Friday, February 12, 2010

LIttle did you know

As I was in the book store yesterday I noticed that the new 2010 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is in. (I didn't buy one!) Little did you know that here is the picture that started the whole Sports Illustreated idea.  Now I think they have taken it way way too far but this was a fairly modest start don't you think!!  By the way it is Cynthia when she was about 4 or 5.
I will be headed up North tomorrow.  I am not taking my computer so I am guessing that I will not blog until perhaps Tuesday.  I am not looking for any miracle or cure or anything like that.  I am almost finished with the book I have been reading and it has helped me with ideas I had already.  I perhaps have said this many many times before but here is where I am at:
  • I know Gail is in heaven very near God so I am so happy about that
  • I do not feel sorry for myself nor am I angry or upset.  I realize that many many people have lost loved ones before me.  Of course the people who come to mind are Grandma Saunders who lost Grandpa 20 years ago, Mark and Mary who lost Scotty, Deb and Dale who lost DeeAnn and Allen who lost Jeanne, Glorine who lost my brother, John who lost my sister and my parents who lost a son and daughter.  So as you see I am not alone nor am I the last.
  • For me I just plain miss miss miss miss Gail.  Sunday it will be 5 months.  I miss her smile, I miss her laugh, I miss her gifts, I just plain miss everything about her not being here.  There is no cure or anything that can be done to change that.  I really do appreciate all the prayers and I hope people continue to hold me up but I realize that I just need to walk each day in God's presence and as the days, weeks and months go by my pain will be less and my lonliness will get less.  I do not anticipate those things going away, I just think they will become less and I will be able to carry them with me as part of me.
So that is my story for now.   I plan to spend Saturday night, Sunday and Monday praying, sleeping, reading, thinking and trying to get my mind and body in a better place than it is now.  I hope and pray that when I come back, most likely on Tuesday, I will be a bit refreshed.  If God chooses to reveal something extra special to me that would be wonderful but I am not looking for that.


Anonymous said...

I hope this getaway does give you some room to breath, relax, find some peace and make sense of who you are and where you're headed. Regroup. We all should do that every now and then. Have a safe trip.

michael said...

Wow. I certainly don't remember ever seeing THAT picture.....! -cynthia

Anonymous said...

Sounds to me like a "private retreat"...a good idea I think. God's blessing on you during your time away! (guess you're already away...but wish you well Carmen!)