Thursday, October 22, 2009


I was so embarrassed yesterday at White Rock Coffee. I brought in the gift things to pay for the coffee and I was happy that I was using them up only to have Greg point out that 2 of them expired in 08 and the other expired in 05!! If I had looked at that I would not have used them but Greg was good enough to let me pay for the coffee with them. It seems that I am not tuned in to details like I used to be or should be. Actually when I think about it Gail often pointed out things I did not notice like going to the store for something and coming home with the wrong thing.
I did go to Claire's soccer game and then out for a burger with Al/Deb yesterday afternoon. That was good. I also really enjoyed Henry being here in the afternoon. Henry picked out our lunch which consisted of hot dogs, chips, root beer and cookies. When we arrived home Cynthia had the fire going so we roasted hot dogs in the fireplace which was fun. Henry was so cute when he was picking out something to drink he said he had to be sure to not get something he isn"t supposed to drink, in other words no coke etc.
I often read the last thing Gail wrote. Her writing was always picture perfect but on Friday, September 11Th in the morning she wrote, which one could barely read, "where am I in the long skim of things, better or worse? " I almost daily use that quote from her and ask myself that question. We need not ask that of her anymore as she is with our Lord and doing very very well I am sure but for me it is a very relevant question. As I look at my house, my family, things that should be done, people I would like to relate to, my relationship with the Lord, my emotional state and so on I do ask that question. Gail has now been gone from her physical presence on earth 5 1/2 weeks, in the long skim of things that is a short time but in the short of things that is recent, close, near or in other words a short time. This morning I liken my heart to the shutter of a camera. As you take a picture it opens and closes and I think the hole in my heart is still there with the shutter open. Almost as if it has malfunctioned and it needs to go to the repair shop to get that shutter to close. I know that the repair shop for me is God, family, friends and that is working well but the partial repair (I am afraid that it will never work like new) will be longer in coming. I am becoming more comfortable alone at home, more accepting of "me and this home" but the gap of Gail's absence is huge and I suspect will be that way for a long time. For the long term outlook I would give myself an A and for the short term a D!!
A friend (I say friend but I have never seen her, talked to her or even seen a picture) Rebecca from Pennsylvania has been reading this blog and sent a very touching note by e-mail. Tomorrow she and her husband celebrate their 10Th anniversary and they will light a candle for each of their family and friends who have passed away and can't be with them. She said she will light a candle for Gail even though the only way she knew Gail was through the blog. That touched my heart.
When I write I tend to get teary eyed and emotional so will wrap this up and get busy---that always helps. I do have things to do, people to see, places to go and work that is waiting.

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