Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Life goes on

Each day it seems that I come to a new thought or a new realization about life after Gail (LAG). I now call it lag for life after Gail. I know that Gail is so present and so close to my heart but her physical presence is not with me and that is so missed in every thing I do so my life is now LAG.
Last night I had dinner with Mike/Jeanne Oberg and family. Mike and Jeanne have been working camp with me forever almost and of course the talk turned to camp without Gail. The talk was short and the spirit was let's not go there yet. Everyone knows that Gail's impact, her input, her work for camp just is irreplaceable. Do we need another program director? We can wait to see but for now no. Outside of family I know that Gail's physical presence will be felt most at camp meetings. Her quiet, insightful, wise input will be so so missed. Of course it goes without saying that her infectious smile will not be there.
I am becoming a tiny bit more comfortable going places without Gail at my side. In all honesty most of the time I go someplace in my heart I would rather stay home but I know that I should not isolate myself but rather I need to do things, go places and act like a real person. I am sure God's grace is with me as doing that has not been as difficult as I thought.
I continue to be fairly successful in avoiding the "why" question. The times I fail and I do ask that I find myself with no answers and falling into a spirit of self pity and the "poor me" idea. I find that when I am able to thank the Lord for Gail, smile when I think of her and hold her close to my heart without piercing my heart it is much much better for me. I will continue to try and do that Lord but I do still need your help ALL the time.
Travis is coming over at 9 this morning and we will have breakfast together. He wants to learn how I make scrambled eggs. I am looking forward to it.

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