Friday, February 26, 2010

No pain, no gain

That saying sticks in my mind.  Today, for no real reason, was the most difficult day in several months.  I don't know why, I don't know the trigger, I don't have a clue but the day was long, sad, tearful and not good.  I guess I just have to hang on to there will be difficult days and then they will get better.  I had the feeling that I was not supported, not thought of and kind of forgotten.  Now I know that is not true but never the less I had to fight those stupid feelings all day.  Of course I know that everyone has their own lives, everyone is busy and life just flies by but oh those thoughts and feelings just need to be prayed against and not accepted.  It may have been a combination of monument, old papers, old pictures bringing up memories that at times seem so fresh and at times are just hard to fight against.  On top of that I have begun to feel that I am too lost without Gail, just abnormally so.  After all it has been close to 6 months and at times I feel that I just lost Gail yesterday.  For the first time in several weeks I found myself saying I need to talk to Gail about that or I can hardly wait to share that with Gail and then coming to realize that I can't do that now.  Maybe tomorrow will be better.
I did go to David and Rachelle's engagment party which was nice but even at that I found those darn tears slowly etching lines in my face and for some reason I was very aware and not happy doing that at a party.  I do think I should be over that so I did leave a bit early
I do need to get ready for breakfast tomorrow morning as I think there will be about 10 men here.  I think I am going to bed early and then try to get up early.

1 comment:

kbornhoft said...

Carmen,

We had a great time chatting you on Friday. Kim