Saturday, October 10, 2009

I made it!!!!!

I went to Rosie Springer's wedding and came home with no more than a 1/2 doz times of teary eyes! I wanted to go, I was honored to be invited but to be honest I didn't want to go and face the "first" social event for me without Gail at an event where many community people were in attendance. I missed her at my side, I missed her kiss at the peace during the mass, I missed her smile and I did not like the ride alone there and home but I did find out that I can do it and there were moments of laughter and light hearted conversation. The wedding was very nice and it is always nice to be at things when young people are there.
I am finding that there are many many things around the house that take time that I did not realize added up to spending much time taking care of. Some of the things like recycling, picking up, doing dishes, vacuuming the rug, keeping the bathroom clean, making sure there is food in the house, clothes and the list goes on and on. My goodness I am beginning to think I could be busy all the time acting like a houseman!
With little sleep last night I think I will try to go to bed early. I am wondering if today could be the tiny start of getting out of a bit of my funk. I will see in the morning. I read in a book yesterday that if a person is ready to love they need to be ready to grieve. How true! I now take my wedding vows much more seriously than I did even 2 months ago. I was thinking last night about Gail's love. I thought back on how complete, how total, how encompassing and how sacrificial it was. I was in awe of that complete love which I do not think I appreciated fully when she was alive.

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