Sunday, October 4, 2009

Psalm 30:5

This morning I live for the morning that there will be joy. I can put a hundred words on paper or a hundred thoughts down but the bottom line is today I am sad. I know Gail is happy and in a wonderful place, I know that God is so near that it is like camp. I can feel him, I can hear him, I can taste him and almost see him. For that I am so thankful but for some reason this Sunday is a sad day. Very close to the surface are tears and thoughts of Gail. She is so close yet out of reach, so real yet not in my presence and so alive in my mind yet of course not alive on earth.
In the last 48 hours I have had in-laws here and family here and it has been good but yet Gail is not here and for that my spirit is sad and my body aches for her presence. I sense that I am becoming impatient so Lord please grant me your grace and your patience to endure and live life to the fullest until joy once again registers in my heart.


Anonymous said...

Dear Carmen,

I was looking for you today too. I was hoping that maybe you would be there, but understand why you can't just yet.

I will pray that our Lord brings joy into your life and gives you the grace to experience it.

Kim B

Anonymous said...

Carmen, It is a privilege to share in a part of your journey through your daily musings. It blessess me every time I read it.

I would still love to get together over coffee. As a retireee, I am pretty open. Gary ( )

Connie said...

Hi Carmen,

I read how you are struggling with yourself to move on. I agree with you that the Lord is sooo near. I think of the sharings at Gail's services and remember encouraging that something is not worth doing if you don't do it right. You are doing it right, Carmen. Grief is not a scheduled process and you are right to pray for patience. What you and Jesus are doing now is so important. (and painful and inconvenient.) Jesus experienced the loss of loved ones as a HUMAN, like you, with emotions and feelings. I can't imagine Him looking at a fine piece of furniture and not longing for the physical presence of Joseph, or recounting Joseph's patience with Him when he was frustrated by a tricky mortise & tenon that did not turn out for the 3rd time.

We'll all keep praying with you.