Sunday, February 21, 2010
It was a nice time. It was fun being with Aaron, Amy and family. That Leo could play or listen to books all day long. He sure is a special guy. As for Ruby Gail of course she is special. I would have to admit that this grandpa is not the best at holding tiny babies but it was fun. We really needed Grandma as she would have had so much fun.
I was thinking on the way home that it is strange that I am so lonesome. Millions of people live alone and it is what they chose or want or whatever. I know it has only been 5+ months but still I have had this feeling inside of me that I needed explained or something. As I was thinking, praying and just being silent before the Lord as I drove it came to me. It is not the loneliness that is hard, it is the absence of Gail. When I thought of that there is a BIG difference. Now I understand and I will not tell people that I am so lonely, I will say that it is very difficult getting used to the absence of Gail. When I think about it in that way I understand much better. It does not make me feel better but I do understand more. I guess what it does is gives me hope that as time passes Gail's absence will be felt less and therefore life will be more alive and better and that for some reason is easier for me to understand and accept than to think of "when will I be less lonely."
I am so excited, Aaron did so much to my bike and it looks so nice and will be so fun to ride. Now we need to have warm weather to ride. I remember that when John and Travis were going to high school they always had a week of spring break in March and often they were able to train outside on their bikes at that time. Don't misunderstand me, I am not training, I just want to ride.
As we look at tomorrow this is the last week in February, wow.