Tuesday, December 15, 2009

May I have your time?

Can't get much more popular than that. As Liam, Jude and Faustina try to claim Travis as their own you can see Henry's knee as he is in on the action too.
A busy day but not work----which was fine. I started out with meditations at 6:00 AM. From there it was baby sit Faustina for 2 hours and home. Marie W came over after lunch and we had a nice visit, then an afternoon meeting at my place with dinner at Cynthia/Mike's and then a trip to the store.
I have discovered that my emotions are more under control now but in visiting with Marie, who is a special family friend, those emotions were oh so close to the surface much of the time. I had not had the chance to share with Marie since Gail's death so the talk was about Gail much of the time and those emotions are still very very raw. I am not complaining as I envision a cry about Gail is in the future for a long time.
I thought I had my interrupted sleep figured out and now I am not sure. Last night I was in bed by midnight but woke up at 1:30, 4:00, 4:45 and finally got out of bed at 5:15. Not what one would consider a restful sleep.
I have discovered that I have been listening to the words of songs more now. Most of the time I have on the satellite radio which is part of the TV package and I always have the holiday station on. Some of those songs are uplifting but some like, I'll have a blue Christmas, I don't really need to listen to!! As has been the case so much of the last 3 months when I keep busy I do fine but when I sit and think look out. Sometimes I think back on the joke about the pope and it ends up with something like look a busy, look a busy. Now it doesn't come through in words but in my mind it plays out quite nicely!!!!!
This doesn't sound right but still there are times when I just sit back, think about Gail being gone and say I don't believe it. She must be coming home late or tomorrow or next week. I think about the house, the family, what I eat or wear, where I go and I just can not believe that it is ONLY me who makes decisions or cares or whatever. Of course I know and I have now lived this way for 3 months but really is it real?? I read today about some famous person dying at the age of 91 and I thought that is 28 years older than Gail was, how can that be. We could have been together so much longer but no it was not to be so what should I do?
I haven't said this for awhile but I am going to try to get to bed early, I will see what happens.

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