I got up in plenty of time for 7:30 church. I got dressed, had some coffee and arrived at Lumen Christi about the time mass would have started. I couldn't go in. As I drove home I felt just like I remember feeling (for a different reason) in Cayuga when I was playing little league baseball and the game was on the line and I was up to bat. I would step up to the plate, turn my bat around several times, pull on my shirt and then step out. I would think about what happens if I strike out or pop up or in some way make an out. Then I would step in again, act really big, dig a small hole with my right foot, adjust my cap and maybe would step out one more time! I almost feel that way with things, or situations now. When I got home this morning I took a walk up to St. Kate's College. I had not been on the campus since Gail died. The last time was with Henry, Liam and Faustina. Actually Ken K took a picture of us returning from that walk that day. I spilled a glass of water yesterday and I studied the water on the leg of the chair as I wiped it dry. There were little droplets slowing moving down the leg of the chair and I carefully wiped all of them dry. My face this morning felt like that chair leg looked. My only problem was I forgot the tissue so I had to wipe my face with my green camp fleece pullover. Around the campus as I walked, wiped, thought and pondered I said to myself, "How powerful God made Love." I thought about how much fun I had and how proud I was of myself in high school as I could throw bales all day long, I could out last anyone on the football team in running, I could hit harder with a tackle than bigger guys, I always felt good about myself physically yet as strong or powerful or fit I felt God made Love so so so much stronger. It is amazing to try to fathom our mighty God. As I walked around St. Kates I felt so out of control, so humble, so helpless in the eyes of God that I cried even more. Not in a bad way but in a surrendering way.
All of our family in town is going to take in the Danish breakfast this morning. It should be fun.
We had our first family celebration without Gail yesterday as Audrey had her first birthday party. Faustina was grandpa's date as Cynthia/Mike had a dinner date. After the party we came home and had a grand time for a couple of hours.
I went through many boxes yesterday. The recycling person will once again be busy at 2094 tomorrow morning. Gail had boxes full of boxes full of boxes. I am not sure what she had in mind but I know there were at least a thousand projects in the back of her mind.
I wondered as I walked today if there is a coffee carrier like those water things you see where someone has water on their back and a little hose going to their mouth. I didn't take a cup with me because I have not perfected walking and drinking at the same time so I always have to stop. Well with one of those things I could walk and drink and enjoy. I'll have to check it out.
Next Sunday at this time I will be on my way to pick up Ed/Carol and Ernie/Carmen for our little outing to Wisconsin. It is yet to be determined if I can act like a team member or as an add on to the team!! The others will see me in a whole different light, let's hope it is good!