For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey: Is the corner around the corner or here?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Is the corner around the corner or here?

Here is a blossom from Gail's Christmas cactus that I thought was dead last fall. I almost threw it away but decided I would try to save it. It now is full of these beautiful flowers. I really enjoy it.
For the first time in several weeks I made myself breakfast. OK, I admit that the last many weeks breakfast has been out with someone or cheese and crackers or a hamburger or some cookies or maybe not at all. For a couple of weeks after the funeral I was so good about making something, sitting down and telling myself that I can do this! Then who knows why but that stopped. Well this morning for the first time I made a nice breakfast and this time it was not done with the idea that "I can do this my self" but rather it was done with "Here I am, alone and maybe I should do what needs to be done for good health". So maybe I am changing from a bad homemaker to an OK one!! Or maybe, just maybe, I am turning the corner of life and starting to live like a single dad and grandpa who has much to live for, many things to do and places to go. We will see, I know one time doesn't make it but everything has to start with 1. I also decided that I really needed to turn down the heat at night like Gail and I used to all the time. When I woke up it was 59 degrees so I turned it up, went back to bed for 30 minutes and got up to 58 degrees, figure that.
I drove Henry to school and then stopped in the book store to look at wood magazines. As I sat there reading and thinking I just sat as if I were frozen. I just told myself over and over again that life is OK, it is fine, it is normal without Gail. Is that true? I am not sure but it has to be. How can I stop in the store, read for 30 minutes and not let anyone know where I am, who cares? Well such is LAG (life after Gail) and it better be all right because this is the way it will be for the next many many years.
No, Wallace has a hair appt! Now I don't even have hair appt so Wallace must be special. I am thinking that maybe, just maybe I will try to cut him in the spring but for now in the winter that will not happen.
I need to do something other than sit at this computer and write.

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

I know of no one who fit this better than Gail

Proverbs 31: 10-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm.
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously:
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Well done good and faithful servant, your praise is much and your reward is to be with God forever.

Our Story

Our story begin in 1951, when Carmen was 4 and Gail was 5! We met as our parents were at a camera club. Fast forward--Carmen begin to attend grade school in town in 1957, the same school that Gail went to. Fast forward--We had our first date in the winter of 1964 in Gail's senior year of high school. Again--we were married June 1st of 1968. We moved to St. Paul in October of 1977 and lived at 2094 Niles Ave until Gail's death September 14 of 2009.
Gail first breast cancer was found in October of 2003. After surgery, chemo, radiation and infusions for a year she felt well and we lived life in our normal mode. Carmen retired in June of 2007 and shortly after that we quit doing the paper route as well. In the fall of 2007 we went on our dream vacation. We camped for 7 weeks in Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia and in the New England states. Sleeping in our truck and eating over an open fire we felt that we had experienced heaven. Then in January of 2008 we spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with friends and again had so much fun. In the fall of 2008 we did much work on the outside of the house and we were so excited to enter 2009 with big plans and dreams. In January Gail was diagnosed with new cancer. For the next 7 1/2 months we prayed, changed our life style, laughed and cried often. As the end of Gail's life drew near she was peaceful and family cared for her at home until she met Jesus. It was a journey that was wonderful, exciting, blessed, full of life and full of love but of course it was too short. Gail is so missed but I know she is in a better place so my journey must continue on without my true love.
I enter a new decade as the "I" that I never wanted to be but I have hope. Hope of things not experienced and hope that life will again, in 2010, become something that I look forward to each morning. My hope is based on our Lord who gives all, who is all and who gives love to all who believe. I enter this new decade with so many questions and so few answers but with faith that all will be well.

For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Is the corner around the corner or here?

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

Our Story

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