For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey: LIttle did you know

Friday, February 12, 2010

LIttle did you know

As I was in the book store yesterday I noticed that the new 2010 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is in. (I didn't buy one!) Little did you know that here is the picture that started the whole Sports Illustreated idea. Now I think they have taken it way way too far but this was a fairly modest start don't you think!! By the way it is Cynthia when she was about 4 or 5.
I will be headed up North tomorrow. I am not taking my computer so I am guessing that I will not blog until perhaps Tuesday. I am not looking for any miracle or cure or anything like that. I am almost finished with the book I have been reading and it has helped me with ideas I had already. I perhaps have said this many many times before but here is where I am at:

I know Gail is in heaven very near God so I am so happy about that
I do not feel sorry for myself nor am I angry or upset. I realize that many many people have lost loved ones before me. Of course the people who come to mind are Grandma Saunders who lost Grandpa 20 years ago, Mark and Mary who lost Scotty, Deb and Dale who lost DeeAnn and Allen who lost Jeanne, Glorine who lost my brother, John who lost my sister and my parents who lost a son and daughter. So as you see I am not alone nor am I the last.
For me I just plain miss miss miss miss Gail. Sunday it will be 5 months. I miss her smile, I miss her laugh, I miss her gifts, I just plain miss everything about her not being here. There is no cure or anything that can be done to change that. I really do appreciate all the prayers and I hope people continue to hold me up but I realize that I just need to walk each day in God's presence and as the days, weeks and months go by my pain will be less and my lonliness will get less. I do not anticipate those things going away, I just think they will become less and I will be able to carry them with me as part of me.

So that is my story for now. I plan to spend Saturday night, Sunday and Monday praying, sleeping, reading, thinking and trying to get my mind and body in a better place than it is now. I hope and pray that when I come back, most likely on Tuesday, I will be a bit refreshed. If God chooses to reveal something extra special to me that would be wonderful but I am not looking for that.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...: I hope this getaway does give you some room to breath, relax, find some peace and make sense of who you are and where you're headed. Regroup. We all should do that every now and then. Have a safe trip.
Helen; February 12, 2010 at 11:34 PM
Mr. Adkins said...: Wow. I certainly don't remember ever seeing THAT picture.....! -cynthia; February 13, 2010 at 1:39 PM
Anonymous said...: Sounds to me like a "private retreat"...a good idea I think. God's blessing on you during your time away! (guess you're already away...but wish you well Carmen!)
Steve; February 13, 2010 at 7:42 PM

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

I know of no one who fit this better than Gail

Proverbs 31: 10-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm.
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously:
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Well done good and faithful servant, your praise is much and your reward is to be with God forever.

Our Story

Our story begin in 1951, when Carmen was 4 and Gail was 5! We met as our parents were at a camera club. Fast forward--Carmen begin to attend grade school in town in 1957, the same school that Gail went to. Fast forward--We had our first date in the winter of 1964 in Gail's senior year of high school. Again--we were married June 1st of 1968. We moved to St. Paul in October of 1977 and lived at 2094 Niles Ave until Gail's death September 14 of 2009.
Gail first breast cancer was found in October of 2003. After surgery, chemo, radiation and infusions for a year she felt well and we lived life in our normal mode. Carmen retired in June of 2007 and shortly after that we quit doing the paper route as well. In the fall of 2007 we went on our dream vacation. We camped for 7 weeks in Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia and in the New England states. Sleeping in our truck and eating over an open fire we felt that we had experienced heaven. Then in January of 2008 we spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with friends and again had so much fun. In the fall of 2008 we did much work on the outside of the house and we were so excited to enter 2009 with big plans and dreams. In January Gail was diagnosed with new cancer. For the next 7 1/2 months we prayed, changed our life style, laughed and cried often. As the end of Gail's life drew near she was peaceful and family cared for her at home until she met Jesus. It was a journey that was wonderful, exciting, blessed, full of life and full of love but of course it was too short. Gail is so missed but I know she is in a better place so my journey must continue on without my true love.
I enter a new decade as the "I" that I never wanted to be but I have hope. Hope of things not experienced and hope that life will again, in 2010, become something that I look forward to each morning. My hope is based on our Lord who gives all, who is all and who gives love to all who believe. I enter this new decade with so many questions and so few answers but with faith that all will be well.

For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Friday, February 12, 2010

LIttle did you know

3 comments:

The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

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