Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Is the corner around the corner or here?

Here is a blossom from Gail's Christmas cactus that I thought was dead last fall. I almost threw it away but decided I would try to save it. It now is full of these beautiful flowers. I really enjoy it.
For the first time in several weeks I made myself breakfast. OK, I admit that the last many weeks breakfast has been out with someone or cheese and crackers or a hamburger or some cookies or maybe not at all. For a couple of weeks after the funeral I was so good about making something, sitting down and telling myself that I can do this! Then who knows why but that stopped. Well this morning for the first time I made a nice breakfast and this time it was not done with the idea that "I can do this my self" but rather it was done with "Here I am, alone and maybe I should do what needs to be done for good health". So maybe I am changing from a bad homemaker to an OK one!! Or maybe, just maybe, I am turning the corner of life and starting to live like a single dad and grandpa who has much to live for, many things to do and places to go. We will see, I know one time doesn't make it but everything has to start with 1. I also decided that I really needed to turn down the heat at night like Gail and I used to all the time. When I woke up it was 59 degrees so I turned it up, went back to bed for 30 minutes and got up to 58 degrees, figure that.
I drove Henry to school and then stopped in the book store to look at wood magazines. As I sat there reading and thinking I just sat as if I were frozen. I just told myself over and over again that life is OK, it is fine, it is normal without Gail. Is that true? I am not sure but it has to be. How can I stop in the store, read for 30 minutes and not let anyone know where I am, who cares? Well such is LAG (life after Gail) and it better be all right because this is the way it will be for the next many many years.
No, Wallace has a hair appt! Now I don't even have hair appt so Wallace must be special. I am thinking that maybe, just maybe I will try to cut him in the spring but for now in the winter that will not happen.
I need to do something other than sit at this computer and write.

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