Looking-Remembering-Wondering-Red Eyes

This is Gail on her Buster with her sister Deb and brother Al. I would say as a cowgirl Gail looked beautiful, cute, sexy and every bit a future star!!
Because of my self promise to not work, not clean, not throw ETC. for some time I decided to start to go through some of the 1000's of pictures that I had gathered in one place but not really gone through much. Oh my but it is kind of fun but oh so many memories and so many tears. I have found something that I will pass along. When you go on vacation and see something you want a picture of make sure there is a person in the picture. Now a picture of the lion in the Bismarck zoo means nothing but with someone in the picture is becomes a keeper. I wish I had the money that we put into pictures without anyone in the pictures. There are groundhogs to waves to forests to you name it. As I look at some of those pictures I ask myself WHY did I take that picture. Also make sure different people take the picture so everyone gets in on things.
Again as I look at all the pictures of Gail there is ALWAYS that real smile that says I love people, I love life and of course she was in love with God which always comes through. Never have I seen her look the part of the plastic person that sometimes you see with people.
As I sit here with my dark sumatra coffee with a dash of 1/2 and 1/2 in it I can not but wonder what we would be doing if Gail were here and well. I have decided that it is OK to think like that. I think that if I am free to do that it may free me up to once again dream dreams and perhaps even dare to plan fun things without my beloved Gail. I know that will come and it is that thought that keeps me kind of ticking. I had dinner with the Winds last night and my goodness their tree is so beautiful. I had to think of mine and then know how much better it would have looked if Gail could have decorated it. I did not put myself down, I just lifted Gail up I think.
I think that as I remember Gail and then look at our children I get a better idea of what we gave them, what we did not give them and who I am and who they are today. I have come to appreciate that parents can not give everything that they would like to their children but then if they could what would extended family and community be for? I think that much of Gail's legacy is in Cynthia, Aaron, Travis and John. I know that when Gail met our Lord he did not hesitate to say "Well done my faithful servant and sister."
One interesting thing about my past that I have known but not thought a lot about. I don't ever remember my dad hugging or kissing my mother. I think that with that growing up it has always been a challenge for me to show my affection to people around me. I tend to show it with gifts but after Gail died I came to realize that love is more shown with kindness, hugs, kisses, embraces and serving. I can see so well in pictures how Gail loved through serving from a very early age. I really need to work harder at that.
I think it should be back to pictures and I will bring the tissues with me.