Sunday, December 20, 2009

A day to light the fourth Advent candle

Here is Gail last Christmas with her "little angel" on the right and her little "blueberry eyes" on the left. Of course they are a year older now with many more ideas, unending energy and I know they are benefiting big time from Grandma's prayers from heaven.
It was a day that was almost routine. Church, some work on my project, a community meeting and then John came over and we watched most of the Viking game as they laid an egg!!
It is the beginning of Christmas week and it will be busy. I have a breakfast meeting tomorrow, another breakfast Tuesday, Aaron/Amy and Leo will arrive Wed afternoon, then Christmas Eve on Thursday and Christmas Day on Friday. I may as well be honest and say that I am looking forward to Christmas but I am also looking forward to having it behind me. I am not sad all the time but at church or at a community meeting or where ever there is Christmas singing I can not join in. When I try I cry in the same way I am crying now as I write about it. For sure I am lacking some of the Christmas joy but not totally however I still can not sing. I did have about a 20 minute time today where I lost it again. I thought of the birthdays since Gail died, I thought of Thanksgiving, Christmas coming up, her birthday and then my birthday in January. I do hope God understands because it certainly was a pity party but I could not help it. They actually do not come very often but I have found that when they come it makes it worse if I fight them so I just sat down for about 20 minutes and let it come.
Oh my I just noticed it is 11:20 and I do need to get up by 6:00 to put the recycling out before I leave for breakfast. Can you believe that now 6:00 is early for me when for 18 years Gail and I were usually up by 3:45. I could not do that now.
Lord please give all of us peace and joy in the days ahead.

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