I think this picture was taken about 1995 or so. I think we were out to Valley Fair on a day when the temp was near 100.
Not much to say today. It was a day of nothing. No work, no play, no fun, no project work and no Gail. I did go get some more paper to print Christmas cards on and then stopped in and ordered meat for Christmas day. Saturdays in December are not the best day to be out and about as there are people walking and driving any place you go.
I did get my walk in as I walked up to Highland and mailed some cards. On the way back I stopped in to Moeller Jeweler. I used to go in and dream about getting something really nice for Gail. I had not been in there since Gail died. Stores are really interesting the way they try to sell. First this lady came up to me and offered coffee and help. After I had my cup of coffee she came over a couple of times as I was looking at Tag watches. She said to me that she really was not following me around. Gail and the kids gave me a Tag for my 50 birthday. In my world they are a very expensive watch. After this lady had come up a couple of times she went over to another counter. Then this young lady came up and was so nice and wanted to show me some watches. I was ready to tell her that another lady had helped me already and then I noticed that her plunging neck line left little to the imagination. I had to remind myself that this was a jeweler store. Perhaps I look like a fool, I don't know but I walked out with 3 watches---no no I didn't buy anything including her low dress. I thought to myself that things like that may be OK for a late night bar scene or whatever but in an "up" jeweler store, I think not. With my Wintergreen pants and gray hair I would think that "dinosaur" look would be enough to discourage even the most desperate sales people. Anyway when I asked what the "average" Tag watch would cost and she said $2000-$3000 I decided no Tag for the Kids this Christmas!!!!!! (I know my Tag was not close to that price)
I received a Christmas Card and a little Christmas square from the lady who bought Gail's sewing machine. She said she sewed it with her new machine and she loves the machine. It was one of those moments where you feel warm all over and not only from those hot salty tears.
I was trying to describe in my mind how I have felt lately and I have come to the conclusion that I feel like vanilla pudding. That is to say not exciting, not colorful, not going any place, just good enough to sit and wiggle a bit. I think the saying is this too shall pass. I have no complaints. If I could go back 42 years and someone would say to me Carmen you can be married to Gail for 41 years or you can pick any other woman and be married to her for 65 years I would take Gail in a nanosecond so no complaints, no regrets, no what ifs but it still is a lonely Advent Season so far. Not bad, just lonely. The kids have been so great, the grand kids have been wonderful but for sure they can't and would not want to be able to replace my Gail (I can say "my" as one of the pictures on the mantle says "to my Carm"). I also know that they miss their mother so much too and no amount of work, no amount of planning, no amount of whatever can replace their mother. So all of us will go through Advent missing Gail(mother) but also knowing that she was such a wonderful person we are all richer for having her in our life for so long.
I have decided that I will go to a wedding January 9 in Rockford IL. I will be able to stay with Aaron/Amy on Friday, go the the wedding, stay with them Sat night and then come home on Sunday. Actually when I made that decision Gail actually stopped dancing for a moment in heaven as she knows that weddings were not my favorite thing but I know it is good for me to get out and about so I don't become a hermit. I wonder what it would be like to grow my hair into a pony tail, bathe only when I smell not so good and stop answering the phone and just spend all my time in the wood shop? My nickname would be Kermit the hermit. As I read that it does not sound too great.
Enough as it appears I may be losing it.
Lastly Mary had a very nice 40Th party for John last night. It was great dessert and drinks and many people came to let John know how much he is loved. Mary pulled it off with flying colors in spite of an interesting day!