Thursday, October 29, 2009

Home again

I returned home last night. It was a good vacation. Of course it was difficult at times and it was so empty without Gail but I made the best of it. Some highlights:
*Door County still had beautiful fall colors.
*The Rineharts and Schwabs are always fun to be with
*The sights and places in Door County are fun to see.
*The B & B we were at was nice, quaint and neat.

Some low lights:
The only low light was that Gail was not there. I just miss her so much and in that kind of setting it was lonely. She was the "reason" for so much of my being and now she is not here so in spite of all the fun things and good things over the 4 days her absence made me sad much of the time.

How did I do? I think I did fairly well. I spent quit a bit of time alone in my little cottage and that was good for me. When ever Gail and I would go like that Gail just did everything. She would spent the first hour or so making the place our little home and that was always so neat but this time I needed to do some of that and it brought tears often but the "down time" and the "time alone" was needed, wanted and it was good for me. When ever we would go some place I would always have about a half dozen things in mind that I could get for Gail. Often I would not get anything but it was in my mind and that would be my mindset as I strolled through stores. Now that is not the case so I often would aimlessly go into a store and after the fact ask myself why I went in the store.

I feel that God is saying to me in these days that I have much sadness to endure, I will miss Gail forever and in these days ahead Gail will be so much at the forefront but God is saying that he will carry me through and the sun will rise in the distant horizon and smiles and happiness will return in his time. He does have work for me here yet. I need to be here for family, for friends, for community and Servant Camp. He will show me how to hold Gail in my heart forever while still running the race. As I listen to God I actually get excited and I await the return of a life that is full of fun, games, happiness, service, work and love. I am still at a loss as to how to live my life without Gail. However I know and I look forward to the day when I can wake up in the morning and remember Gail, smile and then plunge into a day of living life to the fullest that includes family, friends, work, service and much more. I do not know when that may come but when it does I will welcome it and embrace it with open arms--- much the same that I try to open my arms to the Lord daily.
I have much work to do today so I need to get going.

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