Friday, November 27, 2009

It sure is quiet

Pictured on the left is the icon Mike (Cynthia's husband) gave to Gail some time ago. Gail really loved it and for the last many months it has been on the wall above the fireplace. On the right is an icon that Cynthia painted when she and Mike went to a class in Denver. Gail also really liked that and it too has sat on our fireplace mantel for many months. I find that in looking at them I find much peace and it does help me deal with Gail's death.

Tonight is one of those nights that I have had a few of in the last almost 11 weeks. Aaron/Amy left today about 4, John and Mary are out of town for a couple of days, I talked to Cynthia but have not seen her and Mike today and I have not heard from Travis today. I tried to watch college football but no interest, tried to watch the high school prep bowl but no interest so I turned on the music on TV and am at the computer. I will not complain but at the moment my heart aches for Gail. I think I am doing fine but at times, like now, I just say to myself why am I alone? I had blood tests last Wed and the results were great but I had nobody to share that with. In the first week of my 10,000 steps program for health I have done so well but again nobody to share it with, I need to talk to Gail about our Christmas letter and the list goes on and I just sniffle and wipe the wetness from my cheeks and try to go on.
I was so excited about my blood tests. Most things they tested were the best they have been since 2004. In the last 11 months I have lowered my cholesterol 57 points.
I have decided to have a open house in honor of Gail for Niles Ave neighbors. We had talked about doing that but never got it done. I will do it December 11. We know many of the people but some we did not know at all but it will be a chance to meet new people if they come!!
Travis and I have decided to get out of town Monday-Wednesday of next week. We will spend some time in Devils Lake where Travis was born and lived for the first 6 years of his life. It should be an interesting time.
It is kind of crazy. I have always been the one in the family who comes up with ideas about presents etc. but now that I am alone I am at a loss for Christmas. I do not feel like making anything and I just can not come up with a good idea for the grand kids. I really felt badly yesterday. Henry wanted an ice cream cone in the afternoon but I had no cones. Grandma always had cones on hand. I found that I just did not have the touch for guests this Thanksgiving. I did not have towels out for Aaron/Amy and I know that I did not serve the people very well. I tried my best and I think I put my best foot forward but my heart just did not cooperate very well and I felt badly about that.
I am going to see if I can get interested in football. Maybe I will fall asleep in front of the TV and the night will go fast!!

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