Saturday, December 5, 2009

Almost a 90 day guarantee

Pictured is Gail's women's Group in September of 2007. In front is Mary Ann and then left to right is Dorothy, Karen, Gail and Carol.
I cut down my tree and have it in the house. As usual, John's family and I went to a family tree farm in Wisconsin and cut down the trees. On the way home we stopped for lunch in the same small town cafe. It was yet another event without Gail. I have come to put new meaning to the term "90 day guarantee". It has been close to 90 days since Gail died and with each passing day it is more real and for sure in 90 days it will be 100% real, I guarantee it. Today Henry and Liam rode with grandpa in the truck. We listened to the "Cars" CD music and were funny and laughed a lot but it sure would have been more fun with grandma. At one point Liam asked when grandma would be resurrected! An interesting question for a 4 year old. It is becoming more natural for me to try to be happy. Don't know if I will ever be able to get that down but I will continue to try.
I now need to trim the tree and Gail ALWAYS did that. I will give it my best shot but my guess is people will come into the open house next Friday, look at the tree and say I bet Carmen trimmed that tree! I don't really care, it will be what it will be. I am thinking about the idea of putting out our Nativity scene on the porch. It is so big, it actually is the same one our church uses!!! We have not put it up for a few years because it takes up so much space. I gave it to Gail for her 40th birthday. I may have to set it up outside this year. I would hope nobody would steal it or damage it. I will see.
I find my mood changes so fast. I can be happy, then sad, then teary, than back to something else again.
I don't have much to say tonight. Maybe the day was a bit too emotional or something. I do really want to make Advent and Christmas special this year but it does take so much energy to fight through the emotion of missing Gail so much. Lord, you need to be with me in a special way for these next few weeks. I am not sure what I will do December 30, Gail would have been 64 that day. I guess I should practice taking one day at a time.

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