Sunday, October 4, 2009

Another first

Mark and Mary Saunders left last night. It was the first time someone came for a visit like that since Gail died. It was nice. We went for a walk on Friday and Saturday and did some work on Saturday. Mostly we just talked which seems to be good therapy for me.

I went to Lumen Christi for church this morning and it was the first time I had gone there since the funeral. I lost it and came home as I did not want to be sitting there and have people look at me and think I was goofy or something. It will be OK next Sunday I am sure.

Amy Root brought over home made cookies yesterday. I haven't even tasted them yet. I am afraid that when I do taste them it may be the end quickly!!!

I continue to read things that Gail wrote and it is pretty amazing. On January 3, 1964 she ended her diary with, "I had a good day and thank you God for everything".

We have a community meeting today. I have been planning to go but after church this morning I am not sure I am ready. Being in a crowd with people I know for some reason still is so hard. I may have to take some more time before I venture out to social things. I do not mind a tear or two but when I lose it that is not good. I am wondering now when a person who has been so much a part of you for so long leaves, how much time is needed. Sure it is still so close to September 14 but I do have the desire to begin to live among friends, family and community again. Working around the house is fine but I know things should change at some time.

Gail's brother invited me to go pheasant hunting in a couple of weeks, I may do that. I have not hunted pheasants for many many many years and who knows I may take my deer rifle by mistake!

1 comment:

Jen said...

Dear Carmen,

I thought about you so much today at the CM. I kept looking to see if you were here. So, know that you were missed. However, I can't imagine how difficult it will be to come again. I try to understand just a little bit and reading your blog has been so helpful to me.

Know you are still in our prayers.

God bless,
Jen B.