For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey: A Journey like no other

Thursday, February 11, 2010

A Journey like no other

Here is the 13 mile bridge that connects Prince Edward Island to the mainland. Once you start to travel over to PEI on the bridge it seems like it will never come to an end but yet the way it is constructed there is no turning back so you must keep going.
I feel like I am on that bridge. It seems like my journey will never end but there is no turning back, I must keep going. There are times that the quietness of the house seems to smother me and then there are times when that same quietness seems to bring God right to the forefront and I meet him face to face. There are times when Gail's absence seems to make life unbearable and then there are times that she seems so near that I can smell the freshness of her breathe and touch the softness of her hair. The task of fatherhood, of grandpahood, of housekeeper, of brother, of friend seems so impossible at times without Gail and then at times it seems she is so near encouraging me and telling me I am doing OK. It often seems that I just can not do this life without my Gail and then God will gently reach out and lead me in the right direction and I say I am OK.
This journey I am on seems to be changing me, seems to be softening me, seems to be scaling back a crust, seems to be changing my priorities and when night comes I can almost say I am becoming a better person than I was. I am becoming more compassionate, more understanding, more in love with God---I think God may be taking my hurt, my pain, my grief and molding me into a new creation. I didn't want to change, I didn't want to embrace pain but maybe, just maybe God will have a new creation when the sun shines once again. I do want Gail in my arms again but perhaps, God in his wisdom and mercy, he is using pain for his gain and his glory. I don't know but it seems to be happening.
I will be getting out of town Saturday noon and will not be back until maybe Tuesday. This whole journey has been and is a challenge, a struggle and I am exhausted. I want to get away from the hustle and bustle for a short time to catch my breathe. I think I will use tomorrow to get some things in the house in order, Saturday morning there will be men here and then I will hit the road for a while. A wonderful sister lovingly encouraged me to use her cabin for a few days and I will do that. I will have my cell phone on for emergencies but will not worry about anything until I return maybe on Tuesday.

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

I know of no one who fit this better than Gail

Proverbs 31: 10-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm.
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously:
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Well done good and faithful servant, your praise is much and your reward is to be with God forever.

Our Story

Our story begin in 1951, when Carmen was 4 and Gail was 5! We met as our parents were at a camera club. Fast forward--Carmen begin to attend grade school in town in 1957, the same school that Gail went to. Fast forward--We had our first date in the winter of 1964 in Gail's senior year of high school. Again--we were married June 1st of 1968. We moved to St. Paul in October of 1977 and lived at 2094 Niles Ave until Gail's death September 14 of 2009.
Gail first breast cancer was found in October of 2003. After surgery, chemo, radiation and infusions for a year she felt well and we lived life in our normal mode. Carmen retired in June of 2007 and shortly after that we quit doing the paper route as well. In the fall of 2007 we went on our dream vacation. We camped for 7 weeks in Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia and in the New England states. Sleeping in our truck and eating over an open fire we felt that we had experienced heaven. Then in January of 2008 we spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with friends and again had so much fun. In the fall of 2008 we did much work on the outside of the house and we were so excited to enter 2009 with big plans and dreams. In January Gail was diagnosed with new cancer. For the next 7 1/2 months we prayed, changed our life style, laughed and cried often. As the end of Gail's life drew near she was peaceful and family cared for her at home until she met Jesus. It was a journey that was wonderful, exciting, blessed, full of life and full of love but of course it was too short. Gail is so missed but I know she is in a better place so my journey must continue on without my true love.
I enter a new decade as the "I" that I never wanted to be but I have hope. Hope of things not experienced and hope that life will again, in 2010, become something that I look forward to each morning. My hope is based on our Lord who gives all, who is all and who gives love to all who believe. I enter this new decade with so many questions and so few answers but with faith that all will be well.

For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Thursday, February 11, 2010

A Journey like no other

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

Our Story

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