Friday, December 18, 2009

Looking-Remembering-Wondering-Red Eyes

This is Gail on her Buster with her sister Deb and brother Al. I would say as a cowgirl Gail looked beautiful, cute, sexy and every bit a future star!!
Because of my self promise to not work, not clean, not throw ETC. for some time I decided to start to go through some of the 1000's of pictures that I had gathered in one place but not really gone through much. Oh my but it is kind of fun but oh so many memories and so many tears. I have found something that I will pass along. When you go on vacation and see something you want a picture of make sure there is a person in the picture. Now a picture of the lion in the Bismarck zoo means nothing but with someone in the picture is becomes a keeper. I wish I had the money that we put into pictures without anyone in the pictures. There are groundhogs to waves to forests to you name it. As I look at some of those pictures I ask myself WHY did I take that picture. Also make sure different people take the picture so everyone gets in on things.
Again as I look at all the pictures of Gail there is ALWAYS that real smile that says I love people, I love life and of course she was in love with God which always comes through. Never have I seen her look the part of the plastic person that sometimes you see with people.
As I sit here with my dark sumatra coffee with a dash of 1/2 and 1/2 in it I can not but wonder what we would be doing if Gail were here and well. I have decided that it is OK to think like that. I think that if I am free to do that it may free me up to once again dream dreams and perhaps even dare to plan fun things without my beloved Gail. I know that will come and it is that thought that keeps me kind of ticking. I had dinner with the Winds last night and my goodness their tree is so beautiful. I had to think of mine and then know how much better it would have looked if Gail could have decorated it. I did not put myself down, I just lifted Gail up I think.
I think that as I remember Gail and then look at our children I get a better idea of what we gave them, what we did not give them and who I am and who they are today. I have come to appreciate that parents can not give everything that they would like to their children but then if they could what would extended family and community be for? I think that much of Gail's legacy is in Cynthia, Aaron, Travis and John. I know that when Gail met our Lord he did not hesitate to say "Well done my faithful servant and sister."
One interesting thing about my past that I have known but not thought a lot about. I don't ever remember my dad hugging or kissing my mother. I think that with that growing up it has always been a challenge for me to show my affection to people around me. I tend to show it with gifts but after Gail died I came to realize that love is more shown with kindness, hugs, kisses, embraces and serving. I can see so well in pictures how Gail loved through serving from a very early age. I really need to work harder at that.
I think it should be back to pictures and I will bring the tissues with me.

1 comment:

Connie said...

Thanks so much for publishing these pictures, Carmen. They are so nostalgic for me!! They bring back many fond memories even though they are not memories of Gail. In this picture, Deb, actually looks like a doll from the '50's. I also remember getting my cap pistol like Al is wearing. Mine was a Wyatt Earp but I pretended it was an Annie Oakely.

I am continuing to pray for you on your journey.