Thursday, February 18, 2010
Way off to the side!!!
I went to a funeral this morning. I sat by myself kind of off to the side. Those events are just too close to real life for me yet. At least this time I brought some tissue. I did not stay for the lunch. I will get to that stage at some time but for now it a challenge to hang in to the end of the funeral service. Terry died suddenly at the age of 71. Sue did not get to prepare or say good bye but she is surrounded by so many loving family and friends so the journey will be difficult but full of loving support. It would be so nice if one could just skip through those first few months but of course that is not possible. I will pray for her daily.
I am off to Bucky Badger land tomorrow morning. I intend to get to Madison in time to go with Amy to get Leo at 2. I need to be sure to remember to bring the 2 most important items. My camera and clean underwear!!! Nothing else matters. No actually I have gifts from John/Mary and Lizzia so I had better put those in the car.
I am becoming ever so gradually more comfortable in this single life. I have come to the conclusion that the large hole in my heart will always be there, a covering will heal over it and remain tender to each new situation or to so many thoughts. However I do know that because God will heal over the hole he will use happiness and laughs instead of bricks and mortar for repair. For that I am excited and thankful. Come Lord in your mercy and love to enter into me in a new and fuller way.
I have begun to have some ideas how I can/should use my time. It is not that I have ever lacked for things to do or been bored but I think God is saying that I need to reach a bit more outside of myself. Gail did that ALL the time and I will not copy her but it is a wonderful thing to live for others and not oneself. I think we generally live in a selfish world and I do not put myself outside the realm of that world.