praise is much and your reward is to be with God forever.

Our Story

Our story begin in 1951, when Carmen was 4 and Gail was 5! We met as our parents were at a camera club. Fast forward--Carmen begin to attend grade school in town in 1957, the same school that Gail went to. Fast forward--We had our first date in the winter of 1964 in Gail's senior year of high school. Again--we were married June 1st of 1968. We moved to St. Paul in October of 1977 and lived at 2094 Niles Ave until Gail's death September 14 of 2009.
Gail first breast cancer was found in October of 2003. After surgery, chemo, radiation and infusions for a year she felt well and we lived life in our normal mode. Carmen retired in June of 2007 and shortly after that we quit doing the paper route as well. In the fall of 2007 we went on our dream vacation. We camped for 7 weeks in Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia and in the New England states. Sleeping in our truck and eating over an open fire we felt that we had experienced heaven. Then in January of 2008 we spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with friends and again had so much fun. In the fall of 2008 we did much work on the outside of the house and we were so excited to enter 2009 with big plans and dreams. In January Gail was diagnosed with new cancer. For the next 7 1/2 months we prayed, changed our life style, laughed and cried often. As the end of Gail's life drew near she was peaceful and family cared for her at home until she met Jesus. It was a journey that was wonderful, exciting, blessed, full of life and full of love but of course it was too short. Gail is so missed but I know she is in a better place so my journey must continue on without my true love.
I enter a new decade as the "I" that I never wanted to be but I have hope. Hope of things not experienced and hope that life will again, in 2010, become something that I look forward to each morning. My hope is based on our Lord who gives all, who is all and who gives love to all who believe. I enter this new decade with so many questions and so few answers but with faith that all will be well.

For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Monday, February 8, 2010

Look out!!!

1 comment:

The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

Our Story

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