Sunday, May 16, 2010

No picture, just memories

Warning this may get a bit weird!
I just arrived home after spending 2+ hours at the cemetery.  I have never done that before.  At the stage I am in can't beat people watching at the cemetery!!!  I wondered what the elderly man had in his mind as he sat in his folding chair, suit and tie on and just being.  I wondered what was in the mind of the young man who drove up in a chopper, knelt down in front of a grave stone, lit a smoke and then rode off, I wanted to ask the lady I offered tissue to what she missed the most about her loved one and I couldn't help but wonder the background of a middle age couple who drove up, could not find the site and finally settled on this is the spot.  After they left I walked over and looked, there was NO grave there.  Don't know!!!  Some of the things I thought about while I sat there:
  • What should I do June 1st, our 42 wedding anniversary?
  • What will I feel like the day I see the monument up?
  • There is a tiny, almost dead tree near Gail, should I ask to replace it?
  • What did we do a year ago today and then I thought I could look it up.
  • As I walked around many areas today I noticed that many people died younger than Gail
  • I could not get Gail's face out of my mind
Having said all that I was not really sad sad.  Lonely, yes but sad I don't think.  I then went on about an hour of mind games.  I thought about life as something like a highway, perhaps Route 66 (Gail and I had talked about driving that old route and camping along the way!!)  I thought that life is really the highway but then different things in life take you off the main road and into small towns, (experiences) and then back on the highway again.  I thought this greiving journay is like a detour or side road.  Then I thought that really as one takes those side roads or detours they in themselves have mountain tops and valleys.  I thought of the last 8 months and said yes, I have been on mountain tops and I have been in valleys.  When I think of it that way life seems more bearable.  I wondered when I would come off of this side road I am on and back to the main highway and God kind of said when it is time you will know.  I also asked if I had more side roads to travel and he said nothing.  Oh my I could go on and on but I would say the afternoon was interesting.

I did see Buddy, a former student of mine, on the way home.  I stopped and asked him how he was.  The last time I saw him he came to my house to tell me that his mother had brain cancer.  Buddy said his mother died about a month ago.  Buddy is challenged in some ways so I asked him if he had enough help and he said he did.  I am guessing his mother was about 55 or so.

I need to get outside to water the sod.  I will do that once a day and decided that I would do it in the afternoon so need to do that soon.

From did I tell you?
Did I tell you to laugh, to dance, to sing.  There is a lot in life that is hard, but take it as it comes and find the good.....and make time to dance.  Did I tell you to be creative to explore the seed within you.  Find your creative spirit and let it grow.

Enough for today.

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