Friday, December 25, 2009

Not so difficult but oh so sad

Of course the day was highlighted by grandchildren. Here you see Liam flexing his muscles as he has eaten 2 helpings of veggies. Each bite he and Travis would bump forks and down the veggies would go. You also see Henry saying with his smile that it's good for Liam to eat like that but we all know who is bigger and stronger.
Much time and effort was put into a huge snow pile in the front yard. It now stands with a flag on top, a tunnel through the middle and much work having been done. The main work was done by uncle Travis with Henry in big time support with other assistants!!
The day was not too difficult as I was kept busy from shoveling, to rubbing the rib eye roast and putting it in the oven to many other things. The food was simple but very good. Travis has become the shrimp master and everyone brought something. However it was a very sad day. I could tell that the joy was not there. Not in me, not in the kids and not in others. I was so proud of everyone as there were no complaints, no tempers and things like that but it just was a sad Christmas day. That was to be expected and I felt everyone did so well. Tomorrow we gather for a family picture and to open up the gifts as we adults exchange names. I will have to rise early enough to wrap some presents and to make sloppy joes by 11:00.
I have a new understanding of our family now. I thought about me decorating the house, Cynthia making some of mother's receipts like lefsa and everyone doing many things to make this Christmas season a happy one. I would say we were successful but the truth is even if Cynthia could make better lefsa than Gail or even if I made the house prettier than Gail it isn't Gail as she is just totally irreplaceable and that will always be the way it is. As the years go by we will continue to do some things the same and we will change some things but life is different without our Gail and it always will be that way. In realizing that I know that next year things will not be so sad but they will not be like they used to be with Gail.
I can't help but have my heart a bit torn when I watch the grand kids. Gail was so in love with them and was so here for them. Now I know that they will be fine and of course Gail is wonderful but it hurts just the same.
I parked the car on a side street after church this morning so I got it after everyone left tonight. As I came home I drove past the house 2 doors down where a single lady lives. She had been gone today and the plow had pushed snow in her driveway about 3 feet high and 5 feet wide. I doubt that she has a metal shovel and if that freezes it would be almost impossible to move so I went down and shoveled it. Travis had done mine so a good turn deserves a good turn. We received much snow and much rain today with temps in the mid 30's. Never have I seen so much snow piled up from the plow as it just snowballed in front of the plow. I did take my time as that is hard heavy work.
As I sit here at the computer it is so strange. Music is on the TV, I just heard ice cubes drop in the ice maker, most of the house is so still and quiet and I am alone. I wish Gail were here to talk to, to hold hands with or to give a special Christmas squeeze. I also wish she were here to make the sloppy joes!!! If Gail were here when everyone left I would have turned to her, given her a hug and said,"You did it, you pulled it off again." She then would have said,"We did it, you did as much as me." Then I would have said no, honey you can do anything and you always do it the best!.
I am really exhausted. I got to bed at 1:00 this morning and was up at 6:15 with several wake ups in between so it is almost bed time.

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