Much of my day was spent in preparing and having the wrap up of our August camp. It was so different and very difficult without Gail. Of course I vacuumed, dusted, picked up and those kind of things and that was work but really the absence of Gail's love, her care of detail, her smile and most of all knowing that this is the beginning of camp 2010 without Gail was difficult to deal with. She could not do a lot for camp 2009 but the hope, the expectation, the faith that she would be with us for 2010 was always in the back of my mind. Now, that hope is gone and the reality is I am the trigger man almost without the ammunition. Well it is not quite like that but almost. I do believe that God will bless camp in perhaps a greater way without Gail but at this time such a dream is hard to come up with. Of course we have Jeanne, Ginny, Molly and Mike but there is not Gail and she is about as irreplaceable as trying to drive a car without the gas.
Susan Wind made most of the meal and it was delicious, thank you Susan.
I drove Henry to school today as I was going that way at about that time anyway. It was so cute as at his request I was trying to explain to him why I was changing some things in the den. When I was all finished he just said--I liked it the way it was. This is before he had seen what I had changed. Of course he loved grandma and everything she did. I am sure he does not understand why grandpa needs to change anything. I am not so sure either but I do know that I am no longer a we, I am a me and despite what I would like life goes on and "me"s have different needs than a "we". I actually need Gail but that is not possible so I will smile, I will persevere and I will ask God what he has in mind. He must have something because I certainly can not come up with much at this time. I think if he decided to mold me into a ball of clay so that some young child could play with me I may just end up drying up, falling to the earth and cracking into a thousand pieces.
Not any big plans tomorrow but the guys will come at 6 for meditations so I best be ready.