Thursday, January 14, 2010

God's love

Here is an experience I had the other night.
As I trudged upstairs for bed my mind wandered back back back.  I thought of how many times I had done this when I was growing up on the farm.  In the summer I would think of the muggy and hot bedroom I was headed for.  No air, no finished walls but I hoped for a west breeze so that I might feel the coolness of the evening coming in the window.  In the winter it was run up the stairs, undress in a flash and leap under the covers as I knew that the temp would be well below freezing in my bedroom.  It would seem like a long time before my body heat would warm me all over.  From that it was on to married life with Gail.  I thought about counting the times I would hurry up the stairs and spent a short time warming the covers for her or the times she did that for me.  We enjoyed sleeping in a cool room but it was a treat when we decided to use flannel sheets in the winter.  My mind then went to the months before Gail left us.  We decided to sleep in separate rooms as she was up much, restless a lot and so we used walkie talkies to communicate if she needed me.  I tried to recall the last time I slept with her but could not remember.  It seems like an eternity.  As I got into bed a few nights ago I tossed and turned a bit and then tried to settle down for the night.  I could not.  I found myself awake as if it was 7 AM.  I sat up and looked at the time and realized that I had been in bed all of 25 minutes.  I lay awake thinking of God, of Gail, of family, of friends and I thought my oh my how my life has changed and how Gail influenced me in so many ways.  I thought of her smile and how much love she showed me through that cute little smile, I thought about her gentle words (most of the time!) and how she tried so hard to make me a better person, I thought of how much she gave and gave and gave, I couldn't stop thinking of how much of herself she gave to each of the kids (I think she gave 100% of herself to each one), I thought of how she loved family so much it was almost a fault but not quite, I thought of how many times she said she wanted to be the grandma that she never had to our grandchildren and then I thought of something I had totally forgotten.  In 2006 and part of 2007 she had high blood pressure.  The week after I retired her blood pressure dropped to below normal and never went up again.  I though how could she have loved me so much that it would show physically like that.  By this time I was getting sleepy and as I lay back on the pillow and drifted off I wondered really what is it like in heaven.  Will I see her, really?  I woke up the next morning and felt like God's love was so close, so real and so powerful.  Then I realized that it was really God's love coming through who Gail was in my life.

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