Friday, December 4, 2009

I am happy, I am not, I am happy, I am not, I am

Here is the picture I have on my computer screen. It was taken Sept 16 and it was the first picture we took on our 7 week camping trip in fall of 07. I have found myself fixing on Gail's face in the picture, she looks so happy.
I am in a melancholy way this morning. I went out with Jerry W for breakfast and that was nice but now as I sit here I have no agenda for the day. I realized last night that I may be finished with 60% of what I would like to do in the house. The last 40% may be 100% more time consuming, more difficult.
I am not really sad, not really happy, not really anything. Motivation is hard to come by today, excitement hard to come by, anticipation is hard to come by and energy is hard to come by. I am not sure what I will do, where I will go or who I would like to talk to. I could start to get ready for my open house next week but that doesn't sound very inviting, Cynthia asked if I wanted to make lefsa tomorrow and I am not sure, I should get a walk in but really that doesn't turn me on so I sit here kind of numb, kind of melancholy, kind of sad but not really any of those. Maybe what I need to do is find some way to recharge my batteries but how is the question.
Winter seems to have arrived. The temp right now is +17 with just a little white on the ground. The house does not seem very warm or inviting and as I look outside I could almost wish it were April but that is not possible and I am not sure that would help either.
It is Friday and this would be the day that Gail and I would do something after school. Maybe my spirit is just not in tune with the new "I". I will try harder to be happy and to face life with a good outlook. Perhaps I need to just get my coat on and walk, that may help. I think I will try that.

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