For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey: Almost a 90 day guarantee

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Almost a 90 day guarantee

Pictured is Gail's women's Group in September of 2007. In front is Mary Ann and then left to right is Dorothy, Karen, Gail and Carol.
I cut down my tree and have it in the house. As usual, John's family and I went to a family tree farm in Wisconsin and cut down the trees. On the way home we stopped for lunch in the same small town cafe. It was yet another event without Gail. I have come to put new meaning to the term "90 day guarantee". It has been close to 90 days since Gail died and with each passing day it is more real and for sure in 90 days it will be 100% real, I guarantee it. Today Henry and Liam rode with grandpa in the truck. We listened to the "Cars" CD music and were funny and laughed a lot but it sure would have been more fun with grandma. At one point Liam asked when grandma would be resurrected! An interesting question for a 4 year old. It is becoming more natural for me to try to be happy. Don't know if I will ever be able to get that down but I will continue to try.
I now need to trim the tree and Gail ALWAYS did that. I will give it my best shot but my guess is people will come into the open house next Friday, look at the tree and say I bet Carmen trimmed that tree! I don't really care, it will be what it will be. I am thinking about the idea of putting out our Nativity scene on the porch. It is so big, it actually is the same one our church uses!!! We have not put it up for a few years because it takes up so much space. I gave it to Gail for her 40th birthday. I may have to set it up outside this year. I would hope nobody would steal it or damage it. I will see.
I find my mood changes so fast. I can be happy, then sad, then teary, than back to something else again.
I don't have much to say tonight. Maybe the day was a bit too emotional or something. I do really want to make Advent and Christmas special this year but it does take so much energy to fight through the emotion of missing Gail so much. Lord, you need to be with me in a special way for these next few weeks. I am not sure what I will do December 30, Gail would have been 64 that day. I guess I should practice taking one day at a time.

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

I know of no one who fit this better than Gail

Proverbs 31: 10-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm.
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously:
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Well done good and faithful servant, your praise is much and your reward is to be with God forever.

Our Story

Our story begin in 1951, when Carmen was 4 and Gail was 5! We met as our parents were at a camera club. Fast forward--Carmen begin to attend grade school in town in 1957, the same school that Gail went to. Fast forward--We had our first date in the winter of 1964 in Gail's senior year of high school. Again--we were married June 1st of 1968. We moved to St. Paul in October of 1977 and lived at 2094 Niles Ave until Gail's death September 14 of 2009.
Gail first breast cancer was found in October of 2003. After surgery, chemo, radiation and infusions for a year she felt well and we lived life in our normal mode. Carmen retired in June of 2007 and shortly after that we quit doing the paper route as well. In the fall of 2007 we went on our dream vacation. We camped for 7 weeks in Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia and in the New England states. Sleeping in our truck and eating over an open fire we felt that we had experienced heaven. Then in January of 2008 we spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with friends and again had so much fun. In the fall of 2008 we did much work on the outside of the house and we were so excited to enter 2009 with big plans and dreams. In January Gail was diagnosed with new cancer. For the next 7 1/2 months we prayed, changed our life style, laughed and cried often. As the end of Gail's life drew near she was peaceful and family cared for her at home until she met Jesus. It was a journey that was wonderful, exciting, blessed, full of life and full of love but of course it was too short. Gail is so missed but I know she is in a better place so my journey must continue on without my true love.
I enter a new decade as the "I" that I never wanted to be but I have hope. Hope of things not experienced and hope that life will again, in 2010, become something that I look forward to each morning. My hope is based on our Lord who gives all, who is all and who gives love to all who believe. I enter this new decade with so many questions and so few answers but with faith that all will be well.

For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Almost a 90 day guarantee

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

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