Monday, October 19, 2009

Empty again

I should and I wanted to be at Paul Korkowski's wake tonight. I wanted to be there for Phil and Kathy but I could not muster up the emotional energy.
I feel like I could be the oil pan of our 70 Chevy Impala when in about 1980 or so I was teaching John how to change the oil and he striped the threads of the drain plug and of course the pan would not hold oil. Well I feel I can not hold any energy tonight. I also remember that when that happened with John I know I had little patience and was frustrated, well tonight I feel that way. I tried to energize myself by starting a fire in the fire bowl in the back yard but that was not exciting, not energizing and not fun. I simply got cold!
I had a scare this morning. The recycle truck went right by my pile of things. I was temped to get angry but then I thought that I bet there was so much there they probably radioed for a truck to come get it and that was correct. An hour later it was all gone.
I get an A. I am supposed to be on meds for a couple of things and I always relied on Gail for those dumb pills. Well I keep them in a weekly pill tray thing and last week I took them every morning and every night. I even surprised myself. Keep up the good work Carmen.
I was able to get together with John B today and that was fun. It had been way way too long but it always is enjoyable for me when it happens. I can't explain it but there are a handful of people in my life that I just seem to connect with. It has nothing to do with spending time together, doing the same thing, having common interests or anything like that. For me it just means that for those few people there is a "connection" when I see them. Anyway, like I have said before in other situations, the beer was good, the atmosphere was OK but the conversation and the "being" was just wonderful.
I have noticed that nights are not quite so bad now. I still do not like them but they are more tolerable than a couple of weeks ago.
I did get the last storm windows on. I was not able to get them on in the way they should go on but the weather looks to get cold again and wet so I thought I had better put them on the best I could in a short time.
The house looks like a disaster just happened. It may be time to get my act together. I say that and then ask myself if I have ever had that happen!!

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