Thursday, February 25, 2010

A task near finished

Pictured is pretty close to what will go on our grave site.  To see your name on a grave site monument is not the most wonderful thing in the world but in fact it is for me in this time necessary.  I have yet to make final decisions on everything but this is very close to what will be put on the grave in early summer.  It sounds strange but it has been a most exhausting journey for me.  Tears have not been very much a part of it but my energy is drained to empty and I think it is all this granite stone that I have been so consumed with over the last several weeks.  I have decided that the granite will come out of the only granite quarry in the Dakotas which is in Milbank SD.  I still feel Gail and I have much of North Dakota in us.  The scripture is one of Gail's favorite and it is out of Grandma and Grandpa Saunders Bible from the 40's and the names will be sandblasted in Gail's actual handwriting..  I chose this translation of the scripture because of the last 4 words.  I have not made the final decision on everything nor has the final price been settled on but everything will be completed within a few days.  It will take 60-120 days to be in place.  My prayer is that I will not have to borrow money to pay for it and the finished monument will be something that when I visit Gail's grave site I will say well done, I like that.  For some of you this may seem like a strange journey and actually a few months ago I would have said that but something deep inside of me says that I need, I want to do this for Gail, for family and it will be important for us all.  I did not think like that my whole life but I do now and I am not sure why.  I know Gail is not in the ground, I know she is in heaven but I want to continue to honor her by making myself a better person each day.  By doing this, by visiting her grave site, by praying with her and by asking God for grace to change through the grace of Gail I think I can be a better father, better brother and better friend.  I think Gail's legacy should be that she made everyone feel special and she encouraged people around her to love God more.  I desire to honor her not so much with physical things but with myself.  IF only I can touch people then Gail continues to live on in this world.
I am going to bed now and I need to get a good sleep.  I do not like to take anything to help me sleep but I actually took a couple of sleep aids 20 minutes ago to see if  I can sleep through the night.
I am so looking forward to some warmer weather. I need to be outside more and warm weather will help.
Paul W was here for a couple of hours tonight, that was fun.  He brought some of his homemade beer and I provided the pizza.  We ate at 6:30, I am hoping that pizza does not give me heartburn!!!  These "golden years" are not always so golden when it comes to eating that late and bed time.  It used to be different but I do not desire to go back to the good old days, I will be happy with the NOW.  I haven't felt wonderful these last few days but I have felt close to God and that is a very good feeling.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I really like the monument. It looks to be very unique and personal. It is a fitting tribute to Gail, unique! I didn't particularly like the feeling I got seeing your name on it though. I know that's how it works but it was eerie. Losing Gail was hard, I can't think about losing you as well. I guess the older we get the more precious certain people become to me.
Love, Helen