For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey: Another first

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Another first

Mark and Mary Saunders left last night. It was the first time someone came for a visit like that since Gail died. It was nice. We went for a walk on Friday and Saturday and did some work on Saturday. Mostly we just talked which seems to be good therapy for me.

I went to Lumen Christi for church this morning and it was the first time I had gone there since the funeral. I lost it and came home as I did not want to be sitting there and have people look at me and think I was goofy or something. It will be OK next Sunday I am sure.

Amy Root brought over home made cookies yesterday. I haven't even tasted them yet. I am afraid that when I do taste them it may be the end quickly!!!

I continue to read things that Gail wrote and it is pretty amazing. On January 3, 1964 she ended her diary with, "I had a good day and thank you God for everything".

We have a community meeting today. I have been planning to go but after church this morning I am not sure I am ready. Being in a crowd with people I know for some reason still is so hard. I may have to take some more time before I venture out to social things. I do not mind a tear or two but when I lose it that is not good. I am wondering now when a person who has been so much a part of you for so long leaves, how much time is needed. Sure it is still so close to September 14 but I do have the desire to begin to live among friends, family and community again. Working around the house is fine but I know things should change at some time.

Gail's brother invited me to go pheasant hunting in a couple of weeks, I may do that. I have not hunted pheasants for many many many years and who knows I may take my deer rifle by mistake!

1 comment:

Jen said...: Dear Carmen,

I thought about you so much today at the CM. I kept looking to see if you were here. So, know that you were missed. However, I can't imagine how difficult it will be to come again. I try to understand just a little bit and reading your blog has been so helpful to me.

Know you are still in our prayers.

God bless,
Jen B.; October 4, 2009 at 7:49 PM

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

I know of no one who fit this better than Gail

Proverbs 31: 10-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm.
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously:
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Well done good and faithful servant, your praise is much and your reward is to be with God forever.

Our Story

Our story begin in 1951, when Carmen was 4 and Gail was 5! We met as our parents were at a camera club. Fast forward--Carmen begin to attend grade school in town in 1957, the same school that Gail went to. Fast forward--We had our first date in the winter of 1964 in Gail's senior year of high school. Again--we were married June 1st of 1968. We moved to St. Paul in October of 1977 and lived at 2094 Niles Ave until Gail's death September 14 of 2009.
Gail first breast cancer was found in October of 2003. After surgery, chemo, radiation and infusions for a year she felt well and we lived life in our normal mode. Carmen retired in June of 2007 and shortly after that we quit doing the paper route as well. In the fall of 2007 we went on our dream vacation. We camped for 7 weeks in Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia and in the New England states. Sleeping in our truck and eating over an open fire we felt that we had experienced heaven. Then in January of 2008 we spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with friends and again had so much fun. In the fall of 2008 we did much work on the outside of the house and we were so excited to enter 2009 with big plans and dreams. In January Gail was diagnosed with new cancer. For the next 7 1/2 months we prayed, changed our life style, laughed and cried often. As the end of Gail's life drew near she was peaceful and family cared for her at home until she met Jesus. It was a journey that was wonderful, exciting, blessed, full of life and full of love but of course it was too short. Gail is so missed but I know she is in a better place so my journey must continue on without my true love.
I enter a new decade as the "I" that I never wanted to be but I have hope. Hope of things not experienced and hope that life will again, in 2010, become something that I look forward to each morning. My hope is based on our Lord who gives all, who is all and who gives love to all who believe. I enter this new decade with so many questions and so few answers but with faith that all will be well.

For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Another first

1 comment:

The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

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