Monday, February 8, 2010
I have not much to say today. I just am tired, lonesome and still dealing with this stretch of "I want Gail" thing. You know people can say so many things and they can be 100% correct. Things like "it will get better" or "Gail is in a better place" or "time will heal" and there must be 100+ more things that can or have been said. Things I know, agree with and all that but when the sun goes down at the end of the day the reality is Gail is not here and I wish she were. I guess I am just in the mode where I need more time NOW to digest, think, sit, ponder, wonder, pray, reflect and more. I am tired, I am worn out, I am lost. Not lost in the sense that I don't know who I am but rather lost in the whole mind thing.
I have used some of my time today to shovel snow. I have done 2 of my neighbors, Judy and Mary Pat. I actually like to do those kind of things. I know in the past both Gail and I would do some of that. I also was able to talk to Mary Pat and ask about patching those kids jump things as the Boy Scouts want to know where to get them fixed so she said she would let me know tomorrow.
I did make breakfast for Don F and myself this morning and then Don and I were able to talk for a while, that was fun. Also made a meal tonight and had people over which was fun. BUT I think I need to have some down time now. Down time to perhaps cry some more and those tears washing down my face seem to help. I really do not know if anyone who has not gone through losing a loved one can understand. In the book I am reading it said that to feel sorry for one self is OK at times so I will do that tonight. As I go to bed in that queen size bed and toss from side to side I will feel sorry for myself. As I look at that sentence it appears that I may be, well I won't say it but I do need those times where I can just weep, tears of sorrow seem to help cleanse my soul and heart. I think I will leave the dishes on the counter tonight and just sit and read.