For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey: Life goes on

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Life goes on

Each day it seems that I come to a new thought or a new realization about life after Gail (LAG). I now call it lag for life after Gail. I know that Gail is so present and so close to my heart but her physical presence is not with me and that is so missed in every thing I do so my life is now LAG.
Last night I had dinner with Mike/Jeanne Oberg and family. Mike and Jeanne have been working camp with me forever almost and of course the talk turned to camp without Gail. The talk was short and the spirit was let's not go there yet. Everyone knows that Gail's impact, her input, her work for camp just is irreplaceable. Do we need another program director? We can wait to see but for now no. Outside of family I know that Gail's physical presence will be felt most at camp meetings. Her quiet, insightful, wise input will be so so missed. Of course it goes without saying that her infectious smile will not be there.
I am becoming a tiny bit more comfortable going places without Gail at my side. In all honesty most of the time I go someplace in my heart I would rather stay home but I know that I should not isolate myself but rather I need to do things, go places and act like a real person. I am sure God's grace is with me as doing that has not been as difficult as I thought.
I continue to be fairly successful in avoiding the "why" question. The times I fail and I do ask that I find myself with no answers and falling into a spirit of self pity and the "poor me" idea. I find that when I am able to thank the Lord for Gail, smile when I think of her and hold her close to my heart without piercing my heart it is much much better for me. I will continue to try and do that Lord but I do still need your help ALL the time.
Travis is coming over at 9 this morning and we will have breakfast together. He wants to learn how I make scrambled eggs. I am looking forward to it.

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

I know of no one who fit this better than Gail

Proverbs 31: 10-31
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm.
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously:
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Well done good and faithful servant, your praise is much and your reward is to be with God forever.

Our Story

Our story begin in 1951, when Carmen was 4 and Gail was 5! We met as our parents were at a camera club. Fast forward--Carmen begin to attend grade school in town in 1957, the same school that Gail went to. Fast forward--We had our first date in the winter of 1964 in Gail's senior year of high school. Again--we were married June 1st of 1968. We moved to St. Paul in October of 1977 and lived at 2094 Niles Ave until Gail's death September 14 of 2009.
Gail first breast cancer was found in October of 2003. After surgery, chemo, radiation and infusions for a year she felt well and we lived life in our normal mode. Carmen retired in June of 2007 and shortly after that we quit doing the paper route as well. In the fall of 2007 we went on our dream vacation. We camped for 7 weeks in Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia and in the New England states. Sleeping in our truck and eating over an open fire we felt that we had experienced heaven. Then in January of 2008 we spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with friends and again had so much fun. In the fall of 2008 we did much work on the outside of the house and we were so excited to enter 2009 with big plans and dreams. In January Gail was diagnosed with new cancer. For the next 7 1/2 months we prayed, changed our life style, laughed and cried often. As the end of Gail's life drew near she was peaceful and family cared for her at home until she met Jesus. It was a journey that was wonderful, exciting, blessed, full of life and full of love but of course it was too short. Gail is so missed but I know she is in a better place so my journey must continue on without my true love.
I enter a new decade as the "I" that I never wanted to be but I have hope. Hope of things not experienced and hope that life will again, in 2010, become something that I look forward to each morning. My hope is based on our Lord who gives all, who is all and who gives love to all who believe. I enter this new decade with so many questions and so few answers but with faith that all will be well.

For Carmen--A new beginning--A new journey

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Life goes on

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The first reading at Gail's funeral September 18, 2009

Our Story

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