Friday, October 16, 2009

Weeks end

Amy and Micah came over last night. For me it was a great time. I am afraid that I talked too much but it does seem that helps me during this time. They were on a cruise for their honeymoon which sounded like a lot of fun. I couldn't help but remember that our honeymoon was 2 months after our wedding and it was a 4 day stay at Uncle Hugo's cabin complete with school files that we ordered---we never did live that one down. We said later that our 10 day trip to Italy when Cynthia was going to school in Roman was our belated honeymoon. That may have been possible but that was after 30 years of marriage!!
I had fun making dinner last night. I made beer batter fish, sweet potatoes fried in canola oil with curry and stir fried snow peas. The fish was delicious and even Mike and Cynthia agreed. Now of course I need to do the dishes this morning.
I did get through some more things yesterday. I am kind of waiting for the time that I can get back some order as for now, in the middle of things, there are boxes sitting all over the place. I told myself that last Monday was the last really big recycling day in terms of boxes etc. but I now take that thought back as next Monday there will be a huge pile of boxes and bags on the curb.
Everyday I need to tell myself when I wake up that this is not a dream, this is real life, I am alone and Gail will not come back. I would not complain nor feel sorry for myself or feel angry but the reality is the sense of loneliness and emptiness is indescribable. The funeral was 4 weeks ago today. I am doing OK but the experience of losing a spouse and reentering life alone for me is just a very difficult thing. I am so thankful for family, friends and neighbors. I can not imagine going though this alone.
I think my morning coffee is ready!

No comments: