Tuesday, December 29, 2009
A very difficult day
It is no almost 1:00 AM and I can not sleep. My oh my Monday was a difficult day. I decided to go through many papers that had piled up for the last several months. I just could not stop those tears. Everything from the last thing Gail wrote 3 days before she died to notes from 5 years ago. I just kept thinking, remembering, wondering and about everything else. I keep saying that things will get better after her birthday on Wednesday but I really do not know. When I really sit down to think about these last 11 months I just say I can not believe it and I do not want to accept it. I know I must believe and I must accept and I must move on but today I just could not get so many thoughts out of my head. It may not help that I don't sleep real well and I have a sore throat and sores in my nose but regardless of what is happening this morning was like a bad dream. I just walked around the house and thought about all the dreams we had and now everything is in my lap and I said I don't want it to be this way. I want Gail back. Maybe today will be better. I will try to get some sleep.