Thursday, December 3, 2009

A long time ago

Here is a note I found in a bible that I used a lot in college. I don't know when I wrote it to Gail and I am not sure why I signed it "your husband" but anyway I don't like to be that kind of prophet.

Today has been kind of a down day in terms of work and activity. I had a great lunch with Don F and tonight the Winds and Cynthia/Mike and family will be here for dinner but I did not do much.

I have been thinking a lot about family who have passed on from this life. I have found clippings from grandpa Saunders, grandpa Lee and grandma Lee. Also of Scotty and of DeeAnn and it gives one reason to pause, think and wonder about the life after here. I think for the first time I thought about meeting Gail in heaven. I don't want to meet her yet but the thought just kind of struck me as wow, I think that will happen. I don't know if I have mentioned a book I read several weeks ago. The name is "Forever Ours" and it is by a Dr from the cities and talks about her experiences that are true and the stories are from people who have died for a short time and came back to life or people who have experienced encounters with loved ones who have died. It is a book that I highly recommend to anyone.
Cynthia and kids just arrived so will sign off. More later.
Here I am editing this note later. As you can see while reading the note I was not much of a poet but I think my effort was full of love and it certainly was true.
As I sit here it is 9:37 PM. The music is on, the house, except for the music, is quiet and still. I can remember way back when I would have been thinking about school tomorrow, the kids would be doing homework and Gail would be doing some work or project. With all that going on the house would seem alive and not very big. NOW, the house kind of seems to sit and wait for something to happen and it seems quite large. Same house but in a different time, my or my how life changes even if we wish it would not. I so remember a friend in Devils Lake who had 13 children and at the time we knew her they all had grown and left home. At the time we had 3 boys ages 1, 3 and 5. It must have been at a Thursday night prayer meeting and I would guess that Gail and I were tired or perhaps even worn out. This friend said with a quiet smile, "Yes when the kids are small they do step on your toes but when they grow they step on your heart." Well our kids have not done that very much, (we are human so it has happened) but at times over these last 11 weeks my heart seems to be out there with footprints all over it. It seems that way because it hurts, it aches and it seems to be torn some. Lord heal it with your love, mend it so that it can function as well as in the past. Please give me your vision, the ability to see beyond the "now" and to see and feel the warmth of your love and not just mouth the words of your love.

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